Until I Have To Go

“Hey…” He touched her cold cheek carefully. “You want us to drown in your tears like Alice almost did?”, he asked jokingly, realizing that he just made an Alice in Wonderland reference. Embarrassing. No dude made Alice in Wonderland references. No dude would admit the fact that he read that book in the first place.
“You want me to tell you a story? I have a bunch of really crappy Irish stories. Well, they’re not ‘crappy’, but I think they are hilarious. Most of them are about evil fairies.”

“Please”, she mumbled.

“What? You want me to tell the evil fairy stories?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, but before I start I just want to make sure that it I didn’t come up with any of these stories, okay? I guess some drunk, crazy person who hallucinated all the time started coming up with those stories. Probably my neighbour. Well, that description fits to almost all of my neighbours…”

Jo chuckled quietly. “Please take me there one day.”

“Where?”

“To your home.”

“Oh, you mean the country with the crazy drunk people and the evil fairies who steal babies? Sure!” He kissed her head and started telling her one of the stories. He felt Jo relaxing a bit, and half an hour later she had fallen asleep.
He spent the next hour lying awake, thinking about how he could ask Jo what happened to her. He needed to know a bit more in order to help her, but she didn’t want to tell him anything. Of course he could understand why, but how could he help her if he had no idea what exactly happened? If she would never talk about it she might not get back to her normal life again. She kept on crying out at night and constantly begged someone not to hurt her. It was clear that the kidnappers must have hurt her, but nobody knew to what extent.
Liam put his arm around Jo. He wasn’t used to take care of someone else. He was always used to be the youngest, the kid that got himself into lots of trouble. But now he had to act grown up and take care of another person. He would try his best, but he wasn’t sure how good he could play this new part.

It was a rainy day. Anne had just left, she had brought the weekly food ration for the two youngsters. When Jo was in the bathroom Anne had told Liam that he is doing a good job, it was two weeks since Jo was found and there were glimpses of the real Jo between the nervous little bird.
Jo was sitting on the couch watching cartoon with a bowl of sticky pudding, custard and cream. Liam was sitting next to her. He didn’t watch the cartoon he was watching her. Since a few days he was thinking about how he could ask her what they did to her, but he started to think there was never the right moment not the right way to ask.

“What?” Jo smiled at him, it was a very shy smile he remembered from their first meeting.

Liam leaned closer and kissed the right corner of her mouth. “There was toffee sauce.” Jo giggled nervous. She was relaxed, nearly like she used to be a month ago.

Better ask quickly and scared her as talking a long time around the point. “Yvaine what did they do to you?”

As expected she flinched. “Who?” Jo tried to sound cheerful, but she didn’t even convince herself. She looked at her half empty bowl of pudding, but she had lost her appetite. Liam expected her to lock herself in the bathroom or avoid him in any way possible for her, but she did the opposite. She moved closer to him. Jo knew that at some point she had to tell someone -most like Liam- but she was afraid how he would react.

“Just promise not to be mad.” She whispered shy.

Liam looked down at her and asked surprised. “Why should I be mad?”

“Just promise please.”

“Okay I promise I won’t be mad.”

“I saw in summer the shooting remember? I told you all about it but I couldn’t remember very much so no one of you could do anything. The man thought I knew more about it. And at first they tried to make me talk, they didn’t give me enough to eat, and made sure I was always wet and cold. They kept me in this dark room only to take me out into another room so bright that I could barely open my eyes. I didn’t know a lot about the shooting I couldn’t even remember the colour of the cars, but the old man didn’t believe me. There was a younger man trying to make me talk by being nice to me. In the beginning he told me when I answer his questions he gives me something to eat, but…” Jo voice vanished. She grabbed Liam’s shirt and had to force herself to stay in the real world. “In the beginning I fought them, I yelled for help, I hammered with my fists against the door. But I got tired and weak. I think that’s when I started to disappear. I watched what they did to me but I couldn’t feel it anymore. The old one started to hit me, that’s why I have all those bruises. I didn’t like the old one because he hurt me so much but the young one… He started to hold me and… touch me…” Jo hating telling Liam this part, she felt as if she had cheated on him. “I think he never… did it… but he held me a lot and told me I just needed tell him what I saw and then he would go away with me, somewhere nice. And he would make me love him. He would make me his girl. He kept telling me how fine-looking I am. And that he will enjoy to love me, to make me a woman… I am so sorry Liam.” Jo wasn’t crying she felt as if she was dried out. “I understand that you don’t want me anymore.” She whispered looking at her hands. Jo wasn’t cuddled into Liam’s arm anymore. She was sitting like a picture of misery on the couch. Telling herself that this was the moment she would lose Liam forever. He will go, because why should he stay with someone like her.

Holy shit, that was a LOT to digest. He needed a minute to react. He didn’t even look at Jo who was crouched on the couch, he just stared out of the window and watched the rain on the glass. He felt bad that she kept on apologizing to him, it wasn’t her fault and she never did anything wrong. He wished he had killed that guy who did that to her. He only shot in his legs, but now that he knew what that bastard had done, he wanted to turn back time and shoot him right under the belt.

He wanted to do something, but he felt like he was paralyzed. He wanted to say that she should stop crying, and stop blaming herself because that sick guy had touched her. But the words left him as soon as he opened his mouth.
Jo had her back turned towards him, sobbing quietly. She didn’t see what Liam was doing, and if he was still there. Maybe he already went into the bedroom to pack his clothes.
Suddenly she felt him sitting down next to her, but she still didn’t dare to look in his direction. She heard the sound of the guitar chords and he started humming a familiar melody.

“When you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go- downtown…”, he started, feeling stupid for singing that chick song, but it was the first that popped into his head.
“When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry seems to help, I know – downtown…”

Jo stopped and turned her head slowly towards him. A weak smile appeared on her face.
She started following the
song with soft humming, and then joined him with the text. After they were done, they just looked at each other, and she knew it was going to be okay, somehow, someday.

That moment the bell rang, but this time Jo didn’t flinch. She seemed completely calm.
Liam got up and opened the door. It was Ricky again, with a pile of notes in his arms.

“Jo, your other boyfriend is here!”, he yelled, winking at Ricky. “Just joking, man.”

“Hi…hello Liam…” He blushed. “Is it a bad time?”

“No, it’s okay, come in.” He made room for Ricky who looked shyly around.

“Hi Ricky”, Jo said, smiling at him. “How are you?”

“I should be asking you that question”, he said, sitting down on the chair next to the couch.

Liam watched the two for a moment and was surprised how relaxed Ricky suddenly got. He did neither stammer nor blush, he just kept on talking. There was not even a sign of shyness.

“Do you want something to drink?”, he asked the older boy.

“Um…some water please...that would be nice.” Ricky started to blush again, and Jo raised her eyebrows when she noticed how awkward he acted all of a sudden.

“Are you okay, Ricky?”

“Sure!” He nodded quickly, his eyes following Liam who went to the kitchen.

“Anyway…” He cleared his throat. “I miss you in the literature classes, I hope you come back soon.”

“Yes I know.” Jo smiled. Liam came back with the glass of water for Ricky and an orange juice for himself and one for Jo.

“Do you mind if I sit with you?” Liam asked politely. He didn’t want to interrupt them in case they were studying.

“Yes… I mean no.” Ricky babbled, he was blushing again. Liam sat down next to Jo on the couch and thought that this Ricky was very weird. Jo turned around and leaned against Liam. She needed to be close to him. “How is Professor Taylor’s class, as boring as always?”

Ricky looked a little uncomfortable at the too, it made Jo giggle. She would later tell Liam what she suspected.

“Yes he still keeps giving us the wrong background information and we really miss our geek that corrects him. I try my best to do your job but I suck in it.” Ricky said trying to ignore Liam who just took a few pages of his notes.

“Yes I know, but I… I can’t yet come back.” She looked away from Ricky. She felt Liam arm wrapped around her waist.

“Oh yes… um I understand. Just... I miss going to classes with you, and no one is so nice like you are.” Ricky looked at Jo friendly. Liam was confused why did Ricky seem to be so normal with Jo when he had a huge crush on her? But as soon Liam spoke with him the older boy blushed like crazy and had this weird look on his face.
I’ll leave you my notes okay? They are all copies so you don’t need to give them back to me. I’ll keep take detailed notes so that you can use them. I better go.”

Ricky got up, he was to hug Jo when she back away from him. It wasn’t much and not as panicked but it was enough to make him stop. “I hope you are soon better. Let me know if you need anything. As your friend I’m always want to help you.”

Jo smiled. “Thanks Ricky.”

Ricky blushed when Liam wanted to shake his hand, the poor nearly ran out of the flat. As soon Ricky was out of the door, and Jo had this door lock safely. Jo burst into laughter. Liam was so shocked to hear Jo laugh again that he turned around worried. “Are you alright?”

Still laughing Jo answered. “Yes, but I always thought Ricky is a very sentimental boy, but I actually think he is homosexual and has a huge crush on you.”

“Wait…what?!” Liam looked confused at her. He was glad he finally saw her laughing again, he missed her laugh so much, but she laughed for all the wrong reasons. She was joking with him, of course! There was no way she was serious…right?

“I’m not sure if I can follow you…”, he mumbled.

“God, Liam, are you blind? Didn’t you notice anything at all?”

“What…what do you mean? What was there to notice?”

Jo was still giggling, sat down on the couch and pulled him next to her.

“Well, yeah, I noticed that his voice is unusually high for a boy, and that he most certainly doesn’t look like twenty-one, and he seems kind of scared of me…”

“No, dummy!” Jo shook her head.

“Nobody ever called me dummy”, he replied dryly.

“Well, when it comes to those things you are a bit, let’s say, ignorant sometimes…”

“What things?”, he asked. The more Jo talked, the more she confused him.

“Oh Liam!” Jo rolled her eyes. “Remember the first time we met?”

“Um…yeah…”

“Remember how I acted around you?”

“Um…”

“I blushed all the time, I couldn’t look you in the eyes, and when I did, I blushed even more. I stammered a lot and got very nervous every time you talked to me. Remember? Just say yes!”

“Yes.” Liam frowned. “But…”

“But what?”

“But you’re a girl.”

“So?”

“Girls act like that around boys. But boys don’t act like that around other boys.”


“And that’s what I’m trying to tell you!”, she said. “He’s not just like that around you for no reason. The signs are more than obvious. Ricky has definitely a crush on you.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“That’s ridiculous!”

“That’s the truth.”

“But Ricky is a…boy.” Liam said that word as if he had never heard anything so absurd.

“You’re so adorably clueless sometimes”, Jo sighed. “You know that there is such a thing as love between men, right? If not, I will explain it to you. So, there is one man, and there is another, and they-“

“Jo!”, Liam interrupted her quickly. “I don’t need to hear that!”

“Are you really that conservative?”

“I don’t have anything against…people like Ricky, I mean, many great people were, um, you know… Da Vinci, for instance, or Proust…” Liam actually started to blush now. “But it makes me kind of uncomfortable thinking about the fact that this guy is thinking about me…that way.”

Jo bit her lip to prevent herself from bursting into laughter again. She didn’t want to make fun of Liam, and God knows she didn’t want to make fun of her good friend Ricky, but the way Liam reacted was just hilarious.

“Oh my God…” Now Liam’s cheeks really started to flush.

“What?”

“No!”

“What is it?”

“I don’t want to think about it!”

“About what?”

Liam ran his fingers through his hair. “What if he pictures me in…a strange way…”

Jo looked confused. “Strange way?”

“God, this is so…I can’t even say it!” He was hiding behind his hands. “You know, I sometimes, um, well, often picture you in, ahem, certain dresses, or…no dresses…”

“Liam!” Now Jo blushed as well.

“I’m sorry, I have a hot girlfriend, so what am I supposed to do?”

“Yeah, whatever! What did you want to say?” Jo tried to remember all their awkward conversations and came to the conclusion that this one right now topped all of them.

Liam seemed to think the same thing. “It’s just…I hope…I mean, I really do hope you’re completely mistaken and he’s not…you know, but if he is I just hope he doesn’t think of me in any…weird way…”

A very awkward silence followed, then Jo burst into laughter again.

“This. Is. Not. Funny”, Liam said slowly, but she continued laughing. He got up to open a window, he needed some fresh air. “I’m sure you’re wrong, Jo! And don’t you ever freak me out like that again!”

Jo looked at him, still giggling. She was surprised how good it felt to laugh again.

“Liam?” She asked, sounding serious again.

“Yes?”

The young girl took a deep breath and went to join Liam at the window. “You didn’t say anything earlier.”

Liam knew what she meant and he knew this time he shouldn’t play dump this time.

“I don’t wanna sound annoying or anything, just… I want you to know you don’t have to stay. I would understand if you…”

“Jo stop right there.” Liam turned her around and lifted her head so she would look at him. But there were no words that seemed to be right. He studied her faces, her brown eyes which were so beautiful, her mouth which was awesome for kissing, and just this… this glow she had.
While Liam studied her face, Jo felt millions of butterflies in her stomach. It made her nervous, it actually scared her how much she wanted him, how much she loved him.
She tiptoed and kissed him, it was the first kiss since she was back in safety. The first kiss made them feel like one person.
Jo sighed and let his embrace swallow her. “I love you so much Liam, and I knew every second that you would come. I never doubt that.”

They didn’t know that someone watched them from across the street. Victor was standing in the shadow. “Oh enjoy your company while you can. Soon my dear Josephine you will see Liam as the arsehole he is.”

A week later

“Yes of course Ricky. Yes the movie starts at eight. Oh snacks would be great, I love everything that is sweet. Yup we got drinks. See you later.” Jo hung up the phone and turned to Liam.

“Ricky is coming at half seven and the movie Gaslight starts at eight. He brings snacks. I think he is really excited to spend the evening with us.”

Liam looked at her, and he realized how well he knew his girlfriend by now. He was sure there was a shadow in her eyes, barely visible and well hidden behind her lovely smile. “Jo?”

“I’m fine, just… um promise me not to leave me alone. I mean I think Ricky is a good guy just sometimes he can act before he thinks.”

Liam pulled her close. “No one will hurt you. Not while I’m around!” Jo nodded. They enjoyed their alone time before the door bell rang and Ricky arrived. It would be a fun TV evening, or would it?

Liam knew it was ridiculous to be nervous or anything, but when the doorbell rang it was him who flinched this time. He told himself to act normal, and after all, Jo could have been very wrong with her suspicion and Ricky was a normal guy who liked cars and women. There was absolutely no reason to act any different…

Jo went to the door, and although it wasn’t anything amazing, she was still a bit proud of herself that she opened the door for the first time since she was back, it was always Liam who had to open the door. This time her boyfriend sat on the couch, looking a bit stiff.

“Be nice, okay?”, she whispered before she opened the door. “Hi Ricky, it’s so nice that you could come!” She hugged him and let him in.

Liam just stared at him until he finally managed to say something. “Hi…man…”

Ricky looked nervous. “Hi…” He quickly turned to Jo again. “You want me to bring the snacks to the kitchen?”

“Yes, go ahead, I’ll be right there”, Jo said, waited until Ricky was in the kitchen, and then turned to her boyfriend. “Really smooth, man”, she said sarcastically, then followed Ricky into the kitchen.

Jo got out a couple of plates and handed them over to Ricky. “When was the last time we saw each other? Was it May?”

“Yeah, around that time, we had our exams in May, and then the holidays started.”

“Is it really that long ago?”

Ricky nodded. “Yes, I was in the summer course for literature, and you…”

“I met Liam”, Jo finished the sentence. She realized that her life had changed entirely in the past few months, and she could not ever imagine spending her life without Liam. She knew him less than six months, but those months were more important to her than the sixteen years before that.

“How did you two meet?”, Ricky asked.

“My cousin Lorelai introduced us. I’ve told you about her, haven’t I?”

He nodded.

“So, is there anything interesting you want to talk about?”, Jo asked, grinning. “Anything new? Or anyone?”

Ricky blushed and shook his head. “No, there’s nothing…”

“Do you guys need help?”, Liam shouted from the living room.

“No, we’re coming!” Jo grabbed the plates with the snacks and went to the living room, sat down next to Liam and leaned back against his chest. There was still enough space on the couch, but Ricky sat down on the armchair, it would have been kind of weird otherwise. Liam shot him a quick side-glance, he tried not to stare too obvious.
Ricky always looked incredibly clean, as if he was about to go to a concert. The hair was neatly parted to the side, the shirts were never rumpled, and he often wore a tie, even if he was only going to classes. Sure, that was a bit unusual, but that didn’t mean anything, right? Liam kept telling himself that Jo was wrong, and tried not to think about the possibility that Ricky could think of him in a weird way. Hopefully not.

“So, Gaslight is our film choice tonight?”, he asked Jo who nodded. “Isn’t that Angela Lansbury chick playing in that film?”

“Yes, I think it’s her.”

“I know she’s clearly no Brigitte Bardot, but she’s still kind of hot, in her way...”

“Stop calling other women hot in front of me!” Jo punched him playfully. “And besides, she is now twenty years older than she was in Gaslight, so she’s not that hot anymore.”

Liam grinned. “Old women can be hot too, you know...”

“Oh, shut up!” She giggled.

Jo loved this being close to Liam, watching TV, and being with a friend. Suddenly Jo felt weird. She was still just wearing Liam’s jumpers and baggy trousers. “Please excuse me.” She mumbled and hurried in the bedroom behind the huge book shelf.

“I’m sorry did I do anything wrong?” Ricky asked for a moment forgetting with whom he was talking.

“No, it wasn’t you.” Liam mumbled. “Just stay here okay, I’ll check on her.” Liam looked at the TV wondering if in the movie was something that scared her. He quickly followed her.

“Jo? Are you alright?” Liam knew by now to give her a little space when she suddenly went into another room.

“I’m fine, just what I’m wearing.” Jo mumbled.

“What? I love it when you wear my jumpers.” Liam said smiling.

That made her look up and smile a little. She walked to Liam and kissed him. “I know, but… This look is just for you and not everyone.”

Liam smiled. “Okay, you get change. But hurry up okay, I get nervous with Ricky alone.”

Jo giggled. “Why because you are worried that in his fantasy he is undressing you in his mind and doing just half of the stuff I think about doing with you. If … um, I mean… just…”

Liam kissed her. “I know no worries. I’m not pressuring you to do anything. Just get changed in whatever you want. Okay.”

Jo smiled shy and nodded. “I won’t be long.”

Liam went back into the living room.

“Is she alright?” Ricky sounded concerned. “Maybe I should leave? I don’t want to scare her or anything.”

“No, she’s okay, don’t worry”, Liam replied. “She just wants to get changed.”

“She doesn’t have to get changed for me.”

Silence.
Awkward silence.

Could you hurry up, Jo, please…

Liam turned his head to the TV. He felt Ricky’s stare and tried to think of a subject to talk about, a ‘normal’ subject.

“So, Ricky…you study English, right?”

Ricky actually flinched when Liam suddenly asked him.

“Yes.”

“You like Oscar Wilde?”

Oh man, shut up! Seriously? Oscar Wilde?

“Um…yes, actually. I like his poems.”

Okay, maybe Jo was right after all…

Liam cleared his throat and didn’t even pay attention to the film anymore, he was so busy thinking of anything but the fact that Jo might be right.

“Are you from Oxford?”

“Not directly, I’m from a small town outside of Oxford.”

Liam slowly turned his head towards Ricky who blushed immediately when their eyes met. He lowered his gaze.

“You got a girlfriend?” Once again Liam couldn’t avoid being blunt. One of the habits he definitely needed to change, but he wasn’t sure if he ever would. He noticed that Ricky looked uncomfortable. “Sorry, was that too personal?”

Yes, it was, and you know that.

“It’s okay…”, Ricky mumbled. “No, I don’t have a girlfriend.”

Every normal, considerate person would stop at this point, but Liam was not particularly the most normal and considerate person. He always got as close as he could get before overstepping boundaries, and often he ended up overstepping them anyways.

“So what type of girl do you like? Or don’t you have a type? You’re probably not picky…” He smiled, and Ricky stared at him, his jaw dropping slowly.

“Are you okay?” Liam raised his eyebrows.
That moment Jo appeared behind him, dressed in jeans and one of her jumpers.

“Liam, can we talk for a second?”, she asked.

“Sure. What is it?”

“Alone, please.”

“Okay…” Liam got up and felt Jo’s tight grip.

“Excuse us for a minute”, she smiled at Ricky and pushed Liam into the bedroom.

He grinned sheepishly. “You know that Ricky could feel uncomfortable if we -“

“Are you kidding me?!”, she interrupted him.

“What?”

“Asking Ricky those questions! You know that I heard the last part of your conversation…”

“Come on, Jo, it’s not like I directly asked him-“

“You might as well go ahead!” She sighed. “You’re impossible, Liam.”

“You told me that already.”

“Stop grinning like that, I want to be angry with you and I can’t if you keep doing that.”

“That’s my intention”, he said, trying to kiss her, but she quickly opened the door again. “We have a guest.” She went back into the living room, ignoring Liam’s mumbling. “Ricky, do you need anything else? More water?”

“No thanks, I’m fine”, he replied friendly.

They sat down on the couch again, and he put his arm around her. He had only eyes for her and didn’t notice that Ricky stared at him.


“And there’s your hot old woman”, Jo said when Angela Lansbury appeared.

“I so don’t care right now.”

Jo cleared her throat to remind him that there was still someone in the room.

“Oh, yes, sorry…” He smiled at her. “You know that Ricky likes Oscar Wilde?”

Jo shot him a warning glance. “I know…” She quickly turned her head to Ricky. “See, we have that one in common.”

“I am so sorry Ricky.” Jo was standing with Ricky at the door.

“It’s alright. Really.” Ricky smiled at her. “I’m glad you are better. Next week it’s your cousins wedding right?”

“Yes.” A shadow fell over Jo’s face.

“She is the one Liam had the crush on?” Ricky didn’t meant to be rude he wanted to help.

“Yes when I told him that she is engaged I thought it was over and in less than a week he will find out that his Goddess is pregnant. “

“He will be shocked but did you ever see how he looks at you when you don’t see it? It is… it gave me Goosebumps.”

Jo looked at him, she was so sure that Ricky had a crush on Liam and she felt awful for being the one sharing a bed with the guy Ricky liked.

“I know, but still… I’m just scared that I’m not enough for him. You know in the past weeks it felt like he is more distance to me than ever before.”

“Hey.” Ricky lifted up her head. “Everything will be alright. Is he still jealous when you are just close to Vic?”

“Like a hellhound, he even changed the locks because Vic had a key.” Jo giggled.

“See he loves you like crazy.” Ricky smiled but the smile didn’t reach his eyes. “I better go it is late. I’ll see you at the Christmas Party at Waterfall Downs.” He kissed Jo on the cheek.

Jo locked the door and went back to join Liam on the couch. “I love you Liam!”

Jo knew that he never liked to answer to this but she needed to tell him. And just once she wished he could just answer that he loves her too, but Tom and Jerry was running so she didn’t even expecting him to really hear her.

Liam noticed when Jo came back to the couch, and she said something to him, but he hadn’t really listened. It was his favourite Tom and Jerry episode on TV, and although he had watched it countless times already he still didn’t get tired of it. He didn’t notice the look on Jo’s face while she sat next to him, waiting for a reply.

“Liam?”

“Hm?”

“Did you hear what I said?”

He didn’t answer because his mind was focused on the show again. “Seriously Tom? How can you be that stupid? I’m asking myself that everytime! I know he’s a cat, but still…” Liam shook his head. “Oh come on, you should know it better than that!”

Jo couldn’t believe that he didn’t even pay attention to what she just said. She could either be offended, say nothing for the rest of the evening and show him the cold shoulder. Or she could confront him. She decided for the last option.
Jo got up, switched the TV off and turned around to look at Liam.

“Hey, what did you do that for?”

“I know that guys don’t say those things all the time, and I don’t expect you to tell me every single day that you love me, but you know, a girl wants to hear that too, just once in a while…”

Liam looked confused. “What are you talking about?”

“Did you not hear what I said when I came back from the door?”

He didn’t respond, which was already enough for an answer.

Jo crossed her arms and looked hurt. “I said I love you.” She paused for a moment. “And you didn’t even listen. I said it so many times before, and not once you managed to tell me the same thing.”

“What do you mean?”

“God, Liam, you’re the smartest person I know, but right now you’re plain stupid!” She tried to be calm but her voice was trembling. “I would never expect you to be like one of Shakespeare’s characters who keep on telling their love who much they adore them, but just for once, not every day, just once I wish you could bloody say something!”
Jo didn’t plan on getting so upset, but she just couldn’t hold it in any longer. She had to deal with it the past months and never said anything, but now she was tired of accepting everything quietly.

Liam seemed surprised about the way she talked to him. “You know that you’re important to me, Jo. If you weren’t, I wouldn’t put up with your mother all the time, or punch Victor, or play songs for you, or-“

“I’m not saying that you act like you don’t care”, Jo interrupted him. “It’s just…can’t you say it…just one time?”

“I don’t get it! I just said that you’re important to me, so you see, I said it right to your face, what else do you want me to do? Write a poem? Put tights on, get an awful haircut and imitate Romeo?”

“You can’t manage to say that you love me. Three words, Liam, that’s all. Three words. I really don’t expect you to say those three words every day to me, but you have no idea how much it hurts sometimes when I tell you that I love you and you never say anything like that back to me. I know that I’m important to you, but sometimes I wonder how important I am to you, because I would have thought that if a person is really important to you, it shouldn’t be too hard to say I love you once in a while…Maybe I’m wrong. Or maybe I’m not as important to you as I thought I was. How many times did you tell Lorelai that you love her? I bet more than just once…”

Liam sighed. “Jo, please don’t go there again…”

“I’m sorry, but I just want to know what it is that I’m doing wrong. What am I doing wrong that makes it so completely impossible for you to say those three words? And don’t say ‘because I’m a guy and guys don’t say that stuff’! That’s rubbish, okay?”
If Jo wouldn’t have been so scared to go outside alone she would have left the flat to cool her head, but she felt trapped. She didn’t want to go outside where it was dark, but she didn’t feel like staying with Liam in that moment, because it frustrated her too much that he just sat there and didn’t say anything. He always talked so much, why did he have to be so quiet now?

“I’m sorry”, she mumbled. “I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” She went into the bedroom and closed the door. She didn’t get changed, she just lay down with her back turned towards the door. She heard Liam coming in, but she refused to look or say anything to him. He lay down next to her, but she didn’t react.

“Tá grá agam duit”, he said. “Ik hou van jou, Je t'aime, Ti amo, Te quiero, Jag älskar dig, Ich liebe dich, Volim te, Jeg elsker dig...“

Jo started to giggle quietly but still didn’t turn around.

“So, that was Irish, Dutch, French, Italian, Spanish, Swedish, German, Croatian, Danish…sorry, but I couldn’t pronounce all the Asian ones, so…oh, and I forgot one…” Liam paused for a moment. “Wait, what was that again…? Oh, yes…I love you.”

Jo felt awful for yelling at Liam, he did so much for her and she knew that he loved her. And she felt awful that she played a part, she played to be normal and there were at least five times a day she had major freak out moments. She hadn’t told Liam about all of them. Jo sighed and closed her eyes. She had to tell him!

“Liam?” It was just a whisper and she didn’t even know how to start telling him.

“Yvaine?” He whispered back. He wanted to pull her close, hold her close, making her feel better, but he waited for her to come to him. Not because he wanted to be mean but he knew he couldn’t make her trust him.

Jo turned around to look at Liam. She looked into his adorable face. “Do you know that you look like a fox kit?”

Liam smiled. “Mina… I mean Lor… called me Fuksshen.”

“You know she liked that you called her Mina, she… she told you to stop because she, she thinks it hurts me.”

Liam kissed her gently.

“Liam I’m scared.”

“I know, but you know that I do anything to protect you, right you know that?”

Jo nodded. “I know, but … I want to go outside, I want to go to the library and I don’t wanna have nightmare because we are going out of this flat.”

“It will be okay. I will be there all the time.”

“Liam I try to go outside, just to the bakery it is a two minutes away. But I unlock the door, I’m standing in the door frame and I can’t move. All I do is lock the door again, get changed and hide on the couch wait for you come out of the shower. I freak out more times a day than you know. When I go in the bathroom and close the door I panic. When you touch me but I haven’t see you before. I freak out when I hear the postman talk to you. I freak out when the tab in the kitchen is dripping. Liam I can’t do this. I don’t wanna ever leave this flat ever again. And I’m so sorry I yelled at you. I know you love me! I do, I’m just mad at me that… I wanna be normal again. I’m sorry Liam, I’m really, really sorry!” Jo was sobbing so heavily that she was shaking.
Liam pulled her tight into his arm. “Jo it is alright. Shhh everything will be fine. You want to go to Lor’s wedding don’t you?”

Jo nodded, still crying.

“See it will be fine, I will make sure that no one will hurt you. I promise.”

“I know.” Jo slowly calmed down.

“Why didn’t you tell about all things that scare you?”

“Because…”

“Because what?”

“Because I see that you are worried and… I don’t want you to be worried.”

“I always worry about you. Since the moment I came home and you weren’t there. I will never stop worrying about you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“It is not your fault.”

Jo sighed, her breathing slowed down and her tears dried.

“I shouldn’t have yelled at you.” Jo whispered, just before she fell exhausted asleep. Liam looked at her. He wanted her to feel safe but he wasn’t sure if he was doing the right thing. She was back since more than three weeks and she seemed better but she just admitted that she wasn’t that much better. Suddenly the phone rang, Liam managed to untangle himself from Jo and answer the phone in time.

“Hello?”

“Liam, it’s Colin. How are you, how is Jo?”

Liam looked at the sleeping Jo. “She is okay, I think.”

“Liam, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, just… I wonder if I’m doing the right thing.”

“Liam? Jo is fine, I talked to her yesterday and as long you are there she is fine. Scared and she will be scared for some time but she is okay. But listen, do you know why she didn’t want to come back to Waterfall Downs? Because it would have strangled her, she would suffocate in this enormous house. Liam this girl you met six month ago, don’t get me wrong I always love her, but this girl was a dried flower and no matter how much she got watered she was dry and lifeless. And with you she is the most amazing incredible flower that was and always will be on this earth. She is more beautiful than the evening star. I’m not sure you should know all that. She loves you Liam, unconditionally. And as long you are there she will be alright. Liam are you still there?” Colin was worried that he just scared his daughters girlfriend away.

Liam didn’t want to admit it but he felt a bit intimidated by Colin’s speech. He had a hard time believing it, actually. Not that he would ever accuse Jo’s father of lying to him, but Liam didn’t think that he was able to change a person so much as he apparently had changed Jo. He had never been the boyfriend of anybody, and he always doubted that he was boyfriend-material. Not only because he had a hard time saying ‘I love you’, but because his brain usually functioned a thousand times more efficiently than his heart, and that was not the best basis for a relationship. What he didn’t realize though was the fact that there had been a couple of moments in his relationship with Jo where he had actually stopped thinking for a few seconds, and that was something that he didn’t come across every day. Of course, the fact that he had stopped thinking did not always bring a positive result, however, it was proof that he was indeed capable of letting himself guide by feelings once in a while, even if that was a rare occasion.

“Liam?” Mr Williams’ voice on the other side of the phone interrupted his thoughts.

“Um…sorry?”

“I didn’t say anything that scared you, did I?”

“No, sir, of course not.”

“Okay, I have to go now, but I just wanted to make sure that you know how grateful I am to you.”

Grateful. For what? For the fact that his daughter lived with someone who constantly stepped on her feelings?
“No problem”, was all Liam could answer. Mr Williams trusted him more than he could ever trust himself. Which was nice, but it still freaked him out a bit because he felt like he had to live up to Colin’s expectations, and he wasn’t sure for how long he would be able to do so.

~ ~ ~
It was the first week of December when Jo and Liam had to pack their bags to travel back to Stuttgart for Lorelai’s and John’s wedding on December 6th. Liam saw a lot of improvement when it came to Jo, the past two weeks she managed to go outside, still with him on her side, of course, but at least he managed to get her out of the flat. She didn’t let go off his hand while they walked around campus and she still flinched when she heard loud noises, but it was slowly getting better. Liam was sure she would relax a little more as soon as she was close to the von Gruensee estate and the horses.
The wedding would be a challenge for both, though. For her because it was the first event she attended where she was surrounded by many people, and for him…well, because Lorelai would get married, there wasn’t much more to say. But he knew that he had to get a grip and focus less on mourning after the woman that was once his goddess, and instead focus more on Jo, who would be nervous among the large crowd of wedding guests. She had to be his first priority, period.

“You have everything? We should leave now or we’ll miss the train”, he said. He was glad that they would travel with less luggage than they did last time.


Jo looked a bit tense while she checked if she didn’t forget anything. “Yeah, I think so…” She opened her bag again and went through her stuff. “Okay…”, she sighed. “Okay, I think…yes…I’m ready…” She didn’t sound very convincing.

“Jo?”

“Hm?”

Liam smiled at her and reached out for her hand. “It’s going to be fine.”

I added one of my favourite quotes.

((Okay I suck in finding song for certain moments. Sorry))

Jo looked at Liam. He felt her hand shake.

“Jo you already walk out that door. Remember?” Liam whispered gently. Jo nodded. “I know, but… “

Liam knew that this was different, they were not just a mile away from home. It takes them a day to come home or a terrifying plane ride. Liam smiled at her and started quietly singing. “When you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go- downtown…”

Jo smiled shy and took the step out of the door. Liam kissed her. “See I knew you can do it.”

“Will you sing for me every time I get scared?” Jo whispered.

“As long you don’t get sick of my bad singing.” Liam mumbled and locked the door.

The journey was long and the further they drove away from Oxford the clingier Jo got. John waited for the two at the train station. He wanted to hug Jo tight and make sure she is okay but Liam shook his head behind her back. “Jo you look wonderful.”

The young girl smiled but didn’t say much.

“I think it is better when we just drive to Happiness.” Liam said letting Jo decide how close she needed to be. She was reaching her limit and Liam knew that.

“Sure thing. Lorelai is looking forward to see you both.” John noticed that they both were tired and Jo didn’t feel at all like talking.
Wilhelm greeted them at the front door. “Josey, my little one. Lor is upstairs in her room.”

Jo smiled and nodded. She and Liam went upstairs. “Lor?” Jo voice had this slight panic in it. Liam knew she needed something that would calm her down and he hoped seeing Lorelai would be that for her. The door to Lorelai’s room opened and there she was his Goddess and she was… “Pregnant.” Liam stopped in the door and starred at Lor. He saw Jo’s mouth move she said something to him. Liam turned around and ran. He couldn’t’ stand it. To see her pregnant, and get married to another man.

“No Liam.” Jo fell on her knees, crying and sobbing heavily. “You promised. Liam.”

Lorelai looked at John he knew what she meant, he went to find Liam, while Lorelai crouched down in front of Jo. “Josey? Baby I know you are scared because Liam ran away but look at me. I would never let anyone harm you! Ever! Do you remember when we took the first time the train together just you and me?”

Jo nodded, but she didn’t look up She was a pile of misery one the floor, but she moved closer to Lorelai. She wrapped her arms around her little cousin and held her, just rubbing circles on her back.

“Why does it hurt so much?” Jo mumbled weak.

“What hurts?”

“I can’t let him go. I know he like me but I think he stays because he thinks he has to. You know what’s funny? I always looked at John and thought he is perfect but now when I look at Liam I do see his flaws but somehow this little things that make him imperfect for everyone else makes him perfect in my eyes.”

“But he does loves you.”

“Lor?”

“Yes?”

“I… I think I can’t do this I wanna go home I’m sorry.” Jo felt awful for saying this, she wanted to be here but she was so scared. Not just scared that something happens to her but also scared that she is losing Liam on the happiest days of her best friend’s wedding.

“If you really want to go, that is okay. I would be sad but I understand it. But what about you go to bed it is late and you are exhausted. And in the morning when you still want to go home I’ll make sure you get home. Okay?”

Jo nodded. She got up kissed Lor on the cheek and climbed up to her room under the roof. She hadn’t told Liam but she had packed her big stuffed fox, she switched on the heartbeat Liam had built into the stuffed animal and let the tears run freely. Hoping that as long she held her old stuffed fox Liam would come back and sing in is silly cute Irish accent for her again. Between her sobbing she sung trying to sound like a young man with a very bad Irish accent. “When you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go- downtown…”

But it didn’t sound like Liam, not even a little bit and it didn’t calm her down. She took the pills she got in the hospital in London. She never had to take them but maybe today she would. She missed Liam so much that she didn’t realise how dark the room got. Jo cuddled with her fox and kept singing. She didn’t even know all the lyrics.

“When you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go- downtown…”

((because Jo is his 'everything'))!


Liam ran to the stables although he was allergic to the hay. He couldn’t think straight. He didn’t know that such a thing was possible…not thinking straight. But apparently it was. He sat down on the dirty floor and took a deep breath. He felt his eyes starting to get itchy from the hay, but he ignored it. He had barely gotten used to the thought that Lorelai would get married, but seeing her pregnant was too much. Of course it made sense that she would have children one day, but he had ignored that thought, and suddenly there she was, having a child soon, very soon. In a few hours she would be a wife, and in a few months a mother on top of that.
He hated himself for running away like that, especially after he had promised Jo to stay with her and look after her. Oh shit. Jo!
If he wouldn’t go back to her immediately he would do the same mistake he did at Jo’s birthday, when he first heard that Lorelai was pregnant. He had been so close of losing her that night, and he didn’t want that to happen again just because he was too bloody stupid to get a grip and finally get over a woman he never had in the first place.
He got up and turned towards the entrance where John suddenly appeared. Liam knew he was in trouble. John would definitely not have a nice chat with him after the mess he just made. But he deserved that, there was absolutely no excuse for his stupid behaviour.

“I know you a bit longer than Jo does, and I know that you’re not the most mature person on this planet, but that act you just pulled? I honestly thought you grew up a little and became more responsible since the first time we met, but obviously I’ve been wrong.”

Liam didn’t want to contradict him because John was right. He had acted incredibly immature, but at least he finally got that, and that’s why he didn’t want to waste any more time standing around. However, John wasn’t done yet.

“It’s one thing to run after an engaged, pregnant woman, which is totally sick and if you wouldn’t be so much younger than me I would have already beaten the hell out of you, but what really makes me furious is the fact that you have a girlfriend who adores you, and you don’t even see that, do you?”

“I was just about to-“

“You have no idea how damn close you are of losing her”, John interrupted him. “You know what? If I were fifteen years younger I would have fought you for Jo!”

It was ridiculous but Liam actually felt jealousy. He had always been jealous of John for being the man on Lorelai’s side, but when John mentioned Jo’s name Liam felt a jealousy that he had never felt before, not even when he saw Victor.
“Why don’t you?”, he asked.

“Excuse me?”

“If Jo is so important to you, why don’t you fight for her?” Liam asked John like a sulky kid. He couldn’t add anything else because John walked to him and punched him so hard that he stumbled back. He covered his nose when he felt blood running down.

“Because that’s your job, you idiot!”, John shouted. His fist hurt from punching Liam so hard, but it was necessary. He had never beaten a kid before, but talking was obviously not enough in order to get some sense into that boy.
“What the hell is wrong with you?”, John asked. “Being obsessed with another woman while having the loveliest girlfriend a guy could wish for? Lorelai loves you like a little brother, but that’s it. So stop being so lovesick over a woman who will never love you that way.”

“Neither do I!”

Silence followed. Liam seemed just as surprised about his words as John was.

“What?” John raised his eyebrows while the younger boy still looked confused.

“I don’t love Lorelai…”, Liam said slowly, still shocked that those words actually came from him. But they did. And he meant it, he really did. He was not lying, or pretending anything. He was saying the truth. He didn’t love Lorelai. He was attracted to her, there was no denying, but what he had felt the entire time was physical love, which he had mistaken for real love. But after he got to know Jo he felt the other kind of love, the real kind, and he wasn’t aware that this kind of love was completely different to what he felt for Lorelai. It was honest, and unconditional. It wasn’t shallow, it was deep. When he looked at Lorelai he admired her physical beauty, but when he looked at Jo he saw all her beauty, the outside and the inside. He saw everything. And he loved it all. He finally understood the difference.

Liam wiped the blood off his face and smiled. John just stared at him, totally irritated.

“I have to go to my girlfriend”, he said. He suddenly loved the sound of this word more than he ever did. He finally understood its real meaning. He passed John and ran out of the stables. John just watched him, still confused.

Jo just kept singing, hugging her fox and wishing Liam would love her as much as she loves him. But she knew when he walks through that door, if he would come through that door. She would tell him that it was okay she would let him go. He didn’t have to babysit her. And after all she wanted for her live was write books and for that she neither had to have a degree for that or leave the house.

Liam was standing in the door frame watching her. Sometimes he wondered how she can love him that much when he kept hurting her so much.

“When you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go- downtown…”

Normally she had a lovely voice but not when she was crying and mumbling into her fox. He chuckled before he sang. “When you've got worries, all the noise and the hurry seems to help, I know – downtown…”

Jo went quiet. Liam sat down behind her on the bed.

“Do you think you can make him sing? So when you leave I still have your voice.”

“Oh Jo.”

“I’m not holding you back anymore. I… I love you too much to make you miserable. I’ll let you go.”

“Oh Jo, I thought you are smart. I’m not build a voice device in your fox, he don’t need one. Because there should be just one fox in your bed and that is me!”

“But you don’t wanna be with me.”

“I don’t wanna be with you? Are you kidding me? I went hiding in a stable full of hay and horses and John fought for you, but I won.”

“What?!” Jo sat up and looked for the first time really at Liam. “Oh my God your nose. Liam does it hurt?”

Jo got up got some tissues and filled a bowl with lukewarm water. She carefully washed Liam’s face. “No it doesn’t hurt so much. Jo I’m sorry I shouldn’t have walked out on you.”

Jo looked at Liam. “It’s okay. I guess I have to learn to be without you someday.”

Liam pushed her hands away and kissed her more passionately than he meant to. He felt her stiffen. “Sorry I didn’t mean to scare you.”

Jo smiled. “I know.”

Liam pushed the stuffed fox out of the bed and snuggled with Jo into the pillows. “Liam I told Lor I wanna go home.”

“And do you wanna go home?”

Jo sighed. “I think I am home wherever you are.”

“Good because in a few hours your big sister is getting married to your teenager crush.” He teased her and she punched him gently.

The morning was crazy, the house was buzzing with people. Jo was nervous and edgy but each time she saw Liam she calmed down. They were just about to walk down the aisle when suddenly Jo bubbled. “I… I can’t do that they all will look at me and I look hideous. And… and…” She was hyperventilating. “Liam!” Lorelai sounded nervous herself the last time she walked down that aisle was to say that the wedding is off.

“I’m already here.” Liam took Jo’s left hand and after a few moments he had hooked a small device at the bracelet he gave her for her birthday. “Remember I told I you I gonna build something that I can always find you? This is it. You see this small moon stone? When you twist it my part of the device will be activated and I know you are in trouble and I will find you. Okay?”

“Are you sure?” She whispered.

“I found you the last time without it. Of course it will.”

“But they will all look at me. And I look stupid in this dress. I should have long hair so that Lor could have made me pretty curls. And I can’t do this…” She mumbled into Liam’s chest.

“Hey, hey, hey…” Liam put his hands on her shoulders and rubbed them gently. “Relax, Jo, it’s okay. Yes, I know there are many people, and they will have their eyes on you for the moment when you walk down the aisle to stand next to the altar, but they will look at you because you look absolutely beautiful. And your hair looks nice too, believe me. I saw pictures with you where you have long hair, but personally I really like the short hair, so don’t worry about it.” He kissed her on the forehead. “And if anyone dares to give you a weird look, I’m going to kick him right where it hurts.”

Jo giggled. “What if a girl is really mean to me? You don’t hit women, do you?”

“Normally not, but I’m not so sure if that still counts when some chick dares to hurt you. I probably wouldn’t hit her, but put something really slimy in her hair so that she has to cut it all off. Isn’t that a girl’s worst nightmare?”

Jo smiled and looked up to him. God, those bambi eyes! He couldn’t believe she thought he would leave her.

“Geez, I’m nervous!” Lorelai appeared behind him, looking unusually tense. He had never seen her that nervous, she was usually the most confident woman he knew. It was the first time today Liam really looked at her, but not the way he used to. He didn’t look at her like a teenage boy looked at a lingerie model, no, this time he looked at her like a little proud brother looked at his sister.

“You look gorgeous”, he said to Lorelai, but in a way that didn’t worry Jo. It was an honest statement, not a flirtation. And both girls knew he really meant it that way.

“Thank you, Liam”, Lorelai replied with a smile. There wasn’t any more time to talk because Jo had to get ready to walk down the aisle as bride of honour. The music started to play, and Liam pressed Jo’s hand a last time before he let her go.
“You can do it, Jo”, he said encouraging, and she nodded.

The ceremony was beautiful. Lorelai looked stunning, John looked handsome as ever, and Jo smiled shyly at Liam while she stood next to her older cousin. Liam wasn’t jealous of John anymore, and he no longer felt as if he had lost Lorelai. It actually felt kind of releasing, because he no longer adored Lorelai like a lovesick puppy, he knew that he was finally able to let go off her. He would always have feelings for her, but in a more normal and healthy way. And he finally could be happy for her, and that was all that mattered in the end. Seeing his Mina happy…
During the ceremony his eyes were actually more fixed on Jo than on the bride and the groom. Not only because he wanted to make sure that Jo was holding up, and not because she looked so pretty, but there was another reason…He realized something. Actually, he realized that there was something he would do, but he wanted to ask Lorelai for advice first. It was a beautiful and scary thought at the same time, but he was more certain than ever that it was the right thing to do.
Jo’s eyes met Liam’s, and they smiled. This was one of the moments where absolutely no words were needed.

Jo was dreaming for most of the ceremony about her wedding. She would wear a simple white dress, and only a short veil, and… the entire wedding would be smaller at least as small as her heritage but she knew that her wedding would be more… magical and less pompous. But for now she would keep those thoughts she didn’t want to scare Liam that she expected him to propose soon.

“I can do this.” Jo hand wandered to her glass but she didn’t make a sound. “Jo you don’t have to give the speech remember?” Liam had his arm around her waist.

“I know but I want to. And I will!” Jo took a deep breath and knocked with her knife against her glass and stood up. Everyone looked at her. She went pale but she took all her courage together. “I’m not very good with speeches. I have written a good one, but… I think I not gonna use it. So I do apologise if this goes badly. I know Lor all my life, and when I was a little girl I truly believed she is my sister and not my cousin. This never really changed. When Lor told me the first time about John, I have to admit I hated you. I never met you but I was terrified that you steal my Lor. And then I met you and oh my poor me. I had the biggest crush on you and dreamed of running away with you, no matter that I was just eleven. But you broke her heart when you didn’t show up all those years ago. But back then she didn’t have me and all my spies that made sure just this once you were on time.” Jo grinned at John. “I don’t lose my sister, I won a brother. When I look at you two I feel happy. And even thought when I have to share my Lor with you John and soon with your son -I’m pretty sure it will be a son even though when everyone says it will be a girl- but what I try to say is that I am more than happy for you two. Lor no matter that you are now married and are setting down and finally more to England I would like to quote E.E. Cunnings. A writer I really liked.
I carry your heart with me
I carry it in my heart
I am never without it
anywhere I go you go, my dear;
and whatever is done by only me is your doing, my darling
I fear no fate
for you are my fate, my sweet
I want no world
for beautiful you are my world, my true
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
Here is the deepest secret nobody knows
here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
I carry your heart
I carry it in my heart.
I am so glad you choose the right name. To Lorelai and John Von Gruensee!”

“To Lorelai Von Gruensee and John Hubris.” Came the chorus from around the tables.

“Lor John? I know you never found your song, and to change this Liam and I have something for you.” Liam got up and followed Jo to the piano, to play the song they wrote together for John and Lorelai.
Lorelai was crying for the rest of the dinner, it were happy tears well at a little bit hormonal tears. Lor insisted that Liam and Jo would play the song again so that the first dance was to their song. After that Lor and Liam danced while Jo danced with John.

“So Jo how do you feel?” He asked quietly.

“Nervous because of all the people but at the same time safe because I know Liam would no one hurt me. “

“It is not just him. As your new big brother I would kill anyone who gets too close to you. “

Jo chuckled and leaned her head against his shoulder. “I’m glad I came.”

“I’m glad you feel more like yourself again.”

Jo chuckled. “What do you think Lor and Liam talk about?”

“I have no idea and I might don’t wanna know.”

It was nice to dance with Lorelai, it really was. Though his dancing skills were not particularly great, but it was a slow dance and he managed not to trip over her long dress. He looked at the beautiful bride and felt like he was about to blush again, but he knew those feelings were different than the ones he had for Jo.

“Did you grow, Liam?”, she asked with a smile.

“I don’t think so.”

“You seem a bit taller. Maybe it’s because I always have that seventeen-year old little smarty-pants in my head, the one that had never been kissed before and threw all those funny facts at me when he got nervous…”

Liam blushed. “Well, yeah…that ‘never been kissed’ part has changed since then, fortunately, but that thing with the facts…I guess that’s never going to change.”

“That’s okay, I would actually be sad if that ever changes.” They were quiet for a moment. Liam could feel Lorelai’s head leaning against his shoulder. “There are so many things that will change…”, she said in a low voice. “I’m a wife now. And soon I’ll be a mother. All those things are wonderful but frightening at the same time…”

“You’ll make a great mum”, he said, even if it wasn’t easy for him to admit that. But he was getting better in letting her go.

“Thanks, Liam”, she whispered. “I hope I can count on you in the future, right? The baby needs a super-smart uncle, you’re a good influence.”

Liam grinned. “I’m not sure if I can increase the baby’s IQ, but I’ll definitely try my best.”

“I’m glad I can count on you.”

“Mi…um, Lorelai?” He was very close to say Mina again, but he knew she didn’t want to be called that by him again, it was too personal, almost too intimate. “I want to tell you something…”

Lorelai lifted her head and looked him right in the eyes. For a brief moment she looked worried, as if she expected him to start telling her how much he loved her, because that’s how it sounded. “Yes?”

“I had thought about it, of course, I mean I think about everything first and…well…I thought….um…I think I…”

Lorelai smiled. “It’s okay, just say it.”

He took a deep breath and checked if Jo wasn’t too close to listen, then he turned back to Lorelai. “I want to propose to Jo. Not now, obviously, and not any time soon because we’re still very young, and I would suck being a husband right now because I’m far too immature, and I also need so save money for the ring first. So, that will take a while, but I just wanted to know what you think about it. I haven’t told anyone else, well, since it won’t be any time soon I don’t want people to know anyway, but…well, what do you think?”

Lorelai was close to tears. “You want to propose to Jo?”

“Well…yeah, when I’m less immature and also have saved enough money for the ring, then…”

She pulled him into a tight hug, which he interpreted as a sign that she liked the idea. “You’re so important to me, Liam, I hope you know that. And it makes me so happy to know that you found someone. Jo is so special, and you really deserve each other.”

“Thanks…” He smiled shyly. “But please don’t tell anyone…”

“Don’t worry, your secret is safe”, she promised. “I know men usually want to buy the rings on their own without any help from others, but I would offer you to lend the money if it takes so long for you until you can buy the ring. Just if you want, no obligation, of course…”

“That’s very nice of you”, Liam replied. “But that’s something I really want to do. I want to spend the next months working for it and knowing that I’ve earned it. We’re not in a rush anyway, and it just wouldn’t feel right if I took your money to buy the ring, even if I’ll pay you back some time. It’s just…I really want to earn it myself.”

“I understand.” Lorelai studied his face and touched his cheek gently. “You’re a good man, Liam. You’re one of the good ones…”

“But I often mess up…”

“Being a good man doesn’t mean to be a perfect man without any flaws”, she said. “It’s what inside here that matters.” She pointed at his heart. “And you can be full of little flaws and mess up now and then, but that doesn’t change the fact that you’re one of the good ones.”

Liam was glad she thought of him that way. He was just about to look for Jo, when he spotted Victor among the crowd. Why the hell did that guy always be everywhere they went?

Lorelai followed Liam’s gaze and sighed. “I know I wish I didn’t have to invite him, but his family is an old friend of ours and we have the obligation to invite them.”

“I really don’t like him and don’t trust him in the slightest.”

On the other side of the dance floor Victor approached Jo and John. “May I take over?” He asked politely. John had no reason to say no, except that Jo might not feel comfortable to dance with Victor.

Jo stepped a little bit closer to John and whispered. “Don’t leave me alone with him.” John nodded. Victor took John’s place, but Jo was keep by far more distance between them.

“You look very adequate today. Considering what you are going through.” Victor mumbled with this wanting undertone in his voice.

“Thanks.” Jo didn’t like dancing with Victor. Each turn she looked for John, who was close by, and for Liam. He was still dancing with Lorelai, but it looked as if Lorelai made him dance with her.

“How is Liam?” This greedy, needy, wanting undertone was making Jo sick. She felt like a whore, a very cheap whore.

“He is good.” She sounded shy and intimidated.

“You know what I always wondered. How Liam found you. I mean you were in this super secret hiding place in London and for two weeks no one not even Scotland Yard could find you, but there is Liam and he suddenly find you? How did he do it? Did he have a premonition?”

Jo looked up at Victor.

“What are you trying to say?”

“Oh you know exactly what I am trying to say. Did it never cross your mind? I bet he really had use for the money your father paid for you. You know that your father gave him money to find you? There is more than that your father wants him to stay with you now. It all worked out great for him, and you know what all it took to make you all needy and clingy was a man who touched you a couple of times inappropriate…”

“Let go of me Victor.” Jo tried to pull away from him, but Victor held on tight to her, so tight that he hurt her. Jo managed to twist the little moon stone.

Lorelai let go of Liam, who she was holding back since a few minutes now, as soon she heard the panicked beeping of his part of the gadget he built for Jo. “I’m pregnant hit him once from me too!”

John was already on his way he had heard every word Victor had said. “How come you know so much details about the kidnapping?”

Liam saw that Jo looked uncomfortable, but at least John was already there.

“I’ll check on Jo”, he said to Lorelai and walked towards the others.

“How come you know so much details about the kidnapping?”, John asked.

“What?”, Liam looked at John, then Victor. “What does he know?”

“It seems like Mr Gray knows more than he should”, John said, looking suspiciously at Victor.

“Don’t you think you overact a bit?”, Victor smirked.

Liam took Jo’s hand and pressed it gently. “Are you okay?”
She nodded quietly. Liam looked at the older boy as if he wanted to punch him, and since John didn’t want any incident like that to happen at his wedding, he quickly stood between the two.

“I think it’s the best if you just leave”, he said to Victor.

Victor’s eyes were still fixed on Liam and a vicious smile played on his lips, then he nodded at Jo. “See you another time, Josephine…” He turned around and disappeared among the crowd of people.

“What did he say to you?”, Liam asked as soon as he was out of sight.

Jo knew she should be honest to him, but she just couldn’t tell him.

“Liam?”, she whispered. “Can we go somewhere less crowded?”

“Sure.”

“Do you need anything, Jo?”, John asked.

She shook her head. “No, thanks, it’s okay.” She forced a smile.

After Liam and Jo left the dance floor they found a bench nearby, and she snuggled up against him.

“I don’t want to be annoying, but don’t you want to tell me what Victor said?”

“It’s not important”, Jo replied quietly.

“And what did John mean when he said that Victor knew details about the kidnapping?”

Jo sighed. “It’s just…it was weird how much he actually knew about the kidnapping.”

“What did he know?”

“Just things he couldn’t have known”, she said.

“Wait, are you saying he was involved?”

“I don’t know…It just seems weird that he knows so much. But I just don’t think he could…I mean, I know he’s a douchebag, but he wouldn’t…”

Liam frowned. There was no way Victor would have done that. No way.

Liam seemed distracted when they got off the train in London. He still made sure Jo was alright but something wasn’t right. They would spend the night in London and travel the next day with Ricky -who happened to be in London too- back to Oxford.

“Liam? Are you okay?” Jo asked looking rather pale. She didn’t like London very much and she was more than nervous to spend a night in Liam’s flat. She secretly hoped Dick was there.

“What? Yes I’m fine. Just tired.” He smiled at her, his mind kept wandering back to what John had told him before their departure what Victor had said the night before. Liam was shocked that Victor knew all those details, it took Jo weeks to tell him. “It wasn’t made up?” John had asked Liam. “No, it happened like this.” Liam didn’t like that so many people start to know what happened to Jo, because she didn’t want them to know.

“Liam!” Jo said sounding nervous.

“I’m sorry.” He pulled her closer she didn’t need to tell him that she was scared staying at his flat. “You will be perfectly safe. I promise.”

Liam let Jo lock all the lock at the front door, he smiled when she unlocked and locked them twice before she turned around to him.

“Kid.” Dick was standing in darkness and made Jo jump against the coatrack and got caught in the jackets.

“Liam!” She shrieked panicked. Liam untangled her, he saw the tears on her cheeks.

“It’s just Dick. You know that he sounds like Grumpy. Everything is okay.” He brushed her tears with his thumbs away.

“Didn’t mean to scare you, girl. There is food in the kitchen. I’m busy.” That was all Dick said before he vanished in his room.

“See Grumpy is friendly he got us food. Come on let’s eat and go to bed okay? You don’t look so good.”

“Thanks Liam, you are charming as always.” A small smiled appeared on Jo’s face.

“I’m just honest. I could never lie to you.” Liam kissed her and felt her smile.

The next morning Jo woke up because she was alone in Liam’s bed…

“No… erm… I’m okay… Do you think she will wake up?” She knew this voice.

“What? Of course she will wake up Ricky.” Liam opened the bedroom door, just when Jo pulled the pillow over her head.

“Oh see, she’s awake.” Liam walked into his room and pulled at the pillow. “Jo, Ricky is here.”

“I’m still in bed, Liam”, she mumbled under the pillow.

“Yeah, I can see that.”

“And I look like crap.”

“You never look like crap.” He noticed that Ricky seemed very interested in the sketches on the wall.

“Did you draw those?”

“Yes.”

“What are you? Some kind of inventor?”

“Something like that.”

“Really? That is…you’re so…um…” He started to blush. “Nice sketches.”

“Thanks.” Liam started to pull at the pillow again, but Jo held on tightly. “Don’t you want to say hello to Ricky?”

“Hello Ricky!”, she said, the pillow still pressed on her face.

“Don’t you want to leave soon so we can get back to Oxford?”

“Yes.”

“So, that means that you have to put this pillow aside and get up.” He waited for a moment, but when Jo still didn’t move he slipped his hand under the blanket and started to tickle her. She immediately let go off the pillow because she laughed and tried to push his hand away.

“Liam, that’s unfair!”, she giggled. “You’re stronger.”

“And you most certainly know how to defend yourself”, he replied with a grin. “I think your lap dance was one hell of a great defence. I had your foot twice in my face…”

“Liam!” Jo blushed and sat up quickly. Ricky just stood there, looking a bit awkward. She cleared her throat and smiled at him. “I’m sorry, Ricky, both for my and my boyfriend’s inexcusable behaviour”, she shot Liam a warning glance.

“That’s okay.”

Jo got up too quickly and felt so dizzy that she leaned against Liam. “Sorry…” She suddenly realized that she was only wearing her pyjama, and although it was only Ricky, she still felt uncomfortable and hid behind Liam. “I’m sorry, I’ll be right back”, she said, grabbed her bag and ran to the bathroom. Since the kidnapping she had become more insecure and shy, almost like she was before she met Liam. She just hoped that one day she would get her confidence back.

Liam and Ricky stood in Liam’s room, not quite sure what to say.

“So…you’re coming to the Christmas party at Waterfall Downs, right?”, Liam asked. He couldn’t help it but suddenly the weirdest picture of Ricky in a Christmas costume popped into his head, and he tried to suppress a laugh.

“Yes.” The other boy stared at the wooden floor.

Liam couldn’t resist, he had to continue asking him those questions although Jo had forbidden it. “You’re bringing someone?”

“Um…no…”

“Is there no girl who caught your interest?” Liam couldn’t hide his grin anymore.

Ricky shook his head, still looking at the floor. “No…”

Liam still wasn’t sure if Jo was right with her suspicion. Just because Ricky was a bit odd, dressed very nicely, had always perfect hair and didn’t have a girlfriend at the moment didn’t have to mean anything…
Liam needed to test him a bit more.

“Oh…” He looked down at his shirt, pretending to see a spot. “I think I’ve spilled something. You don’t mind if I get changed, right?” He didn’t even wait for Ricky’s reaction, he just took his shirt off in front of him. Ricky’s jaw dropped open and his cheeks turned into a deep red.

Oh shit. Maybe Jo was right…

Liam quickly looked for another shirt because he felt incredibly awkward, but then Jo walked in and stared at him in disbelief.
“What the hell?” She knew her boyfriend well enough to know why Liam wasn’t wearing his shirt. He certainly liked to test boundaries- and overstep them.

“I just noticed that the shirt was dirty”, he said, looking innocently at her.

Jo rolled her eyes. “Unbelievable.”

“Maybe I wait just in the living room.” Ricky was bright red in the face when he turned around and left Liam’s room.
Jo looked at Liam. “Do you need more proof? He is homosexual and he has a huge crush on you. I can totally understand him.”

Jo smiled shy at Liam and stepped closer to him.

“Maybe he just feels weird seeing other men without clothes.” Liam said quietly. He wished her to come closer, he did understand why she was scared to do even so, but he hoped when he would let her come closer it would be less scary.

“I miss you Jo.”

“I’m right here.” Jo couldn’t look at Liam.

“Yvaine look at me please.” Very gentle Liam lifted her head. “You know what I mean. I’m not pressuring you or anything. I just want you to know that I do miss you, I miss being close with you. That’s all.”

Jo sighed at looked at Liam. Tiptoeing she kissed him and this time didn’t back away when she lost her balance and fell against his bare chest. “You smell good.”

“Oh man you make this really heart when you are all adorable and all I wish is to get you back into my crappy bed.” Liam kissed her gentle. “Come let’s get you back to Oxford, I see it at the tip of your nose that you can’t wait to start revising for your exams.”

Jo was sitting in the back seat of Ricky’s car, she had his notes or more the copies he did for her. “I hope it is right what I wrote.”Ricky looked in the rear-view mirror to see Jo.

“Yes they seem okay.” Jo was reading and taking notes herself. She had a lot of reading to catch up. She barely noticed that they arrived at Oxford. Jo kept her nose in the notebooks.

“See you tomorrow Jo.” Ricky shouted up the stairs. Jo waved and disappeared upstairs.

Hours after they were back and Jo took the next notebook she blushed. “Erm Liam, you wanted proof. How about this?”

Jo handed Liam a notebook full of red hearts and, … well Liam’s name.

“I don’t think I was supposed to see this.”