Head Games: A Romulenna Adventure

Lenna collapse heavily breathing on her back next to him. “Ohmygod!” She didn’t actually wanted to stop but it must have been afternoon. “Unless we bring chocolate or butterscotch or something I can lick off you in the game I need a break and some food.”

Rome chuckled. “I would totally go with this.”

“I read once in a journal that two honeymooners starved to death on their honeymoon, because they never left the bed.”

“That must be a sweet death, better than drowning in a moldy stink hole filled with water and then get shot.”

“If I remember it right you said being shot was worth it to be saved and I took good care of you afterwards.” Lenna kissed him one last time and got up to search some clothes. She picked up the dress Rome was wearing earlier. “You know I never liked this thing.” She giggled. “Oh and just so you know you are wearing pants from now on, no dresses or skirts until you know how to move in them. And I can handle you in them.”

“You clothes all suck.”

Rome was watching her from the bed, looking like the famous Venus. She sat down at the bed again.

“We can continue where we stopped later again, but I need food and we might want to investigate for at least a moment what the trickster is doing.”

"Oh, but investigations are already ongoing," Rome said, finding a sensitive spot of flesh on her and sucking on it.

"Aaaaand that's it, off," she said, shoving him to the side.

"Hey!" he pouted, frowning deeply. He literally felt like he could do this all damn day! It was beautiful!

Lenna threw some clothes at him, and he stalked off to the bathroom to clean up and get dressed.

"Okay, so, we've found out Tricksters can just appear and reappear wherever and whenever they like, which is why we haven't been able to catch up to the bastard. So the questions we gotta figure out is how do we trap it? Assuming the evergreen stake thing works on these guys, that's easy."

Rome opened the bathroom door and re-entered, wearing jeans and one of his own t-shirts that was way too large on him. "But how do we get the bugger to hold still?"

Lenna finished getting dressed before he was back. She smirked seeing Rome in his own shirt.

“Come over here.”

Lenna pulled him over to her and made a knot in the shirt.

“Well it looks like all the Trickster wants to do was to play and eat. He pretty much lives a sunny live. We could pile up sweets and catch him like a mouse with cheese? And yes I’m pretty sure the evergreen stick works.”

Lenna took a deep breath and quickly checked in the reflection of the TV if there was no tent in her pants. She slowly got a hang of her new body. It was a shame they had to find the Trickster to stop him from killing innocent people, she would have enjoyed to keep going with Rome.

“I hope you are wearing a bra, I’m not one of those free girls.” Lenna tried to see if he was wearing one or not, she thought it would be rude to check her. It would distract them if she didn’t keep her hands off him.

"You wanna check?" Rome purred seductively, creeping up close to Lenna.

She backed away, licking her lips. "Rome, not now..."

"Oh," Rome bit his lip, "I could have you right where I wanted you any friggen time, don't kid yourself--"

He had discovered, quite suddenly, that he was an awesome woman. He was probably as awesome as Six from Battlestar Galactica. The Sex Goddess. Ooh, yeah, that was him. Or, her. Could he call himself she now?

"That's it!" Rome cried, leaping back.

"What's it?" Elenna looked confused, and a little bit disappointed.

"I could get him!"

"What?"

"He likes girls, right? Well, I'm a girl! And what a girl! With my, ahem, sexpertise, and your hot bod, chica, I'll have him taking Tequila shots out of my belly button by nightfall! Quick! We need a salon or something! And go buy me sexy clothes!"

“Whoa, what? No wait. I… That is not a good idea.”

Lenna not just didn’t like the idea.

“Yes you are a scary good girl, but you not really think I let you go and try to seduce the trickster? Do you realize how much can go wrong? He managed to swap us what happens next, he will turn you in a toad?”

She looked at him, knowing that was their only chance.

“Fine, we don’t need to go shopping I haven’t given you all my clothes. Here have a look at those three outfits.”

Lenna got more clothes she didn’t like and were hidden in her book bag.

“But you have to promise me to be careful. You can’t wear any weapon he will find it and you have to… distract him.” Thinking about to let Rome use her body to seduce a trickster, made her feel sick.

“And just for the record, I hate this idea and hope that it will changes us back. If not you will have to learn to have one boyfriend until you use my body longer than I did."

"So you been holding out on me, huh?" he winked, snatched the outfit that looked sexiest to him, and ran into the shower.

"Okay, well I'm hitting a salon while you work on sharpening stakes, because this bikini line is practically European. And yes, I looked, and no, I'm not sorry! Do you want to catch this guy or not?"

Somehow he managed to navigate the shower after using half a bottle of shampoo in her hair. He didn't trust himself shaving her legs, either, so that was up to the salon as well. He dressed quickly in the outfit she provided.

"Rome--" she frowned deeply at him.

"What? You're worried about a bra?" Rome put his hand on his hip. "Chica, you'll be lucky if I wear panties when I go after this guy. Look, you always wanted me to give you a chance to do he hunting, right? Well now you get to be the hero and I get to be the distraction."

Lenna sighed. "Fine. But just for the record, I hate this plan and you are smoking hot." She smirked and went back to sharpening stakes. Just before she remembered something.

"Here, you need money." She threw his wallet to him, since she knew hers was empty.

"Rome you need to be really convincing as a girl, so that I can get close enough to stab him in the heart." Lenna was still worried.

"Hey Rome what do we do if we kill the trickster but it won't change us back?"

"It'll work. It'll work," Rome said, like a Han Solo who really wasn't sure the raid on Endor was going to work at all.

"Okay, I'm taking the car, and I have my phone. I don't know how long these spa things take but unless I score a threesome with the towel girls--just kidding, I totally meant guys--joking, joking--seriously, I should be back in a few hours."

Elenna frowned at him. "Be careful."

"You be careful! Try not to get a boner when I'm not around to--" Rome ducked as a shoe flew across the room at his head. "Hey, watch it! Okay, I'm leaving!"

The salon/spa place he found was actually super-boring. He expected more hot chicks to be lounging around naked (or at least, you know, with his newly broadened outlook, hot pool boys doing the same) but really all it was was a bunch of old new-agey hippies and weirdness. They tweaked and plucked and exfoliated and moisturized until he swore he was either high off the fumes or wishing he was high, but he knew one thing for certain.

He was hotter than you.

Lenna had three evergreen stacks, when she took something else she hasn’t told Rome about out of her book bag. She didn’t like it, but she had to admit Rome was right. He was bait and she was the hero this time. She took the shiny silver gun, she actually had forgotten what brand it was, but she knew how it worked. Bobby had showed her a million of times. She took a deep breath and checked if it was alright, the magazine was full and it all clicked how she remembered it. She was all ready took the holster from Rome’s stuff took his jacket and left the motel looking as if she was on the way to do more investigating.

I hope you are having fun at the spa :-p Don’t you dare to cut my hair! I think he will find you as soon you are ready, I’ll be around. Kisses L

Lenna send the text to Rome, while she tried to look as if she knew how to move his body around.

Guys always walk funny. It looks a little as if they hat wet their pants. How do they do that?

Lenna tried to imitate walking like a man, not that she succeeded very well, because she actually more looked like she had wet her pants.

Rome stopped the Ferrari around the back of the motel where it was hopefully safer.

Prepare to pick your jaw up off the floor, you never looked so good! he texted Elenna before getting out of the car.

He walked around the building, headed for their room, ready to stun the hell out of her with how freaking hot he looked before they headed to some bar or somewhere for him to seduce a god (and he knew he could do it, too!), when--

He spotted him.

The trickster!

He was getting ice cream at the Dairy Queen across the street.

Should he?

Could he?

Oh, hell yeah.

He had time for only a short text before he silenced his phone and put it in Lenna's purse.

Show time.

Lenna still hoped she would find another solution, but there was no other plan that would work. Lenna had to grin when she got Rome's first text. He was right, he did look stunning.

Maybe this mess wasn't that bad. How the hell does he manage not to sleep with me before, even though when I'm not always dressed like that.

She watched him cross the street. A shudder ran down her spine when she saw the guy she had seen in her vision earlier this day.

"Yeah show time. You better be seducing, Rome. How the hell can one person eat fifteen scoops of ice cream? That is gross."

Lenna felt horrible seeing Rome with this douchbag. She felt like ripping the trickster apart wouldn't be enough, it took all her strength for her not to just go over and ruin their plan.

"That's a lot of ice cream for one guy," Rome purred by way of introduction as he stepped up to the Trickster. He took a plastic spoon from the cup on the counter and, uninvited, sat across from their target.

When the monster looked up at him with a hungry sparkle in his--its--eyes, Rome actually felt like puking and realized this was suddenly no fun anymore.

But the show must go on. And Rome was a good liar.

"Well, hello, there," it said, friendly enough. It looked him up and down, undressed him with its eyes, as Rome took a large bite of chocolate ice cream. It whistled long and low. "Looks like someone let out her inner Diva," it winked.

"Oh, I wouldn't let it all out right here in the middle of DQ," Rome said, 10% threat and 90% promise "Talk about gauche."

The Trickster wiped its mouth and settled back in the seat, just staring at him. "Well. 'Girls will be boys and boys will be girls,' won't they?"

Okay, that took him by surprise.

"Uhh." Rome said, ineloquently.

"Oh, come on, toots, don't f*ck with me. You may look delicious on the outside, but there's a big dumb jarhead underneath."

This was just a game to him. It. And he was totally kicking Rome's ass. Which pissed him off. Of course the chucklehead would recognize him! You didn't just curse people just to watch them suffer and forget who it was you cursed! Crap, he should have allowed for that.

Time for Plan B.

"Look," Rome hissed, lowering his voice and glancing not-so-covertly toward the motel where Elenna was supposed to be coming from. "We need to talk. But not here. My friend is on her--his--way over here to kill you."

The Trickster raised its eyebrows and leaned forward. It stared long and hard at him across the table and the mountain of ice cream, as if searching for a trace of double-cross or trickery. You don't bullsh*t a bullsh*tter, apparently. Rome would try to remember that, if he ever got out of here alive.

As the silence lengthened, Rome recognized snatches of the song that was playing over the Dairy Queen sound system--"Take Me Home Tonight." Gee, that was fortuitous. Or ominous, take your pick.

The Trickster sat back so suddenly that Rome couldn't help a flinch.

It barked out a laugh and shrugged. "Meh. I'll bite," it said, and snapped its fingers.

The Trickster, Rome, and the giant mountain of ice cream were gone.

Lenna ran to the Dairy Queen, her face was in pure horror and shock. How could she be so stupid and let Rome try this stupid idea. This was by far the worst plan they ever had!

“Rome! This is not funny come back. Trickster do you hear me, if you dare to hurt him, I gonna hunt you until I find you and I gonna rip you into tiny pieces. And if it is the last thing I do.”

Lenna didn’t care that she sounded like a maniac she didn’t even care that any plan she could make was ruined. In full speed she ran back to the motel room, nearly running the door in.

“Where is it… I need this crystal. I need it!” Clothes and books were flying around the room until Lenna found the crystal pendant and a map of this friggen town. Lenna took a deep breath and tried to calm down, but all she could think of what the trickster could do to Rome. Her hand was shaking when she held the pendant up, she bit her lip and tried not to cry but to be honest that’s what she really wanted to do.

“Feuer, Erde, Wasser und Luft! Ich befehle euch kommt zu mir! Und zeigt mir wo er ist, sofort!“

Nothing happened, all the pendant did was shaking because of her shaking hand.

“Feuer, Erde, Wasser und Luft! Ich befehle euch kommt zu mir! Und zeigt mir wo er ist, sofort! Ich befehle es! Kommt her!“

Lenna sounded desperate, but still nothing. She dropped the pendant and collapsed on the floor. This was not fair, she wasn’t supposed to look like this and not be able to help him.

Help…

“That’s it. Help… They suck majorly, but they can help. How the hell do I get a vision?”

She jumped up, opened her laptop and searched how to get a vision or premonition, she found a site that said some mediums get drunk to have a vision.

“Rome got too many times drunk and didn’t have a vision…” She looked around in their room when the bed they had…

He does get vision when he sleeps, but I possibly can not sleep now. He needs… Rome is counting on me that I be the hero this time.

She sighed and lied down in the unused bed. Counting sheep, which didn’t work. Counting books, which didn’t work. Counting the times Rome saved her…

A white flash made her nearly wake up, but she held on to whatever the vision caused.

She saw Rome, still in her body, with the trickster. His hands all over her/him, but it didn’t not look right, the penthouse didn’t looked real it was flickering like the air does on a very hot day. There were glimpse on an old house on a road…

Lenna woke up panting, the hot rage had stopped the vision, and she ignored her head that was hurting. All she cared was that she had a clue where to find Rome.

“This house looks way too much like the house in Happy, to be honest it looks exactly like the house in Happy. I hate tricksters!”

She grabbed his jacket and ran she couldn’t remember the street name but she knew how it looked like and she would find it. She just had to!


Spell translation:
Fire, Earth, Water and Air! I command you come to me! And showed me where he is, now!
Fire, Earth, Water and Air! I command you come to me! And showed me where he is, now! I command you! Come here!

"Nice place you got here," Rome sneered at his new surroundings. A dilapidated old house. Yeah. Because he'd had so much freaking fun in the last ramshackled hut he'd had the pleasure of visiting. "I suppose I'm not allowed to know where I am?"

"Be my guest," the trickster smiled. "I don't think it would make much of a difference."

Rome realized suddenly that he no longer had his purse. Super.

"Look," Rome said. He took in a deep breath and blew it out slowly. It didn't help. "Okay." He tried a few times to speak.

"Cat got your tongue?"

"Hey, I just don't like being zapped all over God's green earth without some kind of frakking warning!" he cried, gesturing wildly.

"You're cute when you're angry," it smirked. It liked smirking.

Rome played it up. It wasn't hard. He stamped his foot and growled, which sounded less intimidating and more--well, cute, than he intended. But, then, maybe that would work...

He took a moment to stamp off and collect his thoughts. He just had to stay alive until Lenna got here. Stay alive, and work on the Trickster. Boy, would Rome work on it!

"I just wished you'd warned me. Jesus, going off like that! Now she--he--oh, well, you know: Lenna's gonna be looking for me! I hope you know that! Way to ass up my plan!"

The Trickster wasn't buying it. But Rome expected that. "Your plan?"

"Damn right, my plan! I like this arrangement, this body, despite your best intentions to frak with us, asshole, and I'll do anything I can to stay like this!"

The Trickster looked downcast, like his plan was foiled. It reminded Rome of the scene in Muppet Treasure Island where the pirates are torturing Gonzo and he actually enjoys it, like, this won't work if he likes it! But he rallied almost immediately, perhaps sensing a bluff.

"Well, you're in luck, because there's no way you're getting out of that meatsuit until it stops being fun for me."

Bingo.

"Well," Rome said in a low, sultry voice, easing the zipper at the front of his dress down, inch by delicious inch. "We'll just have to make sure it stays fun, then, won't we?"

It took Lenna some time until she found the right road. She took a minute to calm her breath, and think about a plan which she didn’t had. But hey that was kind of Rome’s standard plan, don’t have one, run in and hope for the best.

“Oh I don’t even wanna think about what the trickster does with Rome, it is just gross.”

She ran down the road to find the old wrecked house. She was ready to kill this bastard that kidnapped her Rome… her body with Rome in it. She would not let anyone or anything get in her way.

“Let’s just hope I can handle a trickster.”

Lenna sneaked in the house searching for Rome.

Rome was an expert in prolonging foreplay. Yet, while he wanted poor Elenna to want her body back when he was through with it, he also had to distract the Trickster.

But, for the record, a god who delights in nothing but pleasure is pretty frickin' easy to distract.

He still had his panties on, for crying out loud, and already the guy was doing whatever it was deities did to get off.

The really depressing thing was that Rome could never boast god-like stamina again without getting horrible mental images.

Rome let out a loud, unladylike moan as he heard--unless he had imagined them in his hope--sounds of someone else in the house. He really hoped it was Elenna, and he really hoped that she had a plan.

Because beyond distracting the Trickster, and getting its guard down, Rome had no clue what to do.

Lenna tried to be quiet and sneaky but she still run against a small table in the wrecked living room. She took a deep breath, she had a plan and for that she needed to stay calm. She sneaked upstairs, following the voices she heard. Under the last door in the corridor was light. She remembered garage which was attached to the house.

I’m so not busting through the door, baby.

She went in the room next to the one that had light, she put the safety back on slipped the gun in the holster, jumped back out through the window on the garage roof and climbed easily up the balcony of the room the trickster was with Rome. She was lucky the curtains where half closed, so that she could hide behind them. She had a plan, it might be a stupid plan but it would get her close, hopefully. It included that she counted on some muscle memory of Rome’s body. She peeked through the window and was lucky the trickster towered with his back over Rome. She aimed, took the safety off and pulled the trigger. Well she didn’t hit how she planned it but she hit the trickster with the silver bullet which had no effect just as planned. She hit is left arm.

“Hey bastard, you are banging my girl!” She yelled while she walked in through the balcony door.

“Oh girl just because the body you are knows how to hold a gun doesn’t mean shooting me helps you. I’m not threatened by a gun, so no matter what you want you don’t get it. You stay just as you are.” The trickster giggled.

“Oh I don’t want to be a friggen witch again. I actually like this body and I start to get a hang of the visions. I really don’t want you to change us back. All I want is that you keep your hands of my girl, I think the mistake Rome did while he was in this hot body that he left the chicks too quickly. Treat them right and you get as much good sex any time you want and this includes protecting them from sleazy douchbags like you.”

The trickster looked nearly confused at Lenna, wondering if this was a trick.

“Seriously I live in a house full of hot chicks and they can all be mine if I do it smart. My own personal harem. I can’t wish for more.”

Lenna was still pointing the gun at the trickster, she was trying to ignore Rome as much as possible not because she didn’t want to see him or that she wasn’t glad he was still alive but she knew her bluff would be visible as soon she took a closer look at him.

“Get off her and let us go, we won’t hunt you and you won’t bother us ever again.”

"Oh my God!" Rome shrieked as Elenna burst in on them, guns blazing.

So since the bluff wasn't working, time for the double-bluff.

"You weren't supposed to be here!" he shouted, throwing a pillow at Lenna, who ducked.

Either in genuine surprise or (maybe, but unlikely) catching on to the second tier of bluffing, Elenna pouted. "But--but--this was the plan?"

"Your plan, you useless cretin! Not my plan! You get out of here and take your over-compensating ego with you! I was about to score with a god, dude, so, news flash: you're officially the second string quarterback!"

Again, Elenna had the decency, or the frankness, to appear crushed. "You...what?"

This had better work, Rome thought. There'll only be like a two-second window of opportunity here...

As he grabbed the Trickster, who had been watching them like a soap opera, by the lapels and, exerting his strength, wheeling him around to face him. "Take him away! Please, make him go! I want to stay with you, please! Just snap your fingers and we can be together forever!"

And while he turned on those puppy-dog eyes and anxiously stroked that bald, hideous, candy-eating face, the Trickster's back was toward Elenna. They had only one shot at this.

((Let me know if I finished it to quickly))


For a split of a second Lenna was worried Rome meant it serious that he wanted to stay in her body. Lenna took the evergreen stick and with a few quick steps she was behind the Trickster, grabbed his left shoulder and pushed the stick from behind trough the Tricksters heart. It was surprisingly easy. The Trickster, who seemed for a moment to believe Rome, knew that it was a trick. Lenna felt the high of adrenaline they just had managed a trick on the master of tricks. The Trickster’s body went limp and Lenna pulled him away from Rome on the floor.

Lenna looked up at Rome and realized they were still in the wrong body. She was still in Rome’s body and Rome in hers.

“It didn’t work, we are stuck.” She expected to hear her voice crack in panic, but she sounded surprisingly calm. No panic she just accepted the fact. It would be interesting to explain the situation to the others, but they would understand somehow.

“Are you okay Romeo?”

"Am I okay? What about you?" Rome insisted, patting her down to check for injuries.

"Hey, look, I wasn't the moron who got myself kidnapped, okay?"

"Hey!" Rome cried out, pointing. "He's gone!"

"What?" Elenna turned. The Trickster's body, which had been on the floor, had disappeared without a trace. "Dammit!" she cried. "Do you think he got away?"

"Maybe they just disappear when they're killed?" Rome wondered. "Save us the salt and burn..."

"Rome, I wanna go home," Lenna whined.

"Sure, chica, sure," Rome put his arm around her waist, and she put her arm around his shoulder. "Let's go..."

The Trickster watched as the two humans walked, arm in arm, out of the house.

And he stopped. And he thought.

Potentially dangerous? Maybe.

Had stopped being fun? Absolutely.

Couldn't have them following him? Definitely not.

He hadn't used his outright "smite" power in a long time. He was rusty, and had to psych himself up for it. But before he managed to push the Big Red Button on their pitiful, complicated, annoying lives, a voice stopped him--

"Really, Gabe?"

Shit. "Oh, uh, hey, Z., how's it hangin', man?"

"A little to the left. How's running away from home going?"

"Oh, you know..." The Trickster laughed nervously.

"Good. Now we got that out of the way, let me tell you something. Stop fucking with my mortals, dick!"

Sweet baby Jesus, those Olympians sure knew how to up the ante--the voice was right on top of him!

"Absolutely, sir, right away, sir. Just, you know, tenderizing 'em for ya! Ha-ha!"

"You're funny when you're out of your element, Gabe. And for Christ's sake, put them back the way they were."

"You betcha. Consider it done."

"And Gabe?"

"Yeah."

"Screw you very much."

Lenna put her jacket around Rome’s shoulders to cover him a little bit more. “It looks like I have to get used to pee while I stand, and you have to get used to wear a bra and glasses for reading.”

Lenna picked up the gun she had put down to stab the trickster. “And I guess those can be quiet handy.”

Lenna grinned at him. “And get used to me as your boyfriend.”

Lenna lead Rome down the stairs making sure he didn’t fall on the broken steps of the stairs. She picked him up at the hip and set him safely down the three steps further down.

“Watch your head the ceiling came down here.”

This time the way didn’t take long, after all she knew the way now. “I’ll take a shower and so should you wash off all the trickster yuck. You are awfully quiet, are you picturing us in any dirty way again?”

Rome laughed it off. "Yeah, yeah, I'm fine, chiquita--I mean, well, 'dude', I guess. Whatever, go shower you tranny, you," he laughed.

When Elenna was gone showering, Rome sat still and did nothing for a long time. He didn't often get introspective, but now he was making up for it.

And it wasn't the I'm-trapped-in-a-girl's-body thing that had him upset, either.

He didn't even want to think about what it was that had him upset. It wasn't him. It didn't make sense. It was stupid. It had to be the female hormones frakking with his rational male brain.

He jumped in the shower immediately after Elenna, without talking to her too much. And by the time he returned, she was asleep.

Rome wasn't sure it was safe for him to sleep, without nightmares and visions, but he wanted nothing more than to curl up next to her, maybe not even sleep, just...be near her.

So that was just what he did.

Lenna was too damn tired to stay awake or even bother what it means to sleep. The last thought she had was that since it looks like she is forever in this body she better learn how to control its powers. She was deep asleep when Rome curled up next to her, but she felt even in her dreams the body next to her. She moved a little closer and wrapped her new big arm around his small frame, to make sure he was safe and well it felt damn good to hold him close.

“Good night Romeo.” Lenna mumbled in her sleep.

Rome woke.

With a headache.

Nothing new or out of the ordinary, but--

"Gah!" he said, leaping upright to untangle himself from Elenna. He felt dirty and unclean and his mouth tasted funny and he was pretty sure he was...

Really, really hungover. Yep. The very empty bottle of Jack and the weirder than normal dreams only confirmed this.

God, you didn't get hammered and nail her, did you? Frak me, but that would be awkward. Way to screw up your life, Remington. Like, more than it already is.

"Rome?" Elenna blinked up at him owlishly, her brown eyes sleepy and bloodshot.

If he was hungover, she looked like she was still wasted.

"What happened?" she asked. "I had these weird...dreams..."

"Yeah, well my underwear is on backwards, how do you think I feel?" Rome asked, retreating to the bathroom. "I think we got completely--"

Oh, man, and that toilet looked so inviting--

After he finished barfing his brains out, he actually felt a little bit better about himself.

"--wasted," he finished, wiping his mouth. He flushed, went to the sink, rinsed his mouth, and then rinsed his face. "What time is it?" he asked her, and then, "What day is it?"