One Step At A Time

Jo had worried when she had gotten home and Liam wasn’t there but his note calmed her down. She knew Liam and she knew he needed to get out and away from everyday life once in a while he was either in London with Dick or here in Oxford with Alfie. She wasn’t sure which of the two she preferred. She watched some TV but the day had exhausted her so she went to bed.

Normally she would have been grumpy when someone woke her up in the middle of the night but somehow the words Liam used made it okay.

“You should drink some water alcohol dehydrates you. Let me make you a tea.” Jo pushed him gently on the pillow but he suddenly grabbed her. “No don’t go away. Lady I need you. I really, really need you.”

Jo looked at him and suddenly saw what he meant his tight trouser gave him away. “Um Liam…”

“I just love it so much to make love to you, I really need to feel you.” Liam whispered gently.

Jo was shivering, but nodded. “Okay. Just um please be gentle okay?”

Liam sat up and looked excited at Jo. “Really?”

Jo didn’t answer but took of her PJ’s. Liam started kissing her passionately while his hands were gently roaming over her body. Jo was very passive and before Liam could really do anything he felt… wet when he kissed her cheeks.

“Jo, are you okay? Did I hurt you?”

“No, just…”

Liam kissed her once more and then pulled the duvet over her. “I’ll wait until the baby is born.”

Jo cried while she put on her PJ’s again. “I’m really sorry Liam. I wish I just could let you do your thing but…”

“I still love you very much. Because you are my Lady!” Liam kissed her and pulled her tight.

Liam liked that she allowed his arms around her, though he hated the fact that he still couldn’t have her the way he wanted to. It was kind of exhausting, keeping it together like that, and it was insanely hard, Jo had no idea, but seeing her tears of fear made him realize how scared she was of sleeping with him, so he really had to stay away, even though he hated it.
Jo had her back turned towards him while he still had his arms around her. “Are you mad at me?”, she whispered, and he could hear her voice trembling from the tears.

“No, I’m not.” He paused for a moment. “I love you, Lady.”

A weak smile appeared on her face. “I love you too, Handsome.”

The next morning Liam could barely remember what he said last night, especially not that he constantly mentioned that he loved Jo. He could only remember that she was not ready to sleep with him, not until the baby was born. Oh, how much he longed for that day…

March 8th
It was very early on Sunday when Liam got up. It was a day Liam usually didn’t like, a day that returned every year and only reminded him of a person he had loved so much and lost, it was Mother’s Day. But he decided to start a new tradition, to get rid of the sadness of the day and turn it into something good, because now it was Jo’s turn, who was technically not a mother yet, but in the process of becoming one. In two months she would be the mother of his child, which was a crazy thought, but he wanted to let her know how much he appreciated her, so he decided to surprise her with a little Mother’s Day breakfast.
He got up quietly since he didn’t want to wake up Jo, got dressed and ready, then left Waterfall Downs to drive downtown. He didn’t take the car, of course, he preferred the bike, even though it would take longer and it was still kind of chilly outside, but he just liked the fresh air and wanted to avoid driving as much as possible- and he refused to call Charles to drive him around.
He arrived in downtown Oxford where he went to the best bakery and got Jo’s favourite pastries and-just in case-another jar of peanut butter since they were almost out of peanut butter once again. When he walked out of the bakery he suddenly stopped because he almost ran into a stroller.
“Oh, sorry…” Liam looked up, directly into Maggy’s eyes. They both were a bit surprised, and the situation was definitely awkward. Liam’s eyes wandered to the little baby in the stroller, hers and Victor’s…eh…son? Daughter? He couldn’t tell, he just knew that kid was really ugly, with a very deformed head. It seemed to be a girl though since the clothes looked rather girly. Of course he couldn’t stand Maggy, but he actually felt kind of sorry for her since she was with Victor, who definitely did not prepare a Mother’s Day breakfast for his wife.
“Hey…”, Liam said, but Maggy bit her lip and passed him without replying anything. He just watched her for a moment, but then walked to his bike and went home since he wanted to make sure that Jo wouldn’t wake up before getting her surprise.

“Hey Yvaine…” Liam bent down and tickled her cheek softly with a daisy. Jo opened her eyes slowly and sat up, then she noticed the tray with the pastries.

“What’s this?”, she asked sleepy.

He smiled. “Happy Mother’s Day.”

She felt her heart beating quickly. “What?”

“I know you’re not a mum yet, but you will be, so I thought…well…I know you like those pastries.” He played with the daisy. “And I brought your favourite flower. I like daisies too, you know…they remind me of a very special night…” He couldn’t hold back a grin, but then he noticed fear in her eyes and he realized that she might have gotten the wrong message. “Oh no, I’m not…I mean, I did this here not to seduce you or anything, it’s really just…well…eh…yeah, happy Mother’s Day…”

Jo looked Liam, he really didn’t look like he was trying to seduce her.

“This is really cute. Thank you.” Jo leaned forward and kissed Liam. “I just wish I could have a cup of coffee.”

“No coffee for you until the little midget is born.” Liam kissed Jo back.

“I know.”

Jo leaned her sleepy head against his shoulder. She liked it to be that close with Liam. His hand was resting on her stomach. He leaned over and took the stethoscope. He smiled when he heard the heartbeat steady and loud.

“How do you feel?” Jo mumbled while she was eating one of the pastries.

“I’m feeling good. I didn’t do anything that hurt you last night did I?” Liam was a little distracted by the heartbeat. Jo started giggling and that shook him out of his trace,

“What?”

“She likes it when you talk, give me your hand.” Liam let Jo lead his hand and as usual it surprised him when something pushed back from the inside of Jo.

“What do you mean she likes when I talk?” Liam looked amazed, freaked out, worried and surprised at Jo’s stomach.

“She gets all calm and pushes against your hand. Just like her mommy she loves to listen to your voice.” Jo whispered. “Maybe you could sing a little for your girls?”

The fact that the baby reacted to his touch and his voice was totally freaking him out again, and he was very tempted to get up again and say something like ‘I have to work in the lab’, but he realized that running away every time something freaked him out was not an option, and it also made Jo rather sad and upset every single time he did it. He had told her he would be there for her, no matter what, but so far he found himself constantly leaving as soon as he felt a connection between him and that little person inside of her. He never wanted to be that kind of father who would leave his child because he was too afraid to be a dad, but that’s exactly what he had been doing the past weeks.
“You…eh…want me to sing to…it?” Liam looked from Jo to her stomach. “You sure it can hear me?”

She smiled. “She hears you all the time, that’s why she pushes her hand against yours when she feels it. She recognizes your voice and knows you’re there.”

This was freaky. But nice. Somehow. Not that he would admit it.
And it happened again, he couldn’t stop it. He started getting nervous, so nervous that he just couldn’t stay put and had to get up.
“I…ehm…I just remembered that there are loads of things that I still have to take care of, like…eh…for class and…” He paused for a moment. Jo looked hurt, almost as if he just hit her right in the face. “I…um…didn’t finish the…” He couldn’t turn away because he felt her hand suddenly grasping his arm.

“No.” Her voice was almost cold and very determined.

“What?”

“I’m tired of it, Liam. I’m tired of you running away all the time, hiding from me and your child. Are we so horrible that you can’t stand to be with us?”

“Of course not.”

“Why do you constantly have to walk away from us then? You know how much I love you, but she will love you too, even if you don’t want to believe it, but she will, and you will hurt her just as much as you hurt me by walking away from us all the time. And she will love you regardless, no matter how many times you walk away from her, just like I do. But do you really have to do this in the first place? I thought you would be different than your father…” She didn’t sound angry, she sounded sad, almost defeated, which made him feel really bad. “Why are you doing this all the time?”

Because I care too much for you, for both of you, and sometimes it just scares me…
Liam stared at the floor and hesitated for a moment, but then he sat back down next to Jo and looked directly into her eyes. “I’m sorry, Jo.”

She sighed. “I know that, but I just see you getting up so quickly all the time as soon as something happens with our little peanut here…”

“I’ll work on that”, he said. “Promise.” He put his hand on Jo’s stomach and bent down, not caring how stupid it probably looked that he talked to a stomach. “Hey there, your mum says you can hear me? If that’s true, I hope you didn’t already hear the swear words I might have used in your presence…”

Jo chuckled. “Yeah, I hope not.”

Liam smiled, then he started singing Wouldn’t It Be Nice by the Beach Boys, so quietly that it almost sounded like a lullaby, even though it wasn’t. A smile played around Jo’s lips while she listened to him singing the song, and then he felt it again, that little push against his hand. Jo was right, that little person there was saying hi to him.

Jo started to feel really good in the last weeks and seeing Liam being with her and their child made her feel so good. “Liam do you even know how much I love you?”

“Um yeah sure I guess.” Liam looked up a little shy as usual when Jo was talking about her feeling. Jo pulled his head up and kissed him.

“I love you more than anything.” Jo whispered. “And this is really, really lovely. Not just the breakfast but also the whole you and I staying in bed for a little bit longer.”

Jo started to like it a lot when she felt her little peanut move inside of her, especially when she was reacting to her dad. “It is weird to think that in two month our little girl is already born. It is a scary thought to be responsible for her life.”

Liam’s eyes wandered back to her stomach. Jo was right, in two moths it would no longer be the two of them, but three. And Jo seemed to be incredibly sure that they were expecting a daughter. Since she had been talking about ‘her’ for the past weeks, Liam kind of got used to the thought of having a daughter, though he had no idea how he could ever be a father to a little girl. Boys were so much easier, but girls…If it was going to be a girl, he had no doubt that the girl would love her mommy so much and not connect with him at all since he would not know what to do with her. He didn’t know how girls worked, really. Well, he knew about their anatomy, and that was about it. Besides, he had never cared for little girls anyway, so he especially didn’t know how little girls worked. What was he supposed to do with her? He sure as hell couldn’t see himself dressing up in stupid costumes or playing with her dolls. Oh yes, she would never connect with him. But that was okay, as long as she had a mother she could get attached to, and her mother would give her all the love she possessed.
And that certain mother sure as hell knew how to freak him out again! Did she really have to point out that they were responsible for another person’s life? Well, Liam definitely felt responsible for Jo’s life and the need to protect her, which he had already felt with his mum, but now there was another human being, a tiny human being, entering their life, which meant he was responsible for both Jo and midget. On top of that Liam knew how bad he was with that. Sooner or later one of them would get hurt, maybe even both, and he would be the one responsible for that. He didn’t tell anyone, but it scared him more than anything to think about the possibility that Jo or the baby could get hurt and he would lose them.
Liam took a deep breath. “Yeah, I know, it’s…scary.”
And I hope you are aware that as soon as I’m responsible for someone else’s life, they will get hurt eventually…

“But we can do it, right?” She looked at him with her pretty doe-eyes that he loved so much, and he couldn’t do anything but nod and smile, even though he was scared and worried on the inside. There was no way he would tell her…

A day later, sometime in the late afternoon, Liam got on his bike to drive downtown to the video store because he and Jo had decided to have a film night, but they were so bored of most of their videos since they had watched them so many times, and there was nothing on TV, so Jo asked him very kindly if he could buy a new film (oh, and some peanut butter, since they were running out again). After Liam arrived downtown and picked out two new movies that sounded like something both of them could like, he passed a section marked ‘adult movies’. Now, ever since Liam was a married man he definitely had less Playboys lying around than he had before and he tried not to get tempted and watch certain TV channels that came rather late in the evening, when Jo was already asleep because she was very tired due to the pregnancy. However, the past months had been really tough on him since he wasn’t really allowed to touch his wife, not to mention sleeping with her. So, he kind of needed something that distracted him from not being intimate with Jo…just this one time…really…and that was it. He wasn’t cheating on her or anything, so there was no reason to feel guilty for buying this…movie. Liam felt like a 12-year old boy secretly getting his first Playboy magazine, he was really paranoid that suddenly someone he knew could show up behind him any second and then see what he bought. Luckily, that didn’t happen.
When Liam got home he grasped the videos tightly as if he worried that someone would rip them off his arms. Nobody really noticed him until he ran into Ellen who didn’t even pay attention to what he was holding, she just told him that Jo was still in the library, teaching her last class of the day. This was perfect because now he could quickly sneak upstairs and hide that one video somewhere where his wife wouldn’t find it, but when he went into the empty flat he thought that he could just dare to take a little peak…after all, Jo was still in class. Liam put the two family movies that they were going to watch later this evening aside, and put in the film that his wife wasn’t supposed to watch with him…like, ever!
He sat back on the couch and tried to relax, but he was still a little tense because he was worried that Jo could come in any second. When he finally stopped thinking of Jo, he focused on the screen…and realized that something was wrong with that film.
Very, very wrong.
He waited, because he hoped that there would still a woman show up at some point, but so far there were only guys. And those guys were getting undressed. And Liam was so shocked that he just stared at the screen and didn’t even hear that the door behind him opened. And those guys seriously started to make out. Okay, this was getting too much, he was already so traumatized that he couldn’t think straight. Some idiot must have swapped the video cases and he had bought the wrong film.
“Holy Shit!” Liam jumped up and turned off the TV, but when he turned around he almost jumped again because Jo stood there, staring completely shocked and puzzled at him.

“Wha…what’s going on, Liam?”, she asked.

He tried to sound calm. “Nothing.”

“Was this…did you…” She paused for a moment, still in shock. “Did you just watch gay porn?”

Oh Shit.
Liam shook his head. “No, no, this is all…you get the wrong idea! I wasn’t…I…”

“I’m sorry, but I just saw it with my own eyes, and you were watching…that…” Jo started to look more freaked out than Liam himself.

“No, I didn’t! I mean, I did, but not on purpose…I…eh…”

“I need to sit down.” She took a deep breath and sat down on a chair, then she took another deep breath. “Since when?”

“What?”

“Since when are you interested in men? Before the pregnancy? Or the entire time? Is it because I don’t sleep with you and now you want to try out something else? This makes sense now…you being so freaked about the whole gay thing…you just didn’t want to tell me and hide it and-“

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold it right there!”, Liam interrupted her. “I’m not into guys! Not at all, I swear. This whole…this…it’s a misunderstanding, okay? I am absolutely not interested in having any sexual intercourse with the male species, I swear on…on…the baby!”

“What?” Jo stared at him.

“I’m sorry, but since I don’t swear on God, or Jesus or the Holy Virgin Mary because I don’t believe in those things I’ll swear on something I believe in. Just…believe me, okay? ” Liam looked serious at her.

“But what about…?” She nodded in the direction of the TV.

Liam sighed. “Okay, I have to admit it. When I went into the video store to buy some new films I also passed the porn section, but the cover said nothing about…guys…” He felt as guilty as he felt when his mother discovered the Playboys he had hidden under his bed when he was 12. This was so awkward. “You believe me, don’t you?”

((Geek loves Geek production proudly presents our guest star Maeglin as Dick Pound))


Jo looked at him, and she wanted to believe him but… “I do. Um you want me to leave?”

“What no, why?” Liam looked uncertain at her.

“I dunno if you want to watch something alone?” Jo had no idea how to handle this situation, not really the gay porn but the porn in general. She wasn’t mad or jealous but just confused, she didn’t mean interrupt him when he was… doing his alone pleasure time.

“No, no. Oh God no!” Liam looked shocked at Jo.

“Oh um okay.” Jo sat shy on the chair. She really didn’t know what to do, her right hand was resting on her big baby belly. She felt the baby kick insanely it was like she was really upset about something. Jo hadn’t noticed it but she had started crying.

“Hey.” Liam came slowly closer to her and kissed her. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Jo leaned her head against his chest. “You didn’t.”

Liam leaned down and kissed her belly. “Whoa someone is really active in there. Did you tell her she has to exercise to look pretty?”

And suddenly the little peanut calmed down and all she did was press herself against his hands. Jo smiled. “She really likes you. And as I said, I can leave you alone so you can…”

“I want do nothing more than be with you.” Liam’s eyes wandered over Jo’s boobs.

“Liam!” Jo giggled nervous.

“I know, I know only looking no touching.” Liam kissed her on the cheek. “So I got the movies… no not those movies. So plans for dinner?”

Jo smiled and him. “Yes it is already in the oven I put it in before my last class. Roast Chicken and potatoes. Let me just quickly steam the vegetables. And I made gravy that is not made of peanut butter just for you, no peanuts at all in this meal.”

“Oh good.” Liam laughed. And this evening Jo and Liam been closer than they had in a very long time, watching movies all night and talk about every topic they knew.


A few days later it was the first task the staff of Waterfall Downs Academy for Gifted Youngster. It was parent’s weekend, the first day of it. There were no classes, so that the students could help with the preparations. And the ten boarder students were really excited to see their parents again. The Friday passed without incidents, all parents arrived for dinner on time and enjoyed the little concert of the music class. On Saturday they had a huge garden party, with crocket, tennis, sandwiches, tea and lots of fun. Jo was talking with a few parents when she saw something horrible happen. Ricky went to Dick to have a chat with him.

“Oh my… please excuse I’ll need to talk to my husband.” Jo looked apologetic at the parents of one of their boarding girls, Amanda.

“Oh yes sure.” Amanda’s mother smiled.

Jo ran as fast as her big belly let it happen to Liam who was standing with Alfie. “Liam! Liam look over there.” Jo pointed at Dick and Ricky.

Ricky knew Dick of course but he had never really talked to him. He had just gotten a glass of punch and enjoyed the sunshine. Everyone was somehow busy and the young boy saw Dick standing alone and he felt sorry for him. He went over to the man. Yes Dick was grumpy and weird but he was kind of attractive. "So you hear to watch the children? Or Liam? Did anyone ever tell you that you shouldn't look so grumpy you have pretty face but you really should use some moisturiser after you shaved." Ricky was tiptoeing to get a better look at Dick's face. "If you wand I can get you some of the brand I am using."

"Umm. No. I am here for Liam." Dick looked at Ricky clearly feeling the end of conversation vibes.

"Oh yeah okay. but he is a grown man marry and about to have a kid I think he can take care of himself don't you? I mean what do you think will happen here?" Ricky was actually curious to really get to know Dick, he was so mysterious.

Dick didn't respond. Maybe if he ignores this kid he'll go away?

"Hey Liam never told me what you work. So what is it that you are doing in London?"

Dick stayed quiet.

"Where are you from? Why are you hooked so much on Liam, he has a dad right you know that right?" Ricky looked curious at Dick.

A dangerous glint flashed in Dick's eyes. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?" he snarled.

Ricky did a step back, but was not yet defeated. "He has found his dad Graham. I'm just saying you don't need to protect him anymore he is a grown up man. Thought about letting go and getting on with your life?"

That seemed to placate Dick, as if he had been looking for something in Ricky's words that he didn't find. "This is my life."

"Oh um yes, I understand." Ricky looked right into Dick's eyes. "When I met Liam he was my entire world. I loved him so much until I realized that forever this lovely girl will have the first place in his heart. I hope you know that."

"I meant--what? Are you some kind of homo?"

Ricky looked hurt. "I am..." The young boy took a deep breath. "Yes I am into men. And honestly I think you see more in Liam as you want to think, but that is your thing so I let you believe whatever you want, but if you call watching a man your life you and I are in the same boat." Ricky knew that this was a bold move but he had seen Liam watch them.
The move was instantaneous, full of deadly precision and no little wrath. In a single motion he grabbed the kid by his fancy lapels and slammed him against a tree: not nearly hard enough to hurt him, but plenty hard enough to scare him. "My LIFE is killing people for money. Get that right. Sometimes I do it to protect Liam, sometimes I do it because I like killing. So don't fuck with me," he growled low, and then released the boy and stalked off. The exchange was quick, so although a few heads turned, they quickly realized it wasn't serious.

When Jo pointed out Ricky and Dick to him, Liam felt something he most certainly hadn’t expected to feel, and it took him a moment to realise what that feeling really was. Jealousy.
It was seriously bugging him that Ricky talked to Dick like that. Well, he couldn’t tell what they were talking about, and he had no idea what on earth Ricky could possibly say to Dick since they were two completely different people, but Liam really wasn’t happy about seeing the other boy getting so close to Dick. It wasn’t the kind of jealousy that Liam felt when some guy checked out his wife, no, this was a different kind of jealousy. This was like watching your bother kissing up to your dad, and suddenly you became all insignificant to daddy. He felt stupid for feeling that way and for thinking it, but still, he felt like some other boy just walked in and took away his...um…dad…sort of…
However, Liam had to remind himself that it was Ricky, and Ricky was a nice guy who would never do anything for selfish reasons, so he probably only talked to Dick because he noticed that the older man was all alone. Which, of course, was something Dick preferred, but Ricky didn’t know that and meant no harm. Still…it was bugging Liam, and he couldn’t get rid of that feeling.

“That’s weird, seeing those two together. I wonder what they are talking about…”, Jo said. She was very distracted, but Liam suddenly noticed Alfie who looked like someone just scratched his Rolls Royce right in front of his eyes. Or worse; poured some tea over his beloved couch, and he was really, really attached to that couch, it was sacred to him.
It took Liam a moment until he realised what was going on, although he wasn’t completely sure about it. From the way Alfie looked at Dick and Ricky, one could almost think that he was jealous, which was completely weird because Liam had never seen him jealous before. Besides, there was never the need for him to be jealous, that boy had absolutely everything, and yet there was actually something, or someone, who made him jealous, and it was not that kind of jealousy that Liam was feeling at the moment, this strange ‘sibling-rivalry’ as he watched Ricky talking to Dick. No, this was the other kind of jealousy, the kind of jealousy that showed how much Alfie in fact cared about Ricky.
Without really thinking about it, Liam turned to the older boy. “You’ll see, Dick will scare him, with or without intention, depending on what Ricky says to him.” He was also telling that to himself so that he would get rid of this ridiculous ‘Daddy-is-paying-more-attention-to-someone-else’-feeling.

“What exactly are you saying?” Alfie actually sounded grumpy, which was something Liam wasn’t used to either. Sarcastic, yes, but not grumpy.

“Well…” Liam didn’t want to imply anything weird, especially not since Alfie looked incredibly pissed while Jo, on the other hand, had a hard time not bursting out into laughter and turned a bit to the side so that the boys didn’t see the grin on her face. This was all very amusing for her.

“Well? What’s that supposed to mean?” Alfie crossed his arms, still watching the others suspiciously.

“Eh…what I meant was…um…you don’t have to worry that Ricky could get interested in Dick because Dick is not really the friend-making type, you know…”

Alfie just glared at him and Liam immediately regretted what he just said. Man, Alfie was scary when he looked pissed. No shit.

“I don’t have to worry? Are you bloody joking? I don’t give a shit if Ricky is talking to other guys, it’s not like we’re a bloody married couple, so what the hell do I care?”
Oh yes, he was totally, utterly, one hundred percent jealous. That was exactly what jealousy sounded like, and Jo almost died while she tried so desperately not to laugh.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to offend you or anything, but I just wanted you to know that you don’t need to be jealous of Dick because-“
Oh shit. He said the ‘J-word’ in front of Alfie. Why couldn’t he just shut up for once?

“What?” Alfie looked at him as if Liam just told him that there was absolutely no alcohol left in the world. “Are you fucking with me, Liam?”

“Um…no…”

Now Jo was literally biting her hand, otherwise she would burst out laughing.

“Whatever!” Alfie looked at Dick and Ricky for a last time, then he got out a pack of cigarettes. “I’m off for a bit.”

Jo finally managed to hide that amused grin on her face as she turned back to the others. “Would you mind if you don’t smoke in front of the kids?”, she asked politely.

Alfie didn’t show any facial expression. “I actually wanted to ask the little brats if they want to join me”, he replied dryly, then walked away, leaving Jo a bit confused.

“He’s not serious, right?” That grin of hers reappeared on her face when she saw Liam glancing into Ricky’s and Dick’s direction. “Oh man, you two have to learn how to deal with jealousy.”

“You two? I’m not jealous!”

“No, not at all.” She rolled her eyes. “There’s actually some other boy who dares to have a conversation with your Dick…”

“First of all, he’s not my Dick, and secondly, I really don’t care, seriously.” Liam knew that he didn’t sound convincing and Jo had to smirk.
“Whatever!”, he mumbled.

“What now? You want to hide in a dark corner and smoke while you realise that you care about a person more than you want to?”, she asked teasingly.

Liam crossed his arms. “Oh, shut up.”
He had been right after all. Dick did scare Ricky because he shoved him against a tree, but nothing serious, just enough to make Liam feel better. Oh God, did he just really think that?
When Dick turned away, Ricky watched him, not really disturbed, just a bit confused, and Jo sighed. “I think I’ll talk to him. You better go to your Dick, I think he needs you”, she said teasingly to her husband. Before he could reply something, she turned away from him and walked to Ricky, and Liam looked into the direction where Dick just vanished and found him in a corner, far away from all the students and parents.
“Hey…” Liam actually tried not to grin because he now had the proof that Ricky wouldn’t replace him. Oh man, was he really thinking about that?! Geez, thank God Dick couldn’t read his thoughts.
“So…you met Ricky, hm?”

Dick just glared at him.

“Okay…” Now he couldn’t hold back his grin any longer. “I mean, he’s a nice guy and all, but I don’t think you two have a lot in common, so you should better-“

“Kid?”

“Yeah?”

“Shut up.”

“Yes, sir!” He was just glad that there was obviously not a new boy who would replace him. Good. That was very good. “But just to make sure—“

Dick stared at him coldly.

“Okay, okay, I'm quiet now.”

Jo was laughing so hard she had to go first to toilet or she would have peed herself and then she went to Ricky who was still leaning at the tree. Jo was still laughing.

“Oh Ricky, you made my day. About what did you talk to Dick? It drove Liam and Alfie totally insane with jealousy.”

“I was talking about his dry skin and… Jo did Liam ever tell you that Dick is homosexual? Well actually I think he does not know it himself so I would be surprised if Liam knows it.” Ricky led Jo to a few chairs and made her sit down on the way he got some tea for her and a fruit salad.
Jo took everything Ricky gave her, she knew he was just making sure that she ate well and drunk enough.

“Dick? Into men?”

“Yes and I actually think into younger men… like…”

“Liam and you. That makes actually a lot of sense why he cares so much about Liam. Why he was so upset when Liam and I got together and further when we got married. I think I feel sorry for him, because he really doesn’t seem to know it himself or wants to know it. I guess he wasn’t happy when you told him?”

“Happy no that’s why a shoved me into the tree.”

“Did he hurt you?”

“No I’m fine… wait you said Alfie was jealous? Like for real?”

“Yup. He was smoking like a chimney when he stalked off and not just because he lit one cigarette after the other.”

“You mean cigar?!”

“No cigarettes.”

“Oh he was in a really bad mood. Please excuse me but I think I should go and try to find him.” Ricky smiled and Jo and left her. He found Alfie after all Ricky knew his boyfriend. Alfie was in the cloakroom with the young kitchen maid. He was nailing her as if there was no tomorrow, Ricky didn’t mean to eavesdropping since he had no pleasure in listening to his boyfriend having sex with someone else but they were in a school and a part of him wanted to make sure no student walked into the cloakroom and the other part was actually too hurt to go away. It didn’t take long until the maid ran out of the room on wobbly legs, Ricky saw her sobbing and he knew that in this state Alfie wasn’t gentle with the girl. He had an issue to work through and that was only done by fucking a girl so hard that afterwards she considered the life of a nun. Ricky sighed and went in the cloak room.

“Feeling better?” He asked shy.

Alfie looked up at him. “You don’t understand Lover Boy.”

“That’s right I don’t understand. Why you need to fuck a poor girl so hard that she will stay in bed for at least w eek just because I talked to another man. I talk to them not sleep with them.”

“Shut up!”

“No not this time. I want you to listen to me. I know you understand the word relationship differently, but you are not just a man I sleep with. You are my boyfriend and because of that you are the only one I ever want to be intimate with. There is no one on this earth I ever want to sleep with or be with except of you. Because Alfie I love you. I love you more than anyone I ever can love. And because I love you I know you need your adventures with others than me and that is okay even though each time you do come home and have placed your cock into someone else it breaks my heart because the sex with me is not enough for you, but I smile, kiss you and ask how your day was. And if you don’t know how much I love you than I am really sorry. I will try to show you my love more, because you are my soulmate, the man I will love forever and will always fight to be with. I love you Alfie. I love you more than anything!” Ricky looked cocky and brave at Alfie knowing that he was pushing his luck quiet far to its breaking point and this might be the last time he would be talking with Alfie, but he had to tell him how much he loved him. Ricky just had to.

Silence.
A very long silence.
For the first time in his life Alfie didn’t know what to say. He was literally too shocked to say anything. Never in his entire life had someone said those three words to him, he didn’t even get to hear them from his parents when he was a little boy. And it wasn’t like Alfie had been waiting for those words, quite the opposite in fact; he seemed to be afraid of them- which he only just realized now. He didn’t know how to respond to them, they freaked him out, they really did. Ricky didn’t even say it in a joking manner, which would have made it slightly easier for Alfie, but no, the younger boy was deadly serious. Alfie knew that Ricky had to somehow care for him, otherwise he wouldn’t stick around for so long, and he had really no idea what Ricky saw in him since he knew that he didn’t care about the money, but what Ricky just said…that was so much more than just ‘caring’ for him, and it completely threw him off because he hadn’t expected that at all, not in a million years. Ricky had also said this other word that gave him the creeps. Soul mate…Under other circumstances Alfie would have made fun of it, but right now he wasn’t able to joke.
And now Ricky was waiting for him to say something back, obviously having no idea what kind of effect those words had on Alfie. There was a little worry in Ricky’s eyes because he feared that he had gone a step too far, but he knew he needed to make this step not only for him, but for both of them. This minute of silence felt like an eternity for Ricky and it got worse with every second, and he was just about to break the silence when Alfie finally said something.

“I left some of my golf equipment in the club yesterday.”
Silence. Again.
Ricky just looked at him, hoping he would still say something about what he had just told him.
Alfie cleared his throat. “Anyway, I should get it back now before some greedy person takes it home. I mean, there’s my name on it, but still…” And with that he turned away from Ricky and left him standing in the cloakroom.

Liam found Jo sitting on a chair, talking to two younger students. He kissed her on the cheek and sat down next to her. When the students went off, Jo took his hand and squeezed it gently.
“I think there’s something you need to know…”

“And what’s that?”

“While you were looking for Dick, Ricky and I had a talk and…eh…it looks like Ricky discovered something about Dick that you probably didn’t know so far, and I think neither did Dick…”

“What are you talking about?” Liam seemed confused.

“Please don’t kill me when I’m telling you this, but it looks like…um…Dick never had a girlfriend because he’s-“

“Socially and emotionally retarded? I know.”

“No, Liam.” Jo shook her head. “Well, yeah, that too, but…eh…he likes men.”

Liam fell silent for a moment. “Sorry?”

“Well, he either doesn’t really know it yet or he’s in complete self-denial, but it seems that he’s gay.”

“As in…happy?”

Jo rolled her eyes. “As in homosexual.”

“Come on, Jo, that’s ridiculous! I can tell you for a fact that he isn’t. Of course he isn’t, how would you know? I lived with him, I know better. I ran around half naked all the time and he didn’t even bother looking up.”

“Well, I think because he’s not into you, I think he really sees you as some sort of son, so he wouldn’t really look at you in that way and-“

“Ricky thinks he’s…you know?”

“Yes, but-“

“See, for Ricky every man is…you know…”

Jo sighed. “That’s not true, and you know that. As a matter of fact, you’re the last person who would ever get what’s going on when it comes to these things because you don’t want to know about it.”

Liam crossed his arms. “You’re just jealous.”

“Of what?”

“Of Dick. You never liked that I still go back to my old flat in London when I need a break.”

Jo let out a chuckle. “Come on, Liam, that’s totally ridiculous. I’m not jealous of your friendship with Dick. I’m glad that you two get along so well and that he was there for you when you didn’t have anyone.”

“Then stop saying something that isn’t true.”

She took a deep breath. “I knew exactly that you would react like this. You’re just too stubborn to see the truth.”

Liam didn’t look at her. “Even if he is…” He paused for a moment. “I don’t care, okay? It doesn’t change a thing for me and I don’t want to talk about it right now. Maybe when I’m a little more drunk…”

“That’s okay.” Jo smiled. “And you’re not getting drunk today, my dear.”

“Yeah, I know, too many kids and parents who would probably not appreciate it if I was drunk…By the way, where’s Ricky?”

“I think I saw him go inside looking for Alfie. Liam you won’t hurt him will you?” Jo looked worried at her husband when he gave her a second kiss and got up.

“What? No.” Liam went inside to find Ricky, he wasn’t even sure why.

Ricky was shell-shocked when Alfie just walked away because of his stupid golf clubs. “Yeah sure your golf clubs.” Tears were running down his cheek and he didn’t care who would find him. He collapsed on one of the benches hugging his knees and crying like a girl. He didn’t notice Liam who had found him, the other boy didn’t know what to say he which Jo would be here.

“Hey. You okay?” Yeah stupid question but what else was he supposed to do, hug Ricky?

“I… Liam I told Alfie I love him and he said he has to get his golf clubs… his stupid golf stuff. He didn’t say anything about that he loves me to or you know at least likes me. He just walked away.” Ricky was screeching in a high pitched voice. “Why doesn’t he love me?”

Ricky was standing with his back to Liam looking out of the window into the garden, the students playing games with their parents. Everyone was happy, their laughter were echoing over to the house. “Why does Alfie want me?” He whispered while silent tears were running down his face. “What is the point in love when all it does hurt people?”

“Eh…well…um…” Okay, Liam felt undeniably weird simply because there was a guy crying in front of him, and yes, it wasn’t like he had never seen Ricky cry, but still, that didn’t change the fact that it made him uncomfortable, especially because that boy was not crying about a girl, but about another man. Liam really wanted to say something nice, but he was so bad at that, so he decided to call Jo, but the second he turned away he stopped because he realized something. Jo could sympathize perfectly with Ricky and knew exactly what he felt and what she needed to say to cheer him up. However, she didn’t get Alfie’s point of view- but Liam did. He knew pretty much exactly what was going on in Alfie’s mind right now since the two had many things in common when it came to everything related to feelings, so maybe Liam was a better help after all because he could explain to Ricky what Alfie was thinking, while Jo didn’t know that and could only feel with Ricky. Jo and Ricky were so much alike, it was almost crazy, and Liam knew that he had made Jo feel bad as well because he didn’t always show his feelings and made her feel unloved, so seeing Ricky like this only reminded him of what he had done to Jo so many times before- unintentionally, of course. And he knew perfectly well that hurting Ricky was definitely not Alfie’s intention either, but he couldn’t help it, just like Liam sometimes couldn’t help it to hurt Jo, and he hated himself for that.
Liam took a deep breath. “Do you remember that one time in summer, when you asked me why I don’t tell Jo that I love her? You know, when you came over to Waterfall Downs during the holidays and I was slightly drunk…” And kissed you, but I don’t have to mention that again…

Ricky nodded. “Yes.”

“You asked me why I don’t tell Jo that I love her, and I said-“

“Because you’re scared that you’ll lose her.”

“Exactly. And after all those years I’m still scared, and I still have the hardest time telling her that I love her, I’m not joking. It’s so bloody hard to get those words out, and you know how much I care about her but it’s just so hard…”

“Yes.” Ricky nodded again. “But I don’t think that’s Alfie’s reason, I mean, that he’s losing me…”

“Yeah, I don’t think it is, and honestly, it’s very hard to analyse his thoughts because he’s…well, it’s just hard to understand what he’s thinking, especially what he’s feeling. It’s not like we’re talking about that kind of stuff, which we aren’t, but there are little things that give him away, like the way he looked when you talked to Dick and how pissed he was. Do you think he would get that upset if he wouldn’t care about you? Seriously, man, I’ve never seen him like that.” Liam paused for a moment. He was surprised about himself that he could talk to Ricky about that, and he didn’t even feel that weird anymore. Ricky still looked sad though, and it was very hard not to feel sorry for him looking like that.
“You know that Alfie is anything but the boyfriend type and yet he wanted you to live with him, which is another obvious sign that- even if he doesn’t admit it- he comes closer to the definition of a boyfriend because if you wouldn’t mean anything to him he wouldn’t want you to live with him, right?”

Ricky stared at his hands. “But why couldn’t he say anything to what I had to say to him? Not one word…”

“I know you didn’t mean it in a bad way, but you scared the hell out of him because I don’t think that he’s used to hearing those kind of things, not with that family of his.”

“Yeah, I know, but apart from the fact that I scared him with that, he could have at least said something, even if it was negative, it wouldn’t have mattered, as long as it was something.”

Liam was quiet for a moment. “There are a few guys- and I have to count myself as one of them unfortunately- who don’t express their feelings towards the one person they like the most because they like this person more than anyone.”

“But…that doesn’t make sense.”

“I know it doesn’t, and it’s hard to explain, but you really have to trust me by that. Many guys feel very uncomfortable talking about feelings, but that doesn’t mean that they don’t care for you just because they don’t say it directly”, Liam said. He kind of pretended that he was talking to a girl, that made it less awkward for him. “When Alfie gets home later, don’t expect him to say anything about that, because he won’t. I’m pretty sure he will talk about anything but that, and every time you start this subject again, he will change it immediately or suddenly remember that he had to go somewhere, believe me, I have been there many times- and I’m still doing it. As soon as Jo starts talking about feelings or the baby or those things…I sometimes just want to get away from that, but not because I don’t love her, simply because those subjects make me nervous, and that’s the same for Alfie. Well, actually it’s worse for him because he doesn’t know any of that from home, I had at least a mother who showed affection so I don’t get that nervous anymore when Jo does, but you really threw him off by telling him what you feel, I’m pretty sure you’re the first person who did that, that’s why he reacted the way he did. He doesn’t know how to handle those kind of feelings, so he has to learn it and you have to give him time for that. Jo has been very patient with me, and I really appreciate that.”

Ricky wiped away the remaining tears and looked up to Liam. “You know, you’re actually not that bad in giving advice.” A weak smile appeared on his face.

“Well…” He shrugged his shoulders. “I just know why Alfie acts so weird since I’m not much better, but that means that I also know that he cares…a lot…” He didn’t want to get too much into it, like saying the ‘love’ word because he was still talking with a guy after all, and that was kind of awkward, but Ricky knew what he tried to say. “And he seriously looked at you and Dick as if someone had drawn on his couch with a permanent marker.”

“Oh man…” Ricky chuckled quietly. “He loves that couch.”

“Exactly.” Liam nodded. “And that’s how he looked at you.”
Okay, now he felt officially awkward and he wished he could change the subject and talk about football, cars and hot chicks, just ‘guy talk’, but at least Ricky felt better, smiled and got up.

“Thanks, Liam”, he said. “I would hug you, but I know you don’t like that.”

“Nah, that’s okay, so…”
Before he could finish his sentence, Ricky hugged him tightly and yes, a little bit too long for Liam’s taste, and yes, he felt a bit weird, but this was an exception, so he was okay with it.
“But don’t get used to it”, he added jokingly.

“Don’t worry, I won’t”, Ricky replied friendly.

After Jo went for the millions time to the bathroom she went to look for Ricky and Liam, she had seen stalk off as if someone told him he can never have sex again. Jo knew that she clearly didn’t want to talk to him right now, well she was having a hard time accepting him as her husband’s friend anyway. But it got better as long Liam was around to keep Alfie on a leash when he was talking to her. She hoped Liam was nice to Ricky and that Ricky hadn’t seen Alfie.
It took her some time and one more visit to the bathroom until she found the two men in the cloakroom.

“Do I need to be jealous?” Jo said jokingly. Ricky looked upset but okay and Liam looked a little more cautions as usual when he was alone with Ricky in one room.

“No need your husband was just looking for me.” Jo hugged Liam and was glad when he pulled her close. She might not feel comfortable in sleeping with him but she really needed his closeness, just like a baby animal the heat lamp. Liam kissed Jo on her forehead. “How are you?” Liam didn’t tell her that she looked exhausted. “You should sit down and not walk so much around.”

“I’m okay Liam, tired but that’s all. Liam may I show Ricky?” Jo didn’t need to explain that she meant the baby’s kick, Liam felt it already.

“I think you should really sit down, come on you can sit outside so people can still bug you and not respect that you need to rest.” Liam didn’t want to share his wife or his midget but of course he didn’t tell her that. Ricky shook his head, he guessed it had something to do with the baby and Liam showed on his way on how much he loved her by not wanting to share her, not even with her best friend and the only guy that was not even in the slightest any competition.

“Fine, but only if I can have more cake, fruit salad and cream. The little peanut is hungry.” Jo leaned her head against his shoulder when they walked back outside. She stretched her left hand to take Ricky’s and squeezed it. She wasn’t sure what was going on but she knew Ricky needed some affection. There were out there many parents that wanted to talk to Jo about their children and most of them were impressed how after this short time their children seemed to be so much happier and enjoyed school again.
Late that night Jo was snuggle into her marital bed and looked at Liam. “Hey handsome I think this weekend is a success.”

Liam grinned when he turned off the light and climbed into their bed.

“No you are a success, everyone loved you.” Liam kissed her, and gently pulled her closer to him. Jo kissed him back, she knew what he wanted. Jo bit her lip, she felt heavy and clumsy. She might not want to sleep with Liam but she could still do something for him. While she kissed him her hand roamed down his body into his boxers. It didn’t take long until his arousal kicked in. It was one think of him masturbating alone picturing his wife naked, but his hot wife giving him a hand job was so much better. He had a hard time not to touch her too, but at least Jo didn’t freak out anymore when he did touch her. She just gently pushed his hand to a spot -mostly her hips- that she didn’t mind his hands on. It didn’t take Liam long to reach his climax and man that felt good. He wished for more, Liam wanted right now to really be with his wife and it was insanely hard for him to back off and not rip her pyjama into pieces but he managed to let go of her, mainly because he didn’t want to hurt her and he did get some pleasure from his wife.

“I love you Liam, I love you so insanely much that I don’t know how to show you.” Jo whispered her head resting on his chest. Liam kissed her on the top of her head. “You need to sleep Jo you need your strength.” Liam’s hand was resting on her baby belly making sure the midget let Jo sleep. He planned that later when Jo was asleep to listen some more to the heartbeat of his little midget.


Meanwhile in another lover’s flat in Oxford.

Ricky was home since a few hours and Alfie was nowhere to be seen, the young man was worried that something had happened to him and he was about to call Alfie’s family to find out if they had heard anything –since they would be the one called in the case that Alfie had an accident- when he came home.

“Alfie! Oh my god where have you been? I was worried.” Ricky looked scared and shy at his boyfriend. He wished the Liam would be wrong and Alfie would tell him what he feels, or at least that he cared for him.

“Alfie are you alright? I got some dinner from the barbeque at Waterfall Downs. Did you get your golfing equipment?”

“Ricky. Shut up!” Alfie had been drinking, not that he was drunk but enough to make him be mean. And he was stinking like he had been smoked. He went to the bar to get another whisky. “Give me that dinner you got for me.”

Ricky quickly went in the kitchen and heated up the plate he had for Alfie. When he came back into the living room, Alfie was sitting on the couch, the TV was running with Ricky’s favourite show Mr and Mrs. Ricky put the plate on the table, including a glass of orange juice for Alfie while he had another tea. Ricky sat down careful with a little distance to Alfie on the couch.

“What the bloody hell are you doing over there?” Alfie said without looking at him, he was starring past the TV at the wall. Still pondering over what Ricky had said to him.

“I wanted to give you some space.” Ricky wasn’t sure what to do even when he understood Alfie a little better thanks to Liam.

Alfie was quiet for a moment. He didn't look at Ricky, he kept staring at the wall. Ricky thought he needed some space? Seriously? As if...
“Whatever.” Alfie looked at the food but he was actually not hungry. “Can you get me another drink?” He still avoided any eye contact with Ricky.

"Sure." Ricky got up and took his glass. Of course he knew how Alfie liked his whisky. Neat, no ice half an inch filled. He handed Alfie his glass back. “Are you mad at me?” He whispered not sitting back down, stand kind of next to Alfie.

Alfie took the glass without looking at him. He wasn’t even really aware that he was watching this dumb show that Ricky liked so much, well, not that he really cared what was going on around him at the moment. He suddenly noticed something.
“God dammit!” He got up and for a moment it seemed that Ricky almost flinched, which was really pathetic. “My shoes…” He hadn’t told Ricky of course, but he had actually walked the entire way from Waterfall Downs to the golf club, which was quite a distance, and he was always used to just call his driver, but this time he walked through the entire damn country side of Oxford. He took off his shoes and put the aside, of course not cleaning them himself, and then he noticed that his trousers had some mud stains as well. “Bloody shit.” He walked towards the bedroom. “I have to get changed, I look like a fucking homeless person.”

Ricky looked at Alfie when he walked out of the room. Ricky sighed, he felt so stupid why did he so desperately wanted Alfie to tell him what he thought. He followed Alfie into the bedroom. “Alfie where have you been? You look like you walked through the fields of Oxford. Are you okay? I was really worried about you.” Ricky didn’t want to sounds demanding but he really needed to talk to Alfie about this. “Was there another girl at the golf club?”

“Will you stop asking me questions all the time, I feel like I’m in a freaking court room. Of course I’m okay.” He looked at his dirty trousers. “Fucking nature. I don’t get why people buy dogs and walk with them voluntarily outside.”

Ricky was standing there like a little kid that nobody had picked up from school, and it made Alfie kind of uncomfortable because he knew that Ricky had this look on his face, this ‘puppy is scared of being beaten’-look. “And to your information, there wasn’t any girl at the club, there were only men.” He walked out of the room without having gotten changed, so he was still wearing his dirty clothes but he didn’t even really realize that. He opened a window and lit another cigarette. “Did you do something with the bookshelf? It looks like someone has rearranged something in this room.”

“Oh, it been some time that you slept with another men.”

Ricky knew right away that Alfie wasn’t alright he was smoking cigarettes and not his usual cigars.

“No one rearranged anything in here. At least not that I am aware maybe the maid misplaced something.”

Ricky looked one more time at Alfie he opened his mouth to say something but then he just dropped it and sat back down at the couch and watched TV and actually ignored Alfie.
Nobody said a word for at least ten minutes. Alfie just finished his second cigarette in a row and threw it out of the window. Ricky had no idea what an effect his words earlier today had on him. He had expected pretty much everything- except that. So he was not at all prepared for…that. He couldn’t remember the last time something had thrown him off like that. Actually, there had never been anything throwing him off like that. All he wanted to do was to cope with this whole situation, but it obviously didn’t work at all, which frustrated him only more, and the fact that Ricky was all offended and hurt didn’t make it any better. But he seriously didn’t know what to say. Well, he did know what to say about this…but he couldn’t. There was no way he could say what was actually going on in his mind. He hoped Ricky would get it somehow so that he wouldn’t have to say anything, but apparently Ricky didn’t let him off that easily this time.

“I didn’t fuck any man”, Alfie mumbled after ten minutes of silence. “There were only those 80-year old guys who talk about nothing but hip implants and heart attacks.”

That wasn’t really true. Yes, there were a few of those old men, but there had also been a couple of younger men Alfie knew well, but there was one thing he hadn’t told Ricky- and actually hadn’t really admitted to himself. He kind of felt bad when he slept with other men nowadays, he actually felt something like guilt, which he didn’t feel when he slept with girls. He most certainly didn’t tell Ricky about it… although, maybe it wasn’t a bad idea. No. Better not.
Alfie took a deep breath. He knew that he had to say something a bit…nicer to Ricky.

“You…ehm…are you cold in here? I can close the window.”

Ricky didn't look up."No I'm fine."

Ricky was shivering but he didn't care that the window was open it was more the fact that his boyfriend was sitting on the end of the couch.

"You think I can come closer?"

"I don’t know, man, I need my space…”, Alfie replied sarcastically, but he noticed that this was no time to be sarcastic right now. “Sure. If you want to give me a blow job.” Okay, this was really not a good time to be sarcastic. He cleared his throat. “Yeah, sure.”

Ricky went pale when Alfie said he needed his space. But then moved a little closer like a shy school boy to Alfie, but he was still not just touching, even though he really wished Alfie would at least give him a small hug. He didn't even dare to ask to be lying in his arms while watching TV.

"I'll pass on the blowjob, you know I prefer to have you when your cock wasn't in others holes."

“That’s very nicely put.” Alfie couldn’t avoid a smile. “No wonder you were one of my best students in literature class.” He was quiet for a moment and focused on the TV where that weird show ‘Mr and Mrs’ was still running. “There are two reasons why the men are always bad in this show.”

Ricky seemed a bit confused, but Alfie continued. “One reason; they can’t stand that annoying chatting of their wives so they don’t listen to them, just like I do when my mother keeps talking with me about marriage. The second reason is that some men do know so much about their wives that they wouldn’t admit it, because it only proves that they do in fact pay attention to them. It’s all about pretending. It has always been.”

Ricky didn’t respond, he just watched him quietly, which made Alfie always kind of nervous when he did that because that meant that Ricky could actually see through him.

“Anyway…” He cleared his throat and moved his arm closer to Ricky so that it touched his shoulder.

“You didn’t tell me you liked old guys. You seemed to be quite fond of that Dick guy… Not that I care, I just didn’t know you liked old men.”

"I don't like old man, well I like you." Ricky smiled shy when he leaned his head against Alfie's shoulder.

"Sometimes the husband should show the wives that he knows her, because it feels nice to know someone cares for you. I am not interested or fond in Dick. Unless we are talking about your dick and not the grumpy guy Dick. And I'm sorry that I make you uncomfortable with what I said but I really meant it."

Alfie didn’t reply anything at first because this conversation was going into the direction that he dreaded so much, but he also knew that he couldn’t avoid it until forever, not with someone like Ricky who obviously liked to talk about his feelings, a lot, all the time.

“Good”, he finally said. “You two don’t make a nice-looking couple anyway.” He was aware that there was a tiny bit of jealousy coming up again, but this time he was kind of okay with it, after all, Ricky was with him now and not some old guy. He took a deep breath. “And…um…you don’t need to apologise for…eh…you know…” He paused for a moment. “Well, except for the fact that I have mud all over me because of you.”

"I didn't force you to stalk through the fields." Ricky giggled. "Just like Lizzie did." Ricky lifted his head and kissed Alfie. "There is no one else on this world I would ever want to be with then you, ever!" Ricky put his head back and giggled when the couple in the TV started fighting because the guy didn't know a thing about his wife.

The next couple of days went by really fast. Liam was very busy teaching the classes but he liked it a lot. In the evening he and Jo usually snuggled up on the couch and watched TV, his hand constantly resting on little midget. As soon as he put his hand away midget started kicking like crazy, sometimes so hard that Liam worried Jo would get sick since it probably didn’t feel nice when someone kicked your stomach from the inside, but as soon as he put his hand back on the stomach the kicking stopped, and when he talked to the baby he could feel its hand. Liam didn’t tell anyone, but this was one of the nicest feelings he knew, and as much as he fought against it in the first couple of months, he just couldn’t stop those feelings he had for this little person he was going to meet in less than two months. He also knew that in less than two months he had to watch the love of his life falling in love with someone else and he knew it would be hard for him, and yet he still looked forward to his daughter or his son, I really wanted to meet this kid.
The evening before his birthday Jo and Liam sat on the couch again, watching a movie. It had been a long and bust day, and both were exhausted so they were glad that the day was finally over and they could rest. Liam had made sure that Jo didn’t run around too much, but even though she listened to him and didn’t walk a lot, she was still exhausted from just that little moving she had done today, which really wasn’t a lot but plenty enough for a very pregnant woman.
They watched cartoons and Liam was glad that soon he would have a wonderful excuse to watch even more cartoons, after all, they would have a child in the house, so there it was, the perfect excuse to watch cartoons and Disney movies and nobody could judge him for that.
Liam’s hand wandered back to Jo’s stomach while she rested her head on his shoulder. This was nice, as always, but then he started feeling it again, this urge of touching his wife, and not just her stomach. When she told him a couple of months ago that she didn’t want to sleep with him until the baby was born he was shocked at first, but he thought that he could manage it somehow. He also expected it to be hard, but he hadn’t expected it to be that hard. He tried to get distracted and focus on something else, but everytime Jo was so close to him like right now, snuggled up to him, he could think of nothing but wanting to sleep with her. His birthday was tomorrow, and he remembered his very special birthday present he got from Lorelai when he turned 18, and just one year later he got another special present from Jo, and ever since they had been together Jo had been especially hot on his birthday, but this year…This year she was still hot, but that was it. No touching, no lingerie, no very intimate time together. He couldn’t deny it, it was damn hard, and the harder he tried not to think of it the worse it got. But there was another priority now. Yes, it would be nice to have Jo on his birthday again like in the years before, but there was something he cared more about, and that was her heath and the baby’s health. He wanted nothing more than both of them being happy and healthy. He sighed quietly, and Jo looked up.
“Are you okay?”, she asked.

He nodded and planted a kiss on her head. “Yes, I am. Are you okay?”

“Yeah, just sleepy.”

Liam’s hand wandered over her stomach and he felt midget’s hand. “Please be healthy”, he whispered.

Jo looked up she never had heard him say this, except this one time she made him tell her how he felt.

“She is fine. Remember what the doctor said by the last check-up? Everything is going normally.” Jo whispered back.

Liam just nodded, and Jo knew that he also was remembering most of his birthdays he had since they were together. “Liam I’m so sorry that this year I’m not sleeping with you in a very dirty way. I thought about getting you a prostitute…”

“No don’t!” Liam looked weird at her. “I mean… um I really don’t want to sleep with a prostitute.”

“I wouldn’t mind Liam, really.” Jo lied.

“Yeah you would and that is not the point. I told you I don’t want anything special this year for my birthday.” Liam smiled and kissed his wife.

“Oh I won’t tell you what I plan.” Jo giggled. “Ow, peanut stop kicking so hard.” Jo placed both hands on her side where he baby kicked her in her kidneys.
Liam moved a little away to have more space. He pulled up Jo’s shirt and placed a kiss on Jo’s side of her Belly. “Hey midget don’t hurt your mommy, she loves you so much so please don’t kick her.”
Liam started humming that quickly turned into him singing to Jo’s belly. Jo giggled when she felt the little peanut calm down. It nearly was like the little girl had just waited that daddy sung her to sleep.

“She really likes it to hear your voice.” Jo smiled and kissed her husband. Liam pulled first her shirt back down and then the blanket further up.

“Liam, I’ve got a surprise for you.”

He looked at Jo surprised and then worried when he saw how nervous she was. “Really what is it?”

“I know there are still a few hours to go until your birthday but I thought you like to get the surprise before your birthday that tomorrow you carry it with you around.” Jo said mysteriously.

“Jo?” But Liam couldn’t ask more, because his wife got up and disappeared. Now it was his turn to be nervous. He had no idea what his wife had in mind and he knew that sometimes her mind was working in weird ways, especially during the pregnancy. He actually wouldn’t be surprised if she baked him a peanut butter cake. Liam shook himself in dislike, he really didn’t like peanut butter at all anymore.
Jo came back just dressed in sexy lingerie.

“Holy Saint Patrick, Jo?” Liam was so shocked and so turned on that he had couldn’t move.

“Well that is as much as I can give you. You… um you can touch me well a little bit but all this is more for you to look at while I do this.” Jo kneeled down in front of the still very shocked Liam and unzipped his trousers. She giggled he had so no clue what she had planned for him that it was easier than she thought to get him naked. And for the next hour he got plenty of pleasure from his wife’s gentle but firm gripping hands and he wasn’t sure when but Jo was a lot better in her blowjobs then she had been in the last she had given him. She even seemed to be less disgusted by the whole process maybe this pregnancy and not sleeping with him had a good outcome. And those bigger boobs were sure as their going to hell -for everything they did sex related- something he really, really liked.
Afterwards, when Jo had changed into her pyjamas and Liam was still happily exhausted and naked on the couch she curled up into his chest. “Happy early birthday handsome.”

Okay, this birthday had turned out differently than he thought. Yes, they might not have slept together, but Jo had worn very, very, very nice lingerie (score!) and he had gotten a great deal of pleasure (double score!), so his birthday has started out better than he thought, he just hoped she wouldn’t come up with the idea to bake a peanut butter cake after all. He wondered if the baby had already developed a peanut butter allergy, that wouldn’t surprise him at all.
He was lying on the couch, not really able to get dressed because he was pretty exhausted, but it was the nice kind of exhaustion. When Jo snuggled up close to him, he put his arms around her and breathed in her nice smell.
“Was I okay?”, she asked shyly, almost worried. “I know I can’t satisfy you enough and-“

“No, no.” He shook his head and sat up. “You satisfied me enough, don’t worry about it.” He smiled at her and squeezed her hand gently. “I just wanted to say…eh…” He paused for a moment. “I really appreciate what you did for me, it’s a great birthday present.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, really.”

“Oh…there she goes again…” Jo put her hand on her stomach when she felt the little one kicking, and the same moment Liam put his hand around her stomach as well and started humming, and little midget relaxed.

“Jo?”

“Hm?”

“You’re lovely.”

Jo’s smile was just as huge as Liam, only that hers was because Liam had told her that he loved her while Liam’s well had a more physical reason. Jo was humming and singing a song she had heard that morning and just couldn’t stop. His birthday was a rather small thing the biggest moment that happened would be the movie night later with all students and teachers and the next morning the classes would not begin before 11 so that everyone could sleep in.

Meanwhile on the other side of Oxford

Alfie hated it, every second Friday in the month his parents well more his mother expected him to come for lunch. It was the worst time of the month. Alfie didn't bother to knock at door of his mother's salon, in this house everyone pretty much just walked into rooms except the servants.

"Mother! Here I am. You better have something good for lunch not like last month, this cabbage soup was disgusting! I felt like I went to the poor house not the Jackson villa!"

Alfie sat down on the chair at the small table without another greeting. He lit his cigar and looked bored at his mother.

Lady Charlotte Jackson didn’t show any sign of emotion when her son burst in like that, she was more or less used to it from both of her children. Her face was like stone, as always, which was one of the reasons she was called the ‘Ice Queen’ among Oxford’s upper class.

“I have an important issue to discuss, Alfred. Every time I start talking about it you ignore me but that has to stop. As you know your sister is engaged…” She ignored her son’s annoyed mumbling. “Finally. After all, she is already 28 and people started talking… Now, I didn’t want you to come here to talk about Cecilia.” She paused for a moment. “You haven’t brought any young lady home, not one, and that worries me. Is there any specific reason?”

"Jesus mother! Yes the reason is I don't just want to sleep with one woman for the rest of my life. She will get old and be ugly. I will not be seen with an old ugly spinster. I rather have every girl I see whenever I want her."

“I see.” Lady Charlotte cleared her throat. “Just like your father”, she said coldly. “Well, I cannot under any circumstances allow you to continue like that for the rest of your life, after all, we all have a reputation to maintain, and if one of us makes a mess, the whole family will be included.” She scrutinized her son quietly for a moment. “People talk, Alfred, and everybody watches everyone here, but especially our family is being watched, and the fact that my 25-year old son is not even close to be engaged raises many questions, and I do not like questions, not at all. What I also don’t like is the fact that there is only a handful of eligible young women who are worthy enough to marry into this family, but most of them are already engaged or married because you did not make any effort so far, and now it is too late and the only chance that remains is for you to get married to their younger sisters who are obviously many years younger than you, but it is not my fault that the only appropriate ladies are all marred now.” She pursed her lips. “I hope you don’t have an issue with marrying a 17-year old girl…”

"I certainly don't mind taking their virginity, but I am not marrying any girl."

Alfie looked annoyed at his mother.

"And I don't give a damn if the people talk. I like my life very much the way it is. I can screw every girl I want. Bloody hell I live a life like King Henry except that no one cares what I do. Just tell whoever needs to hear it that I got lost somewhere in Africa that I can go on with my life and not have to do this stupid society act for you. It is tiring. I mean look at you, you look like an old dried raisin and you were once a rather pretty young fresh seventeen year old girl."

Alfie took out his flask and added a rather large bit of whisky to his tea.
Lady Charlotte didn’t react immediately. She was used to the way Alfred talked to her, she knew she should have been harder on him when he was younger, he definitely had needed more spanking when he was a little boy, but now it was too late anyway.
“You don’t get away that easily, young man. I will neither tell people that you got lost somewhere, nor will I let you behave like a man from the lower class, sleeping with women without having the intention to marry them.” She shook her head. “Sooner or later you will get someone pregnant, and then we have an illegitimate child in this family. We do need an heir to the family, but most certainly not one of those children. This family is a firm, Alfred, and we are all part of it and cannot back out. When you’re born into this family, your job for the rest of your life is to be part of the firm, to take certain responsibilities and fulfil particular duties, and marriage and producing heirs is a very significant part. God knows I’ve never been the motherly type, but it was my job to give at least one heir to the family, it did not matter if I liked children or not.” She crossed her arms. “You have to fulfil this expectation, and you know that. It is your job.”

"No mother my job is to look good and make the most of my life. I never would have applied for a boring job like this. You have Cecilia she will make you some heir, well if her new husband manages to spread her legs. She is one hell of a spinster. I'm surprised she does get married at all."

Alfie emptied his flask in his tea cup. "Mother if you excited yourself that much you will get a nose bleed again. So just let me be I don't need a bloody house wife. I am busy enough education Rick, and playing golf and enlarging my cigar and whisky collection. A wife would just want me to do things. I will not marry!"

Alfie waved his mother maid closer. "Go be a good girl and bring me a good single malt, neat no ice! And hurry up!"

The maid looked scared at her mistress to get her approval after all the served drink was whitewine to the fish and later on another tea.

"Move it!" Alfie yelled at her. "Gosh mother your maids are good for nothing but to nail them hard in the pantry."

“I don’t know what happened to you when you were a child, if I didn’t know it any better I would think you spent all your time with poor people.” She watched the maid hurrying outside. It wasn’t that she was nicer to the maids- which she wasn’t, of course- but it was the way her son talked about women that she didn’t like because she knew that all those ladies who wanted their daughters married to her son would no longer be willing to encourage that marriage if they heard Alfred talking. It happened many times before already. When he was 15, Lady Charlotte had invited a few ladies over for tea, one of them Lady Elizabeth Williams, who came from one of the few families that Lady Charlotte accepted, and Lady Elizabeth happened to have a daughter a couple of years younger than Alfred, so she already thought of her as an option, but then Alfred made a few very inappropriate comments in front of the guests, and Lady Elizabeth didn’t seem particularly happy about it, so there went one of the few options for a daughter-in-law.

“I have the feeling that your sister will only produce female heirs, which would be bad, we do not need so many girls in this family.” Lady Charlotte was quiet for a moment when the maid came back and handed Alfred his drink.

“Anything else I can bring?” the young girl asked shyly.

“Bring me an aspirin and a glass of water, half filled.”

The maid quickly walked out again and Lady Charlotte turned back to her son. “You children always give me a headache, you especially”, she mumbled. “By the way, what happened to that Williams girl? The daughter of Lady Elizabeth? Didn’t she get married?” She sighed. “All the girls you should have married are taken now.”

"It is always a pleasure to be with you mother." Alfie said sarcastic.

"Yeah she got married nearly a year ago. But you didn't want to go to the wedding since she married a Irish country boy with no money or a name, well that was back then now he is officially accepted as Graham Hart's son and Lord of Waterfall Downs and Josephine's bed. He managed to knock her up on their honeymoon. You should see her fat like a whale. And just so you know it was not just me that ruined this match. Her mother always wanted her to marry Victor Grey. Who well managed to drive his family into bankruptcy and now had a marry the girl he knocked up and guess what they have the most ugliest daughter I have ever seen."

Alfie laughed by the memory of Victor's daughter well and his wife she has gotten fat herself, but he had to admit even though Jo was fat she didn't turn her entire body into a yeast dough. "His wife looks a lot like a pancake."

“Objectifying women is definitely something you have from your father, and you don’t need to be proud of it. At least the Williams girl and Victor’s wife are pregnant, so both their husbands did their job, unlike you.” Lady Charlotte grabbed the glass of water and swallowed the aspirin. “Anyway, as I pointed out, there are not many women left who are good enough for this family, but you are lucky because there is always something particularly special waiting if you’re a member of this family.” She paused for a moment and noticed that her son looked suspiciously at her. “As you know, your father works very close with the Windsor’s due to his position in the parliament, and he had often been invited to dinner with them.”

Her son looked increasingly sceptical at her, but she ignored it.

“Well, Queen Elizabeth’s daughter Anne is 20 years old and it happens that she is neither married nor engaged to be married yet. However, there are many young men just waiting for the opportunity, so we have to be quick, but it won’t be a problem for us anyway.” She raised an eyebrow. “It would be perfect because you wouldn’t have to marry a girl that is below you. So, your grandmother, who also knows the Windsor’s well, will arrange a meeting so that you can get to meet the princess.”

"You are bloody kidding me? No way in hell will I marry into the Queen's family. That would mean I have to push a stick up my ass or rather you do it since you plan on arranging this meeting. I will not go and meet her! Ever! She has nothing I want. If you dare to let Grandmother arrange this meeting I will never speak to you again and further I will cause the biggest scandal you can imagine!" Alfie was so angry that he had jumped up his chair that flew far through the room.

Lady Charlotte was as cold and unemotional as ever. “I am still your mother, and you might not listen to what I say and you might not show me any respect, but when I’m done talking to your father you cannot do anything because we are still your parents, and we have to keep this firm going and we most certainly do not tolerate anything that rebels against our policies.” She didn’t even blink. “Now even if you do not marry Princess Anne, I swear to you, you will not get away with being unmarried for the rest of your life. If you aren’t married by the time you’re 30, I will personally arrange the marriage, and if you try to get out of this marriage, your father will cut off your money supply, are we clear? You will do your job, Alfred, just as everyone in this family has done for centuries, do you understand?”

"Oh I understand you very much." Alfie said just as coldly, he didn't tell his mother that as the Jackson heir he knew exactly his place and he knew that his father doesn't care if he got married or not, for a matter of fact there were moments that his father wished he would have never got married.

"But don't expect any heir from this arranged marriage because before I will say I do I will become a monk! Or a catholic priest."

“Don’t you dare joking about this. A Catholic…” She sounded disgusted. “You really want to make me suffer from a heart attack, don’t you?” She took a deep breath. “You may go, Alfred, I need to lie down.” She got up, but before she left the room she turned to him again. “Your grandmother expects you for tea on Sunday, and no excuses this time for not coming. You missed the last two times and she got very upset, and you know how dreadfully annoying she gets when she is upset.” She looked up at her son. “Of course she will talk about marriage with you and you know that you can’t talk to her like you talked to me. I just want to remind you of that…”

Alfie got up without saying another word. He would find a way not to see his grandmother, a woman that was simply dreadful and not just in an annoying way. On his way out of a house he never liked he thought that he knew exactly what his mother needed as a Christmas present. "A vibrator she really needs a few orgasms to relax." He until he had reached his car he had smoked four cigarettes and until he was home it would have turned at least into one entire package. He would call Liam to make sure he got a dinner invitation to Waterfall Downs on Sunday, his grandmother would never make him decline an invitation from the William's.
Alfie went to the typical prostitute. “The usual girl the usual way!” He explained just before he went on shagging one of the new girls roughly without caring if she liked it or not.

Not long after that he came home. “Hey Ricky, where are you?”

Ricky came from his office worried at to the entrance.

“Are you okay?” The young boy asked.

“Do I bloody look okay? Come over here I need you to suck my cock!” Alfie went into the living room and had his trouser already off when he sat down on the couch waiting for his boyfriend to give him a blowjob, while he continued smoking like a chimney. Ricky knew that when Alfie was in that mood he was not nicely asking for things, but it was Alfie’s way of saying I had a really bad day and now I need some love. So Ricky did what he was asked to do.

It was already April, so a month away before Jo and Liam would become parents, and Liam wasn’t sure if he only imagined it but it seemed as if Jo’s belly grew bigger by the day, it was almost scary. She was way too tiny to carry all of that, and she could feel the baby stretching really much at the moment since this was the time where it grew the fastest. He felt helpless, seeing her in pain while he couldn’t do anything. He couldn’t imagine how it felt like to have a human being inside of him that grew bigger and bigger, that was seriously some scary stuff. Scary was also that he hadn’t slept with his wife for over four months and that seriously hurt as well, it was hard to explain, but every time he saw her and wanted her so badly it felt like someone was kicking him right below the belt. It was really hard to deal with it, but he kept telling himself that it would be all over in less than a month and he would have his wife back.
It was a quite warm day when Jo and Liam met Ricky for lunch in town. Liam wouldn’t have minded if he stayed at home since the topics Jo and Ricky usually discussed were something he was not entirely interested in, but Jo wanted him to come, and he had a hard time saying no to his pregnant wife, so he joined them.
Of course Jo and Ricky started talking about some stuff Liam had no idea about, but the entire time he had his hand on her stomach, which made her smile. She turned her head to him and kissed him.

“You two are insanely cute together”, Ricky said.

“Thanks”, Jo said shyly, but Liam didn’t mention how much it killed him when she kissed him and he couldn’t have her, well, not like he used to. Everytime she kissed him he was only reminded what he had before midget came along.
“How are things with Alfie?”, she asked. Of course she had no problems talking about those things and neither did Ricky, but Liam felt kind of awkward.

“Well…good, if it wasn’t for his family.”

“What about them?”

“Both his grandmother and mother are very keen on getting him a wife.”

“But they can’t make him, can they? I mean, my mother could have forced me to get married to someone I don’t like simply because I’m a girl and I’m not allowed to say much against it, but as a boy…”

Ricky shook his head. “It’s not that easy, especially not in a family like Alfie’s. You know, if you’re a part of a family where the public eye constantly lies on you, there are certain things that you have to do, and marriage is a part of it.”
As Jo and Ricky continued talking, Liam got up since he had to go to the toilet.
“I’ll be right back”, he mumbled and disappeared. Truth was, while he had his hand on her stomach, he suddenly felt this urge to touch her again, and he had to get up otherwise it would have gotten worse. The bathroom was empty, but not for that long because Ricky entered it soon after Liam walked in. Liam immediately got nervous since Ricky had never seen…well…this certain part of his body. Well, he had seen him in Jo’s panties that one time when Liam actually grabbed her underwear instead of his, but never with less clothes than that.

“Don’t worry”, Ricky said, knowing Liam well enough to know what was going on in his mind. “I’m not going to check you out or anything.”

“I’m not worried”, Liam said, totally not convincing at all.

“Liam?”

“Hm?”

“Is something wrong with you?”

“What do you mean?” He quickly zipped his trousers, still not completely looking at Ricky.

“You seem kind of…tense. Not just today, for a while now actually.”

Liam was quiet for a moment and was about to say that he was fine, when he decided against it because he was tired of pretending that everything was perfect.
“Yes, you’re right, I’m tense. I don’t want to sound like a total jerk but I’m tired of not being able to have any intimate time with my wife. Well, we do stuff like…you know…stuff, but we didn’t sleep together since December and I’m…ehm…it’s hard, you know? It’s freaking, bloody hard, and to be honest, most of the time my…manly parts feel like they are about to fall off.”
Okay, that was probably too much information, but Liam was tired of not saying how he felt, so he might just go ahead and throw everything at Ricky.
The other boy was quiet for a moment, but he didn’t seem to be freaked out or anything, he actually seemed quite understanding.

“Ehm… I also get Jo’s point, I mean, why she feels uncomfortable sleeping with you at the moment, but you know that it will be over soon and I’m sure she will come to you as soon as she feels ready for it.”

“I know…” Liam nodded. “But it’s still hard.”

Ricky felt really sorry for him. “Well, if you want to…ehm…do you want me to give you a blow job?” He didn’t mean to throw himself at him, he just wanted to help him out.

Liam was quiet, less for the fact that Ricky just offered him a rather unexpected offer, but more for the fact that Liam actually considered it. For like a second. He seriously considered unzipping his trousers again and…oh man, dude, wake up! He freaking was desperate!
Liam shook his head. “I…eh…thanks man, but I think I’ll pass.”

“No problem, I was pretty sure you would.”

Liam sure as hell knew that he should never let his wife know what he had just considered. Yes, it was just for a second, but still…Oh man, he couldn’t believe it himself.

Jo was sipping at her tea, she felt her little peanut move again and then this sudden pain.

“Oh god that hurts…” She felt this pulling from her belly to her back and it hurt like hell. She knew that it was a practice contraction but it scared the hell out of her. More because Liam was not here, than anything else.

“Liam…?” Jo whispered. Hoping he would be back soon.

“Jo!” It was Ricky who saw her first, he gently touched her arm to sit her up and see if she was conscious but Jo pushed him away. She didn’t want anyone to touch her but Liam. Liam sat down next to her on the couch and she leaned against his shoulder. Liam had so no idea what to do to help her. He was gently rubbing her back until she calmed down.

“Are you okay?” He whispered, still holding her, he didn’t care that Ricky was watching them.

“I want to go home, please.” Jo whimpered.

“Yeah, come on let’s go.” That’s when Liam remembered Ricky.

“Oh don’t worry about me I have a ton of essays to correct.” Ricky smiled and paid the bill.

Jo hated it when Liam was driving so it was Charles who had driven them into town and now back home to Waterfall Downs. Liam help Jo up all the way to their flat where she lie down on the couch, she didn’t like lying in the bed when she rested. Liam had made her another cup of tea and placed light blanket over her.

“Are you feeling better?” Liam whispered.

“A little bit. Liam do you think I am fat?” Jo looked miserable at Liam.

“No way. You are just fluffy like a sheep.” Liam smiled.

Jo smiled. “Okay.”

Liam smiled back at her.

“I’m so sorry Liam.”

“Sorry for what?” Liam looked surprised at Jo.

“I really miss having sex with you. It just hurts me when we do it.” Jo whispered.

“I know.” Liam kissed Jo again.

“Here.” Jo handed Liam a piece of paper.

“What is this?” Liam read it, it was an address in town.

“It’s the house Alfie goes to when he has needs, Ricky gave me the address I think you should go to it. I know you want to have sex and I can’t just yet. I’ll promise I won’t be mad when you go. I want you to be happy and I know to this happiness belongs an active sex life.” Jo whispered. She might not really like the idea but she knew Liam needed the distraction, just like she needed to start thinking about the nursery. Lorelai was bugging her since weeks now but Jo was scared if she did start the nursery something bad would happen to her little peanut.

Liam looked quietly at the piece of paper, then his wife. It was probably killing Jo to make him that offer, and yet she did it, just so he could be happy. He appreciated that Jo wanted to do this sacrifice for him, but he knew it would be wrong if he would give in to that offer. Yes, for a moment there was this urge again and a little voice in his head told him that it would technically not be cheating since Jo actually allowed him to see a prostitute and he sure as hell wouldn’t have any feelings for that woman, so yeah, it really wouldn’t be cheatings but he just couldn’t. He knew that it would hurt her, although she gave him the permission to, it would still hurt her while he was off spending time with some strange woman. He needed a lot of nerves to take that offer and leave his pregnant wife at home alone, hurt and sad because he wasn’t with her but with someone else.
“Thanks”, he said quietly and put the address aside. He was quiet after that, which made Jo nervous because she was sure that he had decided to accept her offer.

She bit her lip and nodded. “You’re welcome.”

“I know I mentioned once to you that I wished we wouldn’t have met that early so that I could have had more experience with girls instead of being with one and the same person for the rest of my life.” He stared at his hands. “And sometimes I’ve got those moments when I wonder how it would have been like, you know, if I had met you later in life…” He paused for a moment. “And then again I realize how sad those years without you would have been. In those years without you I would be jerk who is interested in girls not for their personalities but for their bodies and I wouldn’t know what it means to sleep with someone I really care about.” Liam finally looked at her. “Yeah, sure, many men are rather about quantity than quality when it comes to women, and I used to be like that too when I was younger because I thought it is about how many girls you sleep with, not what kind of girls but luckily that has changed.” His hand wandered to Jo’s stomach and stayed there. “I don’t want to sleep with someone else. Yes, I admit, I’m craving your body like crazy, but like I said, your body, not the body of some prostitute. I mean, you’re not pregnant for much longer, so I might as well wait those few weeks…” He smiled at her.

“But it’s really okay if you-“

He shook his head. “I know, but it would be wrong if I went to one of those women. It’s just…it wouldn’t be fair to you and…” His eyes wandered to her belly. “I don’t think midget would be proud of its father if it knew I slept with someone else besides mommy.”

Jo smiled shyly. “I don’t think I would tell her that. Besides, she would understand.”

“That her father is a jerk? I don’t think so. The kid probably wishes to have another father anyway, I’m really not the best choice.”

“You are the best choice.”

Liam shook his head slightly. “You’ll see…” He couldn’t tell her how much he worried that midget would hate him for being such a lousy father. His child would probably prefer every guy in Oxford over him, hell, it would probably prefer Alfie as dad over him.
Liam sighed and planted a kiss on Jo’s head. “I’ll wait for you.” He could feel the baby’s hand again. “You know what I realized? The baby comes next month and we haven’t prepared any room yet. I mean, where is it going to sleep?”

Jo was glad that Liam wouldn’t sleep with a prostitute but that also meant she felt a little pressured to heal quickly and be soon after the birth to be ready to satisfy Liam’s needs. But for now she pushed those thoughts aside. Jo was surprised that he thought about the nursery, normally it was the mother-to-be that thought about the nursery the moment she found out that she was pregnant, but Jo was actually terrified. They have the rooms set for the baby. The baby would have two rooms connected by double sliding doors, that way later when their daughter was old enough she could have one play room and one bedroom. But so far the rooms where bare. Beautiful light wooden floors and white walls and windows all the way down the walls, it were doors to two small balconies.

“Liam I can’t…”

Liam looked surprised at her. He took her hand and led her to the couch. He was always worried she was standing or walking too much.

“Why not?” He pulled her close and she leaned her head against his shoulder.

“Because… it was the first thing my mother did. She arranged the nursery. And then threw everything away. I know you think this is silly but I am scared when we arrange the nursery something will happen to the little peanut.” Jo whispered. She knew she should have told Liam a lot more what she felt and thought but she didn’t want to worry Liam. She knew he was already worried, mainly that their little peanut didn’t love him. But right now there was not the time to make him believe how wrong he was.

“Lorelai promised me, that she would arrange the nursery when I am at the hospital. I told her how I would like it to look and she is really good in this.” Jo was crying, the thought of the birth scared her.

“Hey Liam I have a question when I’m in labour will you be in the delivery room, like the modern daddy’s or will you be old fashioned and wait in the waiting room all nervous and excited?”

Oh Jesus. He hadn’t really thought about that. Well, he kind of knew that he would totally die watching her giving birth, just the thought of it made him sick. It was just something men weren’t supposed to watch, it had always been that way, even though more and more men nowadays decided to go into the delivery room. It was not only the fact that the whole thing was sort of…yeah…disgusting…which it was, even if everyone said it was the most special experience ever, but come on, it was kind of gross. Apart from that, it was more the fact that Jo would be in pain and he would just stand there and couldn’t do anything that freaked him out. What if something would happen to her? Oh man, he didn’t want to think about that. But he knew one thing; if something would happen to Jo, or if she would sacrifice her life to let the baby live, he would never be able to look at that child, not to mention loving it. Not after it had taken away the most important person in his life…

“Liam?” Jo couldn’t read his exact thoughts, but she knew that something bothered him. “I…I mean, you don’t have to if you don’t want to, I understand.” She sounded a bit sad.

“Hm? What?”

“If you want to stay outside and wait.”

“Oh..eh…” He paused for a moment. “I don’t know about that yet. I mean, on the one side I want to be there but on the other side it’s kind of…um…freaky, you know? I really don’t know yet what I’m going to do.”

“That’s okay”, she said quietly.

He played a bit with her hair. “You should stop worrying.”

“About what?”

“About the miscarriages your mother had. You’re not her, and just because you’re her daughter doesn’t mean that it will happen to you as well.” Of course he was worried as well, not really because he thought there was the possibility of Jo having a miscarriage, he worried more that something would happen to Jo, or the baby, maybe not at birth but sometime later. For years now he had been struggling with that fear of loss and he couldn’t get rid of it but he didn’t want Jo to worry about those things as well. He wanted her to look forward to her little peanut and not be scared that she might lose it.
“It will be okay”, he said. “You’re not your mother.”

“But…well…what if…what…” Jo sighed. “I’m sorry I can’t stop worrying.”

“That’s okay.” Liam planted a kiss on her head. “I noticed your mother hadn’t been around for a long time. Is it because of me and the fact that she can’t see you being knocked up by the devil’s son or whatever she calls me?”, he asked teasingly.

“Yeah she is really upset, she doesn’t like me being pregnant with your child.” Jo liked being so close to him. For a moment she closed her eyes and remembered a night she had spend with her husband a lot less dressed. Oh she craved so much to be with her husband, more than she dared to say.

“That reminds me, father asked me to tell you he would like to spend a day with you.”

Jo looked up. “No worries you dad will be there too. I think father said he would like to have gentleman’s day at the club. I believe he sent you an outfit no worries it is not as hay looking as you think. And mother will not join you it will be just you men. While I sit here at home and read, or well sleep. Do you want me to give you another blowjob before I go to bed?” Jo whispered.

For a moment Liam wasn’t sure if she was joking about him going to join her father and his father at the club- a proper outfit all included.
“Oh man, you know that I will be uncomfortable…”

“When I give you a blowjob?”

“No! I meant going with them to the club. This is where the richest people hang out, and in those places you can be a hundred percent sure that I will screw something up.”

Jo smiled. “You will do fine, and even if something would happen, neither my father nor yours will judge you.”

Liam sighed. “Yeah, I guess…” He leaned closer and smiled. “You mentioned something about a blowjob?”

~~~
A few days later Graham picked him up to meet Colin at the club. Liam never liked wearing those fancy clothes but he knew he wasn’t allowed to go to the club in his cartoon jumpers, although it was very tempting. Well, nobody knew that he was wearing Bugs Bunny boxers under his fine clothes.
“You look all handsome and dashing”, Graham greeted his son friendly.

Liam had, as always, his hands shoved into his pockets and his father chuckled.
“You’re not really comfortable, hm?”

“Well, I’d just prefer not to wear a suit- like, ever.”

“But a suit looks very nice on you, I’m sure Jo would agree with me on that.”

“I always manage to spill something on it”, Liam replied dryly and got into Graham’s car. The club wasn’t that far away, and Liam could already see all those incredibly expensive cars from a distance. Although Graham wasn’t born into the Oxford upper class, he was well-respected among them and had lived there long enough to get used to their lifestyle. Also, he came from a good Irish family, not as insanely rich as many families around here but still a wealthy family from Dublin, unlike Liam who grew up among cows and sheep and often had the rain going through the roof and dripping right into his attic room in his grandparents’ tiny country cottage. While Graham learned to adapt quickly to the Oxford lifestyle, Liam knew that he would probably never completely adapt to it.
Liam followed his father shyly inside. If he was four years old, he would have totally taken his hand, but he knew he was too old for that kind of crap.

“There you are”, Colin said. He already sat at a nice table next to the large windows and got up to greet the two Irish men. “It’s very nice that you could come, Liam”. He knew exactly that his son-in-law felt uncomfortable in this kind of surrounding.

“Sure.” Liam forced a smile and sat down, immediately noticing the valuable cutlery in front of him. Colin and Graham were obviously completely in their element and started talking about various things, but by the time the entrée was served, Colin turned to Liam who didn’t dare to say anything so far.

“Now, Liam, how are things going in Waterfall Downs?”

Liam was okay talking about the school, he told them how great the students were and the teachers did a good job as well, but then the subject followed. Fatherhood.

“How are you preparing for your new job?”, Colin asked.

“New job?” Liam first didn’t get what he meant.

The older man chuckled. “Becoming a father, of course.”

Liam looked nervous. “Eh,…preparing? Do I…eh…need to prepare anything?”

“Well, what I meant was how are you dealing with the situation?”

Bad. Not that good. Sometimes I have moments where I feel like I’m going crazy.
“Good, I guess”, he said instead, ignoring his thoughts. Graham looked at him quietly. He knew that Liam wasn’t as okay as he pretended to be and that the whole situation was very, if not too overwhelming for him. Graham knew this particular feeling just too well, and he hoped his son would get over it as soon as possible.

“Indeed, having a new addition to the family is always something wonderful”, Colin said. He really meant it, after all, his wife had many miscarriages and they had given up hope completely until little Josephine came along, so of course his daughter was the most precious gift in his life.

Liam just nodded quietly and stared at his plate. Of course he was looking forward to midget, but he was damn nervous at the same time, a nervousness that Colin hadn’t experienced because he was already over forty, while Graham, who had been Liam’s age when he was born, knew exactly how it felt for a boy that age to become a father.

“If you need help with anything, let me know, okay?” Graham looked at his son, hoping he would get the message.

Liam nodded. “Sure.”