Head Games: A Romulenna Adventure

Rome was jolted painfully out of a dreamless stupor as someone shouted at him. Someone whose voice sounded familiar, yet awfully...weird. He'd thought he'd gone to bed with Elenna--not in that way--and hearing what might have been a male voice in a stupidly whiny falsetto was not gelling with what he remembered about last night.

Not that he remembered a lot about last night...Caleb's a werewolf...and an excessive amount of whiskey...and she might have gotten him to watch some Amanda Bynes movie while he was inebriated, but he'd try to forget that part especially.

A large hand was shaking him awake, and the voice went on shrieking. It was a stupid voice, God, and it was boring into his skull, giving him a headache. Definitely a male voice, but whoever it was seriously needed to grow a set. Maybe Elenna had hired a male stripper?

Rome opened his eyes. Then he closed them again, because what he saw wasn't right.

He tried again.

Were there mirrors on the ceiling of this hotel?

Did he have an identical twin his parents hadn't told him about?

The guy who looked like him was clearly distraught. The more Rome looked at him, the more he felt distraught. This guy didn't just look like him--he looked exactly like him!

Shapeshifter? Doppleganger? Crap, where was Elenna? Was she okay?

Rome shot awake, sitting up and shoving the thing back--or trying to, anyway, maybe the booze had gone to his head because it didn't work, and rolled across the ground for his gun. It felt weird in his hands, but he slammed a silver mag home and trained it on the creature.

...Who screamed and ducked, covering its head.

That was odd.

"It's me, Rome! It's Elenna!"

Elenna? Rome's mouth opened slightly, and he was about to protest until he caught a reflection of himself in the TV.

"Holy sh*t!" he yelled, practically jumping out of his skin. (Or maybe: jumping out of her skin?) He ignored the thing that looked like him, dropped the gun and rushed to the bathroom mirror, touching himself to see if this was real.

Oh, yeah. These were definitely real.

Lenna stood in the bathroom door, which she basically filled out.

Geez Rome is friggen huge.

Lenna didn’t care for once that Rome went in the bathroom she didn’t had anything she hadn’t see, to be exact she had seen this body uncountable times and everything he could do in a bathroom.

“Whoa hands of Mister. Just looking no touching this is a serious stupid joke.” She moaned and for the first time sounded not like Mickey Mouse. “My head is killing me.”

She closed her eyes. “Stop touching my body!” She whispered and went back to the beds on which she more collapse than sat down. She tried to remember anything from last night but the event’s stopped after Rome came back with a bottle of Whiskey.

Doesn’t Rome always have headaches after he had his visions? No, this can’t be.

Thinking made her head just hurt more, a new experience for her. Drinking some water she felt a bit better. “Dude I swear if you now stop touch my boobs I gonna tie you up until I found out how to get us right again. And don’t you dare taking of any clothes! Great and I have to pee. This is a friggin nightmare. The djinn should have done this with us. Random swap our souls into another body. I bet we would have never got out of her world.”

She heard herself laugh, or you know her body laughed with the wrong guy inside.

This sounds rather dirty.

Lenna felt awkward just wearing sweatpants so she found one of her shirts when she just realized Rome’s huge frame would never fit in it. She sighed. “Rome we have to figure this out, I’m not sure I can handle being a guy.”

Seeing his face look so pathetic was....pathetic. Those pleading puppy-dog eyes just were not hot on him. And it took Rome immediately out of himself (quite literally, actually, in some sick and twisted way) and turned his focus to Elenna.

"Hey. Hey, chica...er, Lenna, come here--" he brought her in for a hug, which was a little bit awkward logistically, because these shrimpy arms were too shrimpy, and he was lucky she was sitting down on the bed when he tried this, because otherwise it would have been impossible, but he worked it out somehow and moved on: "We'll figure out what happened here and fix it, okay? No sweat."

She (he?) was beginning to lose it. And Rome knew he wasn't a pretty crier. "But how?" she wailed, burying her face in his chest. His nice new soft pillowy chest. With boobs. Okay, so they weren't big boobs, but he couldn't actually wait to get alone so he could--

Focus, Rome.

"Well, we have to just go with it, okay? First off, right? I mean, it'll take some getting used to, yeah, but seeing us fall apart is exactly what the bad guy wants! And, I mean, think about it: we must be getting really closed to him to have him so scared that he'd do this to us, am I right?"

A sniffle. "Yeah, guess so."

"Okay. So we get dressed--yes, get dressed, it's nothing we've never seen before, don't be such a prude--and get out there and keep hunting this...whatever it is. Let's think about what it could be," he said animatedly, by way of distraction: she always loved the research bit.

"I don't know!" she said forlornly. Okay, this was not Elenna talking. Maybe she was really hungover?

"Okay, okay, well, let's think about it. There was that guy from my vision, right: could he be a witch who likes candy? This could be a spell, right? Some sort of curse? Or, hey--what was that German thing you were telling me about? Till Eulenspiegel?"

Lenna’s hand moved to her face as if she wanted to push her hair out of it but all she did was touch her ear.

“Okay maybe getting dressed isn’t such a bad idea.” She looked concerned at him. “Getting dressed doesn’t include touching yourself, so hands of!”

She pushed his arms away. “Now I know why normally you are the one hugging me, it’s pathetic if I do it or you know us in the right bodies.” A small smile appeared on her face. She pulled a wrapped present out of her bag. I bought this for you when I was playing hide and seek, but I guess now I can unpack it myself.”

“You got me a present?” She started laughing, Rome managed to look like she did when he told her he got her a book or she can do the research.

“You know as twisted this is, there is one thing I’m glad about. You are having my body so I know nothing bad will happen to it. All I have to do now is keep your body safe, you haven’t slept with any girls here in town have you?”

“I was the whole time with you.”

“Good just checking.”

Lenna took the new shirt and the new boxer shorts out of its wrapping. The shirt was easily put on, she felt better to be more dressed. Taking a deep breath she got changed into the fresh underwear. He couldn’t see it but she had closed her eyes when she took off the pants.

“I start to get a hang of this shopping it fits perfectly.” Lenna turned around and presented him the present she got for him and now for herself.

Lenna took slowly her laptop out of its bag, just in case it would turn into a robot again. “Here Till Eulenspiegel, was a trickster. It is more a myth, I don’t think we deal with him. But Bobby told me once tricksters are like kids that love to play pranks and eat sweets and the crazier the prank the better. But here read yourself.” Lenna was amazed she didn’t need to do her tricks to read the screen.

“Hey Rome, I was wondering if this is because you had a lot more to drink than I had or if the throbbing headache has another reason?” She watched him read the screen, for some reason it wasn’t that easy for her to concentrate and tell him each detail of the article.

Rome peered at the computer screen, but his eyes weren't adjusting yet, so he blinked back at Elenna.

"No, chica, I didn't even black out, much as I wish I had..." He swallowed thickly. "But, yeah, we need a hangover cure now, this friggen sucks." He went to the sink and turned on the col water, leaning over to stick his head under the spigot--but his legs were too short, or else his torso was, and anyway he couldn't quite reach and the pressure against his gut didn't help. "Oh, screw it." He grabbed a nearby plastic cup and stood there for a long minute drinking as much water as he could before returning with a glass for Elenna. "Here you go, chica, drink up. I dunno, seems like I just kinda always have headaches anymore. Maybe you could take something for it? Coffee will probably help, so let's get going to breakfast. But here let me just...read this...first..."

Rome peered at the screen again. It was still blurry. He squeezed his eyes shut and tried again.

"Okay, chica, are you blind or what?"

Elenna looked embarassed. "Um."

"Um, what? No secrets now, Lennie, if you finally made yourself go blind reading all the time I should know..."

"No! I just--I always had--I have reading glasses."

"What?" Rome stood up. "But you never wear them!"

"Yeah...they look..."

Rome didn't let her finish. "I don't care if they look like BCGs, chica, you find them and give them to me. Meanwhile, I'm gonna get changed." Rome made a grab for his duffle, stopped, put it back, and grabbed hers instead, taking it to the bathroom.

He sat on the floor of the bathroom rummaging through the clothes for some time. Okay, underwear was easy, but did she really need ones that said "hottie" on the ass? Then he rummaged some more. He was too confused to really be turned on by this anymore.

"My God, do you have any not ugly clothes?" he shouted through the closed door. He found a bra, held it up triumphantly.

He paused. Rome knew all about getting these off, but putting them on....

"Um. Lenna! Help!"

Elenna burst through the door, stopped, closed her eyes, and shut the door again quickly. "Jesus, Rome, put some clothes on me! Do I need to dress you?"

"Oh, relax! And help me put this on!" he held up the bra and waved it in her direction. I can't get it snapped when it's...behind...do I have to wear one?"

"Yes," she practically snarled, snapping it.

"Ow! This thing pinches!"

"Well! Adjust!"

"So now I have your permission to touch?"

Elenna looked overwhelmed again, so he quickly gave it up:

"Okay, okay, whatever, it's fine, never mind. I'm just gonna be on Georgie's side next time she takes you shopping." Rome quickly cobbled together what he thought was a decent outfit under her watchful eye.

"Okay, look, Rome: no. You look like a pimp dressed you! You're not even wearing pants!"

"What? Shorts? These aren't shorts?"

"Noooo, Rome, those are pajamas! And I can see your--my bra!"

"Fine. I'll wear this one. But it's ugly."

"You're ugly," she snapped. Then, "Wait..."

"And, okay, what do you do with all this hair?"

"Rome, I'm starting to worry that you might make a better girl than me."

"I don't want it in my way all day, giving me crap! Put it in one of those--um--thingies or I'll cut it all off!"

"Don't you dare. You mean a ponytail?"

"Yeah."

"Use the hairtie on your wrist."

"Huh? Oh, I just thought that was an ugly bracelet."

Lenna rolled her eyes. “Come here. I was never good in this but let me see what I can do.” She took the brush and the hairtie brushed all the hair back in a ponytail which wasn’t pretty but the messy look was totally in right now. “There we go, chica.” She grinned. “I start to see this as the greatest thing that happened lately. It is like a field trip and I can see the world through the eyes of a guy, btw a guy with great working eyes.”

She went back in the bedroom and left him alone. “Hey did you brush your teeth? I like that my body has great teeth, so brush them!”

She couldn’t avoid take a closer look in the mirror, Rome had for sure a hot body. “Hurry up I’m starving, hopefully some food and coffee will help against this headache. You really have to do something about it.”

“Like what meditate?” Rome was standing in perfect Rome-pose in the bathroom door, it was really weird to see it in her body.

“Okay maybe this is awesome and twisted. Let’s just promise not to do anything stupid while we are in the wrong bodies okay?” She picked up Rome’s jacket from the chair, but got surprised by how heavy it was. She dropped it and the metallic clang let her remember why they change the hotels so quickly last night. Carefully she picked up the jacket and his Desert Eagle. “It is smaller, somehow.” Her hand was trembling but at least she didn’t freaked (yet) out she was just standing in the middle of the room with his gun in her hand.

"'Smaller somehow'?" Rome repeated dumbly. "Uh. Yeah, chica, news flash: you're in my normal-sized body now." He took the Desert Eagle from her, tested it in his hands. "Yeah, you know what, screw it, no wonder you hated playing with this one, your tiny hands can't even hold it! I'm going out to the car to get my Tanfoglio."

Walking in a skirt was weird. Part of Rome felt guilty, like he shouldn't be seen, and he scanned the area outside first to make sure no one was looking: but that was ridiculous, so he strode out. Another part of him felt naked as the crisp morning air blew around his legs, so he rummaged around in the trunk until he found some boots Elenna never wore.

Yet another part of him, he decided, felt really friggen hot.

"Whoa!" Came a shout from the door. "Rome! Do not bend over like that when you're wearing that!"

Oops. "I was just putting on the boots?" he replied, in his defense. "And I'm wearing cute panties I want everyone to see," he winked as she approached and glowered down at him.

And, man, okay, no fair. Since when was it okay to combine Elenna's capacity for rage with his big, strong body?

"All right, all right, just kidding, Jesus," Rome said, backing down.

Elenna handed him a bag.

"What is that? I'm not carrying a purse!" Rome shrieked.

"Do you really want me to carry it?" Elenna didn't look like she wanted to screw around.

Rome considered the ruin of his image before he had a chance to crawl back inside that smoking hot meatsuit that was his own body--no wonder everyone wants to possess it!--and snatched the purse from her. "Fine," he grumbled. Okay, she kept her wallet in there, and some sort of girly chap-stick and, okay he didn't want to know what those were, but there was also a flask of holy water, a silver knife, and one of the wooden stakes from Jackson in here. Cool. That was cool. No one ever told him purses could be used to house non-girly things.

Rome paused.

He looked at the gun he was holding.

He looked at the purse.

"Two points!" he cried, slam-dunking the weapon into the now-crowded handbag. He zipped it up and flung it over his shoulder, feeling he looked awesome. "Why didn't you ever tell me these things were so amazing? Hell, I'm gonna start carrying one!"

"A purse?"

"No, like, a messenger bag. It's manly! Indiana Jones has one! And so does Jack Bauer!"

Elenna shook her head and pinched the bridge of her nose. "Okay, whatever. Let's just go get breakfast."

"I'm driving!" Rome snatched the keys from her hand and ran around to the driver's side.

“I like Indiana Jones, I think he is the hottest archeologist I ever saw.” She giggled when she sat down next to Rome. Rome had to readjust the seat so he could actually reach the pedals, which just made Lenna more giggle. “It sucks being tiny, right?”

Rome didn’t say anything and just tried to find comfortable seat position so he could drive. They drove back into town, to the diner they saw earlier.

“You order breakfast and I go to the toilet. Okay?”

“No problem.” Rome grinned about the thought of Lenna going to toilet. Lenna ignored him, and went to the toilets. She didn’t think when she opened the door. She saw a couple of girls starring at her and then screaming. Lenna stumbled backwards realizing that she just went in the wrong restroom.

In the distance she heard Rome laugh, a part of her hoped he hadn’t seen her. Taking a deep breath she went in the right bathroom wondering if there are normal toilet cabins like in the ladies restroom. There were two but in both someone was in. She sighed again and went to the urinal. This was serious awkward. Peeing while other guys were standing next to her was just weird and wrong.

I wonder what guys do while they stand next to each other peeing. Do they look at each other?

Lenna didn’t realize that she did stare at one guy comparing the size of what she saw and what she was holding.

“Ey dude, watch where you are looking at.”

Lenna mumbled sorry, looked down at herself and finished her business. She washed her hands and basically ran back to Rome. She was blushing and a little out of breath.

Rome chuckled as he heard the screams from the direction of the bathroom. He was glad he hadn't remembered to remind her to walk into the right bathroom. What a rookie move. Hilarious.

Rome perused the menu as he waited for Lenna to get through. It was another hilarious image thinking of Lenna trying to navigate the men's bathroom (once she found it).

He didn't realize that the group of guys sitting at the bar were ogling him until they got downright vocal.

He looked up to find three greasy trucker slobs leering from the barstools of the diner. Ultra-grody douche-nozzles.

"Hey, what're you lookin' at, bub?" Rome snarled, forgetting until he spoke that he wasn't exactly in much of a position to substantiate any kind of threat, unless he wanted to rummage through a purse for his Tanfoglio.

"Just the wares on display," one of them grinned toothlessly.

Rome realized something with unfortunate suddenness.

Girls sat a certain very specific way, didn't they? I mean, not all the time, and not necessarily, and it depended on what they were wearing. But he was definitely wearing a stupidly short skirt. How could he forget? The vinyl seats were sticking to his legs, it was gross.

Rome snapped his legs shut, feeling himself blush--Romulus Remington, blush!--as he covered his face with the menu. Skirt: dumb idea.

A matronly-looking waitress came to his rescue. "Hey, Joey, Lopez, get outta here, leave the lady alone!" she snapped, sending the men back to their cold coffee.

"Sorry about them, hun, you doin' all right?"

"Um..." Rome peeked out from behind the menu.

Damn, this lady was smokin'! Especially in that dirty-old-broad kind of way, the orange-tanned-bleach-blonde-cougar-type Rome had a soft spot for. Her breasts were practically spilling out of a uniform she had probably gotten new ten years and three marriages ago. She smelled like cigarettes, and probably tasted like them, too.

Rome flashed her his signature smile before he realized what he was doing: "I am now," he replied silkily.

The lady only thought he was cute, luckily, and Rome remembered his predicament just in time.

"Uh. I mean, I'm just waiting for my frien--my sis--I mean--my brother to get out of the bathroom. Two coffees, two OJs, two cinnamon rolls, and, ahh, sh--he'll probably have the pancake special, um, over-easy, with bacon, and I'll go with the pig-in-a-poke special," he winked at her, but she missed it (probably luckily), "with two eggs, scrambled, and a side of hashbrowns."

"Sure thing, hun, be right out," the waitress said, as uninterested in him as she was in Joey at the bar. Damn it. This sucks.

When Elenna returned, Rome had never been so relieved in his life.

"Thank God, what were you doing in there? Those guys at the bar were staring at me."

"Rome, you like being stared at!" Lenna insisted, enjoying the moment.

"Not like that--well--maybe by chicks--and they weren't even hot--but--oh, shut up!" Rome stood up. "I'm gonna go to the can. I already ordered for us."

Rome was so mad and weirded out and confused and scared that he didn't notice he had walked into the men's restroom until, "Well, hello, there, pretty lady," greeted him there as some drunk dickhead started pissing on the floor when he turned to stare at Rome's rack.

The puking that came next was actually pretty long overdue, in the scheme of things.

As soon the waitress brought the coffee Lenna took a sip or more like half the cup burning her tongue, but it was worth it. Her head felt better and thinking became easier. And with that she figured something out. It was one thing for her to walk in the ladies restroom but Rome was now small and guys here were huge and evil and....

“Shit.” Lenna jumped up from the table and ran back to the restroom mumbling to the surprised looking waitress. “Forgot to wash my hands.” And pulled the door open of the gents restroom.

“Um…” It felt wrong to call Rome by his name while he was in her body, at least in public. “Girl, it’s the wrong restroom.” Lenna pulled Rome at his arm out of the wrong restroom. “Dude it is one think if I go in the wrong restroom but for you it can mean trouble. The guys here are not the type of guys you should be alone with. They are more the rough and mean type.” Lenna looked worried at him. “Are you okay? He didn’t do anything fishy?” Lenna looked at Rome from head to toe.

Rome did a double-take. Did she just ask him if he was okay? He could damn well handle himself!

...Well, maybe not so much anymore.

"I can take care of myself, Lennie," he grumbled and pushed around her to the women's restroom. Which was weird. It was kind of freakishly clean in here. Maybe being a chick wasn't so bad.

When he returned to the table, the Three Stooges at the bar were gone and the food had arrived, so the day was looking better already.

"Headache going away?" he asked, as Elenna chugged the coffee like it was lifewater.

She nodded, but her brow was still scrunched together.

"Okay, so this trickster guy, he does what, then? Plays pranks on people? What's his power level? I mean, honestly, he'd have to be close to god-like to pull this number on us, right? Or are we talking more powerful-warlock type of thing? Or, hell, is this a dream? We could be dealing with another djinni."

Lenna scratched her head with a rather dumb expression on her face. “No we are not.” She spoke slowly as if she had difficulties to find the right information in her brain. She moaned frustrated,
“Your brain works like a very old computer, you should get an upgrade for it.”

She giggled, a weird picture to see and hear Rome giggle.

“I’m pretty sure it is not a warlock or anything like this. It’s too powerful. And a trickster is simple said a god. They break the rules of the gods or nature, sometimes maliciously but usually, albeit unintentionally, with ultimately positive effects. Often, the breaking of rules takes the form of tricks or thievery. Tricksters can be cunning or foolish or both; they are often funny even when considered sacred or performing important cultural tasks. An example of this is the sacred Iktomi, whose role is to play tricks and games and by doing so raises awareness and acts as an equalizer. They are killed by a stake dipped in the blood of one of its victim. Very much like the siren...”

Lenna eyes were fixed on something outside, a hot car and... “I would totally sleep with her.” It took Lenna a moment to realize what she just said. “I mean... I like her car.”

"Haha, I knew it!" Rome cried gleefully, banging hard on the table. "All women are secretly lesbians! You can try to deny it, but now I know it's totally true!" He leaned back in his seat to check out the view. "Yeah, that is a nice one. Her wheels aren't bad, either."

"Who's the lesbian now, Rome?" Elenna frowned at him.

"Oh, man, do I wish! But you wouldn't want your body back by the time I got through with it, so..."

"Rome!"

"Okay, okay, sorry. So, trickster's a god, huh? Because it's not like we didn't just completely get lucky the last time we tangled with one of those sonsofbitches. Okay, we have to find some way to track it first, though, right? Before we go in, like, stakes blazing?"

Rome paused, holding his hand out in front of him and staring at it. Well, her hand. It was trembling, faintly.

"What's the deal here, chica? You get the shakes often?"

"What? No!"

"Well why do I?...I feel..." Rome looked at his coffee cup. It was empty. "How much coffee do you have? Like, on a regular basis?"

She wrinkled her brow. His brow. Whatever.

"I dunno, like, three cups a day?"

"But not at one sitting?" He wasn't even sure how much he'd actually had, but since it was him, and their waitress was pretty attentive (and not even checking him out, which was really starting to piss him off) and kept refilling, he had to guess the answer was "a lot more than three."

"Not usually..." Elenna answered slowly, then, "Oh!"

"'Oh' is right." Rome nodded, pushed the coffee cup back from him and took a drink of water instead. "Well, at least we now know why you've got my headaches worse than usual...."

Lenna leaned her head against the chair and closed her eyes, her head was getting worse every moment. “You will get a heart attack if you keep drinking coffee like water. So please don’t do that to my body, it’s smaller and I actually would like to have it back in one piece.”

She had to make sure Rome didn’t saw how really uncool his normal headaches were for her.

Getting the coffee as IV would be a really good idea.

Lenna looked around wondering how they would find a trickster that could look like anyone. She didn’t felt like eating anymore. “Hey let’s go to the library and have look if there are books that might help us.” Since she was in Rome’s body she had his wallet, she threw a couple bills on the table finished her coffee and went out to the car. She couldn’t bear the headache anymore and she fell on her knees, it felt as if her head explode into a flash of white.

The man who had pancakes with the huge amount of syrup was giggling. He was watching them in the reflection of the mirror behind the counter. Each time they forgot they were in the wrong body, he was bursting into laughter again, and not just because they were silly. He was laughing as if he knew about them.

Lenna realized Rome, or her own voice was shouting at her or maybe just talking, she wasn’t sure. She pushed him easily aside, emptying her stomach the wrong way.

Why was that so easy? Oh yes the body swap sh*t.

“This is seriously not funny at all! This sucks!” Lenna didn’t dare to look at Rome, she wasn’t even sure why. But she felt a little stupid being a baby about having a vision.

“Lenna, are you okay?” Rome said sounding worried.

“No, yes, whatever the pancake guy he has lots of syrup and he was watching us and damn my head hurts.” Lenna wasn’t even sure if she was still sitting on the floor or standing again. She felt confused, and wanted to be back in her own body.

Rome frowned and pulled Elenna tight against him. Either he was weak or his body was fat, though, because she almost crushed him under the weight.

"Welcome to my world, chica," he said, rubbing her back and offering a bottle of water from his purse-of-holding.

"Rome, that guy..."

"Relax, you're new at this, sometimes the visions don't--"

"Rome, stop it!" She shoved him, hard. "That guy, our guy, he's in there eating pancakes!"

"Well, dammit, Lenna, just sit still for a minute!" He insisted, standing up. "Stay here, I'll be right back." He pulled the Glock from his purse, flicked the safety off, and, barely concealing the handgun in the bag, he ran back inside the diner.

Lenna sipped at the water, it helped a little. She slowly calmed down, even though it was normal for Rome to have visions it didn’t feel at all normal to be the one with the visions and finally know how he feels. As soon they would be back in the right body Rome couldn't lie to her anymore and say after a vision that he was fine.
It took her a minute to realize that she had let Rome go alone in and confront the trickster. She got up a little heavily, for the first time since she woke she felt that Rome’s body is heavier than hers. After taking a deep breath and trying to look as if she didn’t feel a train hit her she walked slowly to the diner again, just when… “Excuse me are you alright?”

Lenna turned around and saw the pretty/hot girl from earlier smiling at her. “I…”

I’m totally not okay, I’m stuck in my best friends body, had just a vision and now you are flirting with me.

“I’m having migraines, but it is alright. My sister is getting me some water and will bring me home.”

“You do now that you have water in your hand, right?” The girl was standing close enough the Lenna could smell her perfume.

What the hell? Guys seriously only think with their downstairs brain!

With some effort Lenna pulled her gaze away from her boob to her eyes, which were just as amazing. And then she got what the girl said.

“Yes I know the bottle but um she is…”

“Why do I have the feeling that she isn’t your sister and you are trying to hide something?”

Oh crab she knows.

“Yes she, um she is adopted, but I never thought of her anything less than my sister.”

“It is a shame, we would have a lot of fun...” She girl tiptoed and brushed her lips softly over Lenna’s or you know Rome’s. “Enjoy your water, big boy.”

She turned around jumped in her car and let Lenna standing in the middle of the parking lot.

I can’t believe that it is that easy, I didn’t even said anything smart. She just wanted me and… shit Rome!

She saw the diner but, a new wave of dizziness forced her to go back to the car. She just hoped Rome would be alright, and if not oh well she could have another vision now that she knew they majorly sucked.

“Note to myself, as soon I’m back me again I have to do some research on stopping visions.”

Sitting and water helped her to collect herself, and maybe the couple of Tylenol from the first aid kit she took.

"Wait did the chick mean Rome and me are more than best friends? That is... no just wrong. He's my brother."

Rome rushed back into the diner.

Sure enough, there the smug little bastard was sitting, eating his pancakes with an ocean of syrup that even Rome thought was a little gross.

Rome sidled up behind him and pressed his purse against the man's back. "Okay, Joey Gladstone, back away from the flapjacks and let's take a walk to a dark alleyway. This is a gun in my purse and no, I'm not happy to see you."

The man/creature turned, slowly, and just looked at him with a mixture of surprise and amusement. "Really?" he said, and, snapping his fingers, disappeared.

Rome was left next to a half-eaten plate of pancakes.

"Ugh!" he cried, turning back to the door, wondering why Elenna hadn't followed.

"Hey!" Came a shout behind him. He turned to see their waitress staring skeptically at him. "You gonna pay for that?"

"What?" Rome squeaked. "This wasn't--I didn't--ugh!" This guy was really starting to piss him off! He threw some bills down on the table and left in more of a huff than he arrived.

Elenna was standing by the car, still, looking bewildered and confused.

"Dude, what took you so long, chica...ahh!" Rome cried, spotting something very wrong with her appearance. He couldn't not notice something like that. "What the hell happened?"

He was staring at her/his jeans. Elenna looked down, now, too. Like she didn't notice the giant tent in her pants before!

"Ahh!" she screamed and jumped, like she was trying to get away from it. She even pulled her hand back like she was going to smack a spider that had landed on her crotch.

"No!" Rome ran forward and grabbed her arm. "Don't do that! No damaging the merchandise! What happened?"

"Rome, I feel weird!" she whined, clamping both hands over herself.

"Oh, God," Rome moaned. "Look--just--umm--okay, I'll--um--let's get back to the hotel. Get in the car. Try to think of naked old ladies."

Lenna felt never ever that horrible embarrassed in her entire life.

“I hate being stuck in a testosterone filled guy body! This is just happening because you are too well trained to think with your downstairs brain.”

She closed her eyes and tried to think at… something horrible not that she came up with anything other than the Nazi book burnings 1933 in Germany.

The poor books. Why are librarians only sexy when they are woman there should be hot librarians, like… oh okay maybe I don’t think about that either…

Lenna wondered if Rome was talking to her, but she didn’t want open her eyes. She knew how Rome was sitting in the frigging skirt he was wearing, it wasn’t the way a girl should sit.

I should have made him to wear pants.

As soon they arrived at their motel Lenna more or less jumped out of the car and didn’t wait for Rome, since he couldn’t help her right now. In a way he just made it worse, after all he was a girl and he was a hot girl. Not that she would admit this in words but her pants did this for her. She unlocked their room and disappeared in the bathroom and locked it.

I am coaching a girl through a boner.

Could this get any more sick?

"Okay, chica? Lennie? Lennie, listen to me, baby. You all right in there?"

"Go away! Make it stop!"

Rome tried to open the bathroom door, but it was locked. "Ugh, dammit, Lennie, what do you want from me, you want me to suck it off for you?"

"No! Go! I want it to go away!"

"Dammit, Lenna, you can't do that!" Rome threw his shoulder into the door, but it didn't budge, and he figured they'd shot up enough hotel rooms in this town already, so he didn't bother going for the gun. "Let me help you!"

"You want to take care of this?" she shrieked, appalled.

"Well, I'd certainly know how! Lenna, there's no shame in this, don't make it weird!"

"It's grooooooooss!"

"Okay, fine, then you need to take care of it! Unless you want to know how much it will hurt if you don't?"

"You mean it gets worse?"

Rome sighed heavily and leaned against the door. This was so far beyond weird.

Lenna was leaning against the wall next to the door. Her eyes were closed she tried to figure out what to do, of course she knew what to do, it was more considering her two options.

In fact the boner is not the gross thing, it is more that Rome knows about it. Couldn’t I have one under the shower and it would be forever my secret!

She sighed and whispered. “Dead horses, burnt Mustang, people talking in the library, um… damn it not working.”

I have two options:
I take care of it myself - the bad thing is I know my hand job is not the best.
I let Rome take care of it (I bet his hand job is much better since he has practice in it) – the bad thing here he will never let me forget this…
Oh there is a third option I find a girl and bang her…

“A girl… That’s it.”

She unlocked the door and opened in one hasty movement and caught the falling Rome.

“Hello there!” She said in a flirty voice.

“Did you take care of…?”

“Sleep with me!” Interrupted Lenna him. “You get a free ride, you want to know how it is to have sex as a girl, but I know how guys can be and you are basically a virgin. So sleep with me that helps me with my problem and you get what you want. And it is as if we would have sex with ourselves, in a weird twisted way.” Lenna looked at Rome as if she was undressing him already in her mind, which she actually totally could.

Rome leaped back about twelve feet, meeting the wall behind him. It wasn't quite terror or disgust in his eyes, but it was definitely...surprise?

She wanted him to have sex with her. Right, because the decisions she made with her downstairs-brain always worked out.

"Lennie!" he cried, dumbly.

They stood staring at each other for a few long seconds. Lenna--his body--looked at him hungrily, in more ways than one. He had to admit his stomach did a little flip-flop at her proposition, and all the blood must have rushed somewhere, but girl-boners were just so much more graceful.

But he had a responsibility--a duty--to be the big brother here, no matter what, and Oh, God, that just made it gross!

"Lennie, Lennie, stop," he said, arms outstretched like he was keeping a wild animal at bay. Which, hell, may as well be, hur hur hur. "Think about this, I don't want you to do something you'll regret later."

Now she looked hurt, "You don't like me?"

"Like you?" Oh, God, women! He couldn't do this. He just couldn't. Even if he could get past the sleeping-with-his-sister feeling, that would make Elenna just like all the others, and he knew he definitely didn't want that.

But he also couldn't tell her that.

"What's that got to do with anything?" he snapped back. "You only want to do this to take care of your current problem, and I don't think you'd feel good about it after. Just, let me take care of it--hell, Lenna, I'll even blow you," he said with an obvious shudder, "and that's something I can guarantee I will never want to share as long as I live!"

On the other hand... He couldn't deny how badly he wanted to take this new meatsuit for her first ride, as it were. Maybe it was simply the stud he was in bed, but he had always suspected that girls had a better time than he did, and that was saying something! But the odds of her allowing him to go take her body for a night on the town without her were pretty slim...

"Rome, it hurts..."

"Dammit, Lenna!" But it wasn't as accusing as he meant it to be. In fact, more than anything it sounded like a pick-up line.

Lenna looked annoyed at him, well as annoyed she could look right now.

"I am pretty sure I feel better afterwards. See it as a experiment, there is no way I let you sleep with anyone else. So if you want to know how it is for a girl that's your chance."

Lenna walked slowly closer to him.

"Also we then never have to feel guilty again that we lied to Tex after we came back from Happy. How can you say no to all this hot meat? I even smell good and the best part we know what the other body likes. And did I mention mutiple orgasms?"

Lenna was now standing just an inch from his outstretched hands.

"I think it is totally arousing when I tell you to sleep with me."

((Over-18 Only Warning In Effect.))

Okay, in all fairness, he tried.

But, multiple orgasms? Really? Who was going to say no to that? He was still a living, breathing, red-blooded man--

Well, sort of.

He was shaking. Shaking! Romulus Remington, shaking like a girl during her first time! He was appalled at himself. Then again, what wasn't appalling about this situation?

"Lennie," he tried to protest again, but his mouth was dry.

Okay, okay, he coached to himself. You can do this, for her. It's not really taking advantage of her if she asks, right?

The hell you are! She doesn't know what she's doing! She hooks up with random creeps at bars and she's gonna get killed someday because she has a thing for sleazey douchebags like you!

Okay, fair point. Maybe if she finishes first, she'll realize what she's doing and call a halt. It's not like I can get carried away if she doesn't want me to!

But then Elenna kissed him, and his brain just went on autopilot. She was a hell of a kisser! Or he was. Try not to think about it.

Try not to think about it?! I keep reaching for a gearshift that ain't there! I have no clue what to do and this is going to be a major disaster.

Because, of course, the thing that scared Rome more than anything in the world was the inability to not perform in bed.

She had gotten her jeans and boxers off, and she actually tore the dress in half right down the middle to get him out of it. Which was a little bit scary--he'd never pegged her as the controlling, possessive type.

And whoooooa, man, that's not helping me keep my head!

"You're tense, stop it," she moaned, pushing him back onto the bed.

She kissed him again, tried him to relax. It was nearly funny, she never pictured Rome to be tense and nervous in this moment, she would have laughed if she didn’t felt so close to exploding.

Damn he really tastes good. And those curves…

She was hot, her breathing quickened and suddenly she felt the intense pleasure. It wasn’t longer than a few seconds, but those seconds as awesome they were cleared her head. She stopped, which made Rome nervous and try to jump out of the bed.

"Where do you think you are going? Come back here." Lenna pulled him closer again. "I'm okay, let's do this. It's like riding a bike once you got the hang of it you can go."

Okay, no fair. If he made a chick go to bed with him, that was called rape. When Lenna did it, it was suddenly okay. Geez, it was a good thing he was a guy, otherwise this would look really wrong...

Oh, wait.

Ah, well. No harm, no foul: can't rape the willing. And he was willing.

It took them a while to get used to navigating their new, ahem, vessels? Was that right? It was like riding a bike, all right--riding it backwards! There was many an unromantic "Ow, wait, stop, you're doing it wrong!" and a "Move, no, the other, here let me!" It took Rome what felt like forever to actually reach the petit mort--but, holy crap! Then it was like he couldn't stop!

It was like giving cocaine to a caffeine addict.

Sure, sure, hypothetically he'd like to be back in his normal body, you know, someday, but he hadn't been in Lenna's skin for longer than five hours and already he was positive you couldn't pry his cold, dead husk of a soul out of this hot piece of meatsuit for all the money in the world. And it didn't even bug him that his own body really turned him on, which was not only completely narcissistic (which he didn't mind so much) but also super-gay (which he minded a bit).

In fact, the only thing that bugged him was that they must have been at this for hours, because he was starting to get hungry. But he would definitely sooner starve to death than call a halt.