Until I Have To Go

"Well thats how you act as if you do leave me any second, but you think it would be mean to go because of everything that happened. If you haven't noticed I'm pretty much over the fact that I got kidnapped."

“Yeah, thank God!”
That came out wrong, and he could tell that Jo was hurt. This would have been the right moment to say something nice, maybe something like ‘I’m sorry’, but instead he said something else.
“I wanted to wait for a better moment to talk to you about this, but I think you should see a professional. I know you’re not like your mother, but I’m pretty sure you can’t handle all your issues by yourself, and maybe it would just help you to talk to someone so your nervous breakdowns finally stop…”
And that came out harsher than he meant…

“You are a stupid idiot, do you know that! I don’t need to see a shrink. I am fine. I’m not crazy like my mother. And I wouldn’t have nervous breakdowns if I could talk to you. But I can’t because you are too busy worrying about your father and if Dick is okay. You stopped being here even when you are physically here.”

Jo’s voice had lost all nice sound it normally she yelled at Liam, and had a rather hard time not to start crying out of anger.

“How can you say I need to see a shrink? I’m not crazy!”

Liam felt guilty because Jo was right. He had been mentally absent the past few weeks, and he didn’t pay as close attention to her as he should have. But he had a hard time saying it.

“I don’t think you’re crazy, I’m just pretty sure you can’t do this alone”, he said. “And I told you from the beginning that I’m not the kind of guy who’s good in…this psychological stuff! I don’t know what I can do to help you or what to say to you when you have one of your breakdowns, because I don’t know how to deal with all this! And I know that you need someone to talk to!”

“Yes, I need you to talk to! But you’re not there!”

“God, Jo, I can’t help you! I’m not a bloody professional, and you need a bloody professional or you’ll only get worse!”

“Fine let me get worse. That way you get rid of me easily. If you excuse me I’m done trying to talk to you.” Jo marched passed him and slammed the bathroom door. She turned on the shower to muffle the sound of her crying. This was not fair. She was fine up to the point that he was late at New Years Eve. She even went all by herself to the stupid party, she was that terrified anymore when she was in the flat. The only thing she was scared of that she was losing Liam. Losing him because of his dad, Dick and because she was simply not what he wanted. Yes okay maybe she was jealous, but she wouldn’t be if he wouldn’t give her a reason for it. But this time she wouldn’t just cave down and give him what he wants. He thinks she gets worse, well here she was hiding in the bathroom, in her own flat from the boy she loved so much that it actually physically hurt.

Liam lay on the couch, crossed his arms and stared at the ceiling while he heard the shower running. The truth was, he worried crazily about her. He knew that she was far from okay, but he didn’t know what he could do in order to really help her, and she refused real help. He had never worried about anybody that much, and it almost scared him. His helplessness scared him. He felt like a little boy who just watched something bad happening but was unable to stop it. He only got angry at Jo because he wanted to help her but didn’t know how. He felt like he was failing, just like he failed in protecting his mother. But as always, when it came to talking about feelings, he simply sucked and didn’t clearly show her what he actually meant.
Liam closed his eyes and sighed. They both definitely needed to clear their heads first before they could start any new conversation.

It was dark outside when Jo turned off the shower and sneaked out of the bathroom. Liam was sleeping on the couch. She sighed she wished she could curl up next to him, but tonight was all she had her stuffed fox. Jo didn’t bother to get changed when she climbed into their bed and pulled her stuffed fox closer. But tonight she couldn’t bear him be close. She didn’t want a stupid stuffed toy, she wanted Liam, she wanted them the way they were around Christmas.

Most of the night Jo was awake wondering and thinking how to fix this. Maybe they should have a break, like he goes to London for some time and she stays here. Maybe they were in the last few months too close? Jo had a headache when she got up to get a glass of water. She found him sleeping like the first night he slept here. His invention that the radio turned itself on to wake them up worked perfectly the radio turned on. She kneeled down in front of the couch brushed his hair out of his face and whispered in Irish. “I’m sorry. Liam I really don't want you to lose you. I love you and will do anything to make you happy, always. If you want I go to see a shrink, or whatever. Just don’t cut me out of your life. I miss talking to you, and I miss listening to you. I hope you know that you can always talk to me even when you think I won’t understand you. I will try to understand you. Because I love you Liam Seamus O’Doherty, I love you with all my heart.”

Liam was already awake long before Jo sat down next to him, but he didn’t open his eyes, not while she brushed his hair out of his face- which he loved- and not while she talked to him. But then she started speaking Irish, and it sounded so adorably cute how she pronounced the words, that he couldn’t avoid the smile that appeared on his face.
He opened his eyes and turned his head slowly towards her. “What?”

Jo blushed, putting her hand down, but he already took it and held it between his. “Please repeat what you just said.”

“Ahem…okay…” She started repeating everything she said, and his grin only grew wider. “Was it that wrong? I’m sorry, it’s just really hard and what is it with that weird pronunciation anyway?”

Liam chuckled. “It was already right the first time, there was nothing wrong about it. I only wanted you to repeat it because it sounds so cute when you say it.”

Jo looked surprised at him. “What? Really?”

“How did you learn to speak it so well?”

“Well, I just…I have a couple of books and taught myself, kind of…” She looked shyly at him. “I just wanted to make sure that I understand your people if you should ever take me to Ireland…” She stared at her hand that was still in Liam’s. “Not that I expect you to take me, of course! I really don’t have any expectation of that sort and-“

“Jo?” He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead. “Tá brón orm.”

She smiled. “I ‘m sorry, too.”

Jo sighed, she was tired, cold and hungry. Liam pulled her on the couch into his arms, warming her up.

“You really learned Irish for me, that is so adorable.” Liam kissed Jo.

Jo leaned into his kiss, enjoyed his tenderness and felt his desire. He was gentle but let her feel how much he wanted her. “Liam wait, please.” She took his hand to stop him from pushing it further up her shirt. “Liam listen all those things we said…”

“Do we have to talk about this now?” Liam was kissing her neck. He made it really hard to think straight.

“Liam we both suck in talking about this stuff, if we not talk about this now we will never and then we end up fight again.” Jo whispered, she didn’t want to ruin this but she knew she was right. Liam sighed and dropped his head on her chest. It made him to grin. “I like putting my head here.”

“Liam!”

“Okay, okay. I’m listening.”

“We can’t lie to each other or not say things because we think the other one doesn’t want to hear them. We have to be honest and talk to each other. I really hate not talking to you.” Jo sounded shy and not at all like yesterday when she was yelling at him.

“I know, I’m sorry. I should have told you where I’m going I don’t even know why I didn’t tell you.”

“We have to trust each other, it is you and me against the world. We have to defend our relationship against so many people , my mother, Victor, Maggy and every pretty girl of and Ricky…” Jo made Liam laugh. “… if we can’t trust us who can we trust?”

Liam didn’t lift his head, he liked it a lot to rest it on her chest. “You can trust me, I would never do anything to hurt you.”

“I know I can trust you.”

“So why can’t you trust me that I will always come home to you? I would never leave you.”

“Liam each day I leave the house or I’m not with you, you are worried that something happens to me, you might not say this with words but your eyes do. I stopped thinking about how many hidden devices I carry around that if anything would happen to me you can find me. Because you feel guilty that it took so long to find me the last time. I don’t blame you and I never have. For anything that happen. So don’t tell me I don’t need to worry when you are on a mission, because you do the same.”

This time Liam lifted his head to look at her, and the way he did look at her she knew she was right. She was carrying many devices around, hidden and not possible to lose.

“Okay so can we agree that I worry about you and you worry about me? But we both have to trust and hope that the other one is alright?” Liam kissed her gently, he smiled went he felt her grip that held his hand loosed.

“Alright, we worry about each other. Liam are you really not interested in Maggy?” Jo whispered.

Liam grinned and pushed his hand further up her shirt, he chuckled when he discovered that she wasn’t wearing a bra.”Would I do this if I were interested in her?” Within seconds he had taken off her T-shirt and let his tongue wonder over her body.

“I guess not.” She moaned. His touch grew more demanding, but Jo didn’t mind she liked what he did. The passion grew more intense and went from gently love making to hot steamy sex.

The sun was up when Jo snuggled into Liam. “You know if the sex after a fight is always that awesome maybe we should fight more often.” Jo giggled exhausted.

“Jo?”

She looked up, still snuggled against his chest. Their eyes met, and he started to think that she became more beautiful with every day. She’s always been pretty, but now she looked simply breathtaking- well, maybe because he was a little out of breath, but still… this word just fitted perfectly at the moment.

“The whole thing with you seeing a psychologist…I didn’t mean it in a bad way.”

“I know.”

“I just…It freaked me out how much I worried, and this sort of worrying only reminded me too much of the day my mother didn’t come home, and I just knew that something was wrong, and that’s what I felt the past weeks, especially when I saw you having your breakdowns. I know that you’re not crazy, I just want you to be happy again, just like the first weeks when we started going out. Or the time we were in Europe. You were so carefree back then…”

“I want that back too”, Jo whispered.

“Don’t worry…” Liam stroked her hair softly. “We’ll get you there, I promise.”
~~~
Two weeks later Jo sat over her dissertation, and Liam was certainly very lucky that he just came home, because when he entered the flat he saw books and papers thrown all over the place, and he knew something was up.

“Jo? Are you okay?”, he asked her carefully. She didn’t look up, she just stared at the papers in front of her. She had a deep line across her forehead from her extreme frowning. Liam picked up a few of the books. This was strange. Very strange. Jo loved books. She didn’t have the heart to ‘physically hurt’ them. “Jo, what is it?” Liam sat down next to her and saw how flushed her cheeks were.

“I want to kill the guy!”

“Who? Victor?” Liam looked impatiently at her, just waiting to get up and trying to track Victor down to slam his fist into his snobby face.

“No, not Victor! There are actually other arseholes on the planet besides him!”, Jo yelled. “And they all seem to gather around in Oxford!”

“Who are you talking about?”

“This guy…he’s a postgraduate and assistant to my English professor, and he looked over my dissertation and basically said it’s all a piece of shit!”

“Jo, clam down.” He touched her shoulder.

“My professor already pointed that out to me, but this little jerk of a postgrad who isn’t even 24 yet thinks that he can pick on the younger ones and tortures us! Well, I’m pretty sure he only does that to me because he obviously hates me!”

“Don’t you think you take this a little too personally?”

Jo shot him a furious glance.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry!”

“I hate him! I want him tied up to a tree, upside-down, so that all the blood runs into his stupid head!”

“Jesus, I feel actually a bit uncomfortable around you now…” Liam got up and went to the kitchen. “I’ll make you some tea, you really need to calm down. And I will help you with your dissertation.”

“Yes, you can help me by killing that guy and dump his body in the river!”

Liam chuckled when he made some space for her tea on the table. He sat down and pulled her on his lap and before he even said anything he kissed her. As planned it made her giggled and calm down. “So now tell me all about the jerk that made you so upset, I’m the only one who is allowed to make you that upset.”

Jo smiled, kissed him and rested her head against his shoulder. She was still holding one of the pages of her dissertation. Jo sighed. “Liam be honest you read it, is it that bad?”

Liam kissed her forehead. “Well it is not your best work.”

“Well Alfred Jackson said it is not even worth the paper it is written on.”

“I’m sure you have good plan but the way how you write it is not very good. See this part if you short it and instead of writing this paragraph basically repeating what you said before you write your opinion what you think about it. And this bit here, write it a little bit more in detail…”

“Wait I can’t write this more in detail…” Jo was blushing. “It is about how you can write the act without actually writing anything anatomical… It says what other words to use. It is embarrassing to write.”

Liam kissed her. “I know you think it is embarrassing, but what if you pretend you tell me it. Can you write it then?”

Jo looked at the paper, and stammered. “Erm, yes I think so.”

“See we can fix this. I’ll read it all again and make notes to see how we fix this okay?”

Jo nodded. “Thanks.”

“No problem, did I mention that I’m starving?” Liam grinned at her. “Did Ricky teach you anything new?”

“Yes! I can make roast chicken, with steamed vegetables and rosemary potatoes.” Jo looked proud.

“Seriously?”

“Yup, and as dessert millionaires shortbread triplet.”

Liam pulled her close and kissed her passionately. “You better hurry up this sound awesome.”

Jo got up, giggled. She felt appreciated for her new ability to cook. She liked that she could make Liam smile with so simple things like a chicken. She went over to the fridge and took out everything she needed.

“Liam?”

“Yes?” He didn’t look up, he was tidying the table put all books on piles sorted by topic.

“I love you.” Jo was blushing again, just watching him was the best answer he could give her. Liam looked up. Ricky was right, when Liam looked at her he had this look in his eyes. It made her all tingly and she felt the butterflies in her stomach. The same butterflies she felt the first time she looked at him in that restaurant all those month ago in London. She had suddenly a great idea for his birthday. It would be the perfect surprise. Lorelai had told her that he didn’t like his birthday and even though Colin had offered to have a birthday party at Waterfall downs, Jo had a much better plan.

“Don’t worry you don’t have to say anything. It is just that I like to tell you that I love you, every second we had, have and will have.”

Jo had also something else she needed to tell him. But it scared her, not his reaction but what it meant. How could she tell Liam that she saw Victor with the sketchbook she gave him for Christmas?

Liam had no idea why it was so easy for girls (and some guys, like the French) to say ‘I love you’ all the time. Technically it shouldn’t be hard, especially not when you really meant it, but he still couldn’t say it just like that. He hoped that Jo knew how much he appreciated it though, and that she understood that he felt the same way, even if he didn’t use exactly those three words.
When he looked up he noticed that she looked a bit worried. He hoped it didn’t have anything to do with the fact that he didn’t reply to her ‘I love you’.

“What’s wrong, Jo? Is it the dissertation that still worries you? Or that postgrad who’s going to have itching powder in his bed as soon as I find out where he lives?”

Jo sighed. “No, it’s not that…” She didn’t dare to look into his eyes.

“We want to be honest with each other, remember?”

“I know…” She nodded. “It’s just…um…Victor…”

“Oh man!” Liam rubbed his eyebrows. “What did he do this time?”

“I saw him on campus with…I think it was…”

“What?”

“The sketchbook.”

“What sketchbook?”

“The sketchbook.”

Liam stared at her for a moment, unable to say anything. “WHAT?”

“I have no clue how he got it, I never wanted anybody but you to see it, believe me! I’m so sorry, I didn’t want…I don’t know how…”

“Don’t apologize, it’s not your fault that this son of a bitch broke in and stole it.”

“What? He broke in?” Jo looked shocked.

Oops…I didn’t tell her that someone broke in a couple of weeks ago.

He had to tell her the truth. “Yeah, a while ago, when we came back and found many things missing, like the jumper, or the old version of The Three Musketeers…that wasn’t a coincidence. It was pretty clear that someone had broken in, but now I know who. Victor and his accomplice…”

“Accomplice? You mean Maggy?”

He nodded.

“God…” Jo hid her face behind her hands. “That’s so embarrassing. He was carrying that book around like an accessory! As if it belonged to him…”

“Not for long”, Liam grumbled. “As soon as I get the chance I’ll make him pay. And I’ll get the book back, no dude is allowed to see you without clothes!”

Jo lowered her hands and stared at the table. “I usually don’t embrace violence, but I wouldn’t mind kicking him in the balls right now!”

“You’re not the only one.” Liam reached out for her hand. “And stop worrying about it, okay? It’s not your fault, and he’ll get what he deserves anyway, just be patient.”

~~~
It was the first week of March when Liam wanted to pick up Jo from one of her classes. Since he was early he sat down on the bench, but he wasn’t alone for long. A young man a couple of years older than him asked if he could sit next to him. Liam could tell he was rich, from the way he was dressed and the crest ring that pointed out his social status.

“Sure”, Liam answered, his eyes already wandering to the book the other boy held in his hand.

“You don’t mind?” He got out a pack of cigarettes.

“No.” He shook his head.

“Want one?”

“No, thanks.”

The older boy lit his cigarette and opened his book. “So, you’re skipping class?”, he asked without looking up.

“No, I’m waiting for my girlfriend.” Liam read the titled of the book and grinned. “Doctor Faustus, hm?”

“Yeah, it’s probably my eighth time that I’m reading it, and I can’t believe that people are still arguing whether it is a Christian tragedy or not.”

“That’s ridiculous…” Liam shook his head. “But some people simply get confused because Marlowe included elements of Greek tragedy and instead of being saved by God, Faustus goes to hell. Good Christians always believe they will be saved by God, so that’s why they don’t think Marlowe’s play is a Christian tragedy, after all, Faustus isn’t saved in the end…”

The young man raised an eyebrow and watched Liam with an amused smile. “You study literature?”

“No, actually not.”

“Too bad.” He took a puff of his cigarette. “I could use people like you in my class.”

“In your class?” Liam was just about to ask what his job was at the university when he saw that the first students from Jo’s class came outside. “Guess I have to go.” He got up and nodded at him. “Nice talking to you.”

“Same here”, the older boy said, grinning.

Liam spotted Jo and Ricky.
“Hey!” He put his arm around her and kissed her, then turned around to Ricky who blushed a bit. “Hi Ricky.”

“Hi…”

“Liam, can we just go home, watch stupid cartoons and eat tones of ice cream? Please?”

“Oh oh, what’s wrong?”

“I’m just fed up with everything right now!”

“Okay, sure!”
They said good bye to Ricky and passed the bench where he had just sat with the other guy, but he was already gone.

((oops the post is actually shorter then I expected))

For the next two weeks Jo and Liam rewrote her entire dissertation. And in the end they were both satisfied. Jo collapse on the couch in Liam’s arm, they finished right on time. Tomorrow it was Liam’s birthday and Jo knew he doesn’t like his birthday and she had wondered if she should have a party but she had a so much better idea.

“Okay I have to hand in this again, let’s go hand this in. While we are in the office you can kick Alfie in the balls and I pick up my other essay.” Jo said, not moving an inch away from Liam.

“You know we kind of have to move to hand your dissertation in.” Liam chuckled.

“I know but I like it here in your arm.” Jo turned around and kissed him.
Liam grinned and kissed her back. Nearly an hour later he was picking up his boxer shorts from the floor. “What were we doing before that?” He handed her, her bra. “You might need this?”

Jo blushed. “Yes, I think I do.”

They went quickly to campus. Jo took a deep breath and knocked. “Come in. Ah Miss Williams. How is your dissertation?”

“It is finished Mr Jackson.”

“Very good, let us hope it is better than your first version.” Alfie snarled.

“Yes I think so.” Jo only sounded so confident because she knew that Liam was outside of the office.

“Good, now if you excuse me I’ve got work to do. Have a good day Josephine.” Alfie actually shooed her out of his office, when he saw Liam in the hallway. “Hi there.”

“Hi, and bye.” Liam put his arm around Jo’s shoulder and walked away.

~~~

“Come on Liam it will be fun. I have a great plan for today.” So far Jo hadn't said the word birthday once, but the waffles she made for breakfast and her smiley face she had kind of give it away. They were sitting in the back of the big fancy car of her father. Charles was driving them, well he was now stopping in front of a store.

“I know you don’t like it but Happy Birthday Liam.” Jo kissed Liam. “And I thought you would prefer wrapping me in something you like to see me. So you pick whatever you want me to wear.”

Jo and Liam were standing in a big lingerie store.”

Hell, yes!
That’s heaven, right there…

Liam couldn’t hold back a grin. His girlfriend was awesome. Great. Perfect. Brilliant. Amazing.
Maybe having a birthday wasn’t so bad after all…

“Come on!” She pulled his arm and opened the door. “Or do I see a little shy boy?”

“No way!” Liam shook his head, entering the sacred space. It wasn’t like he was never in one of those stores, he most certainly had seen them from the inside, but this was different, because he finally had his own girl he would see in one of those lovely outfits that were displayed everywhere.

There were many pretty salesladies and customers in the store, but Liam had only eyes for Jo - and for the stuff she could wear. His eyes wandered over some lingerie that was very hot, and he had no doubt Lorelai would wear something like that, and he would love to see Jo in it, but then he remembered that Jo would probably not feel very comfortable, and as much as he wanted to see her wearing it, he cared more about how she felt, so he needed to pick something less revealing.
He felt Jo squeezing his hand, but then she let go off it.

“I let you pick out whatever you want, and I’ll wait in the dressing rooms to try it on.” She smiled at him. “And remember, it’s your birthday, so you really can pick anything you want.” She gave him a kiss on the cheek, turned around and walked to the dressing rooms.

Okay, think what Jo would feel comfortable in…
He held up another piece of lingerie that he knew would make her blush to her ears.
No!
He put it back and continued looking. A pretty assistant asked if he needed help, but he shook his head. He finally found something that looked cute. Yes, cute. With comic prints. He usually didn’t mind her wearing underwear with penguin faces and hugging polar bears on it, but being surrounded by all this other stuff, it was really hard for him to pick the only underwear that could have been chosen by a 5-year old girl. But he just wanted to make sure she would feel comfortable, and he liked her no matter what she wore.
Liam picked out a couple of other pieces, some of them with ruffles, polka dots and flowers- not his first choice- and went to the dressing rooms where Jo was waiting.

“So?” She pulled the curtain aside and walked towards him. “What do you have for me?”

Jo raised an eyebrow. “Of all you can pick, you picked this?”

Liam just grinned and nodded.

“Okay. Your wish is my command today.”

Normally she didn’t like shopping, she was annoyed of all the stuff to try on, but today she enjoyed seeing Liam’s face each time she opened the curtain of her changing room. His face lightened up, and he actually looked happy. Well and she saw that he really enjoyed seeing her in underwear.
She just had put on the last piece with little pink hearts on it. Liam got up, pulled her into a tight hug. He kissed her passionately.

“So which one do you pick?” She whispered between kisses. He pushed her gently through the curtain into the changing room.

“Do you know how lovely you are?” He mumbled.

Jo looked at him and suddenly realized that he said this phrase quite often, in moment he could also say… I love you. A huge grin appeared on her face. She wouldn’t take this from him, never will she let him know that she know that he just said I love you to her.
He kissed her neck and run his hands down her waist.

“Liam? Seriously here?”

“You said I can have everything I want.” He whispered flirtatious at her. It made her giggled when she spoke like this.

“Yes I know but I thought you would pick underwear and not this, ooohhh.” Jo moaned, trying to be quiet. Liam grinned. “It’s not my fault what do you think how I would take it see you in underwear for an hour. Of course I want you, right here and now.”

He looked at her questioning; he wouldn’t like it but stop if she really wanted him to. Jo smiled shy, she knew he would wanted this. “Okay.” Jo blushed, this was crazy and Jo was sure this was illegal. “Oh. God. Liam.” Jo moaned. He kind of had an easy job since she was already close to naked.

Jo’s breathing was quickened when she leaned her head against his shoulder. “This was awesome but you should pick now some underwear.” Liam who was just as out of breath as she was, kissed her, while he held up light blue lingerie with bright red kisses on it.

“Okay, let me just get dressed.”

Liam nodded, “I’ll waiting outside. Wait there is more than this?”

Jo giggled. “Oh yes, we do.”

It didn’t take Jo long to get dressed and to pay her lingerie. She had a little surprise for Liam. Well another one. She took his hand the drive to the planetarium wasn’t long either.

“So Liam, I played rich kid today and I hope you like it. She took the keys out of her pocket and unlocked the door. “Welcome to the planetarium.” They entered the show room stars were floating over there head, in the middle was a picnic surrounded by candles, just enough to see but not too many to disturb the stars above.

“I guess you know how to play with this thing.” Jo pointed at the machine that created the stars above them. Jo turned around to Liam. “I can’t give you the real stars but I can give you this at least for tonight until tomorrow morning 8 o’clock.”

Jo smiled shy. “Happy Birthday, Liam. I hope it is not too bad so far.”

Liam couldn’t believe she had done all of this for him. He thought the lingerie store and her buying those outfits was more than he could wish for, but being with her in his favourite place in London topped it all. He’d never seen the planetarium completely empty, this was so much better than having tourist everywhere. He often wished to just lock all the people in the planetarium in one room because they ruined everything with their questions like ‘What, the sun is a star?’. But now he didn’t have to worry about annoying questions and ignorant people, they had the entire planetarium to themselves.

“This is amazing”, he said to Jo who took place next to the picnic basket. “You are amazing.”

She smiled. “Thanks.”

Liam walked to the machine that changed the star sky above their heads. “I’ll choose an African night sky, because they have the most amazing starry skies down there.”

“Okay.” Jo leaned back and watched the sky changing above her. He lay down next to her, his hand reaching for hers. For a moment neither one said anything. Everything was so completely perfect that no words were needed. In this moment all the problems they had the past months were simply forgotten. At least for this very moment.
Liam’s eyes wandered over the starry sky of the planetarium. Last year was his very special eighteenth birthday, thanks to Lorelai who made it very special, and he thought nothing could ever get better than this. But back then he didn’t know what it was like to spend a perfect day with someone he actually really loved, and someone who loved him back. He didn’t know what it was like to have a Jo. On his eighteenth birthday he thought he was the luckiest boy on the planet, he adored Lorelai, even if he needed some time to realize that it was only on a physical level, but still, he’d never been happier. Until he met Jo. And she sure as hell knew how to make him really happy.

“Liam?” She broke the silence.

“Hm?”

“Tell me something about the African night sky.”

He grinned. “I tried not to bombard you with all my knowledge about the night sky, because I didn’t want to scare you off, but if you actually ask me for it…”

“Yes, I do.”

He turned his head to her. “Then I guess I have to, right?”

She giggled. She loved listening to him when he talked about astronomy, just watching his eyes and that smile when he talked about it, as if there was nothing more beautiful in the world. She could listen to him for hours. It didn’t matter that she didn’t get everything he said, all she cared about was watching him talk. If astronomy were a girl, she would be insanely jealous of her.

“I’m sorry, I hope I don’t bore you”, Liam said after he had talked for a while.

“No!” She shook her head. “Not all.”

He studied her face for a while. “You’re lovely”, he said.

Jo smiled shyly. “Yes, you told me…”

“And I mean it. I really do.”

Jo leaned forward and kissed him. “You know what?”, she asked between the kisses. “I’m wearing something green today…”

“I don’t see anything green…” His eyes wandered over her clothes.

“Not yet...”, she replied with a grin.

Jo kissed him. “Promised me not to laugh.”

“Why should I laugh?” Liam kissed her back. He saw her looking at him. “Okay, okay I promise I won’t laugh. Wait the last time I promised this I had your foot in my face.”

Jo giggled.

"Wait. I haven't told you that I got a call this morning. There is a mission I have to go on tomorrow."

Jo stopped and looked at him. "When do you have to go?"

"Tomorrow afternoon." Liam kissed her gently. "I don't think it will be a long mission."

Jo nodded. "Okay."

"But I really want to enjoy tonight." Liam kissed her passionately. "You were going to show me something."

Jo looked at him, and he saw the worries in her eyes. And this time he understood her very well. He didn't like leaving her alone in London. But he had to get used to leaving her alone in London. She would be moving in half a year to it. Jo got up, and started stripping for him. She still shouldn’t make it her profession but it wasn’t that bad anymore. At least this time her foot didn’t end up in his face.

“That is not what I have picked.” Liam mumbled when Jo was standing in front of him in nothing but her green underwear.

“Happy Saint Patrick’s Day.”

Liam took her hand and pulled her down on the blanket, he saw that she felt a little uncomfortable. “Hey why did you buy this, I picked something you would like to wear.”

Jo kissed him. “I know and I love you for it, but I know you would enjoy much more to see me in this. And you know it is not as bad as I thought.”

“Really? You look miserable.”

Jo kissed him. “I won’t pick it to wear for my birthday but I love seeing you smile when you see me in this. But you know what unfair?”

“What?”

“That you still wear so many clothes.” Jo giggled and pulled his jumper off. She hadn’t forgotten the birthday cake he had baked for him. But for now they were too busy with each other. Liam kissed her gently. While his hand were roaming down her body. His kisses where wandering down her neck, over her breasts and further down. Liam had lost his own clothes, on his way down his girlfriend's body. Jo began to moan and thier gentle love grew into wild intense passion.
Jo collapse next to Liam some time later, they were both heavily breathing. “I don’t want to stop, but mo chroi I’m really hungry.”

Jo giggled, “Okay, but I always thought you enjoy me under the stars. That’s the last part of your present.” She got out the cake with seven candles and started singing. “Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday to You, Happy Birthday Dear Liam, Happy Birthday to You. Make a wish Liam!”

“Wow…” Liam stared at the cake. “No one has ever baked me a cake before.”

“Seriously? Not even your mum?”

“She tried it a couple of times, but it always ended up with her going to the store and buy one. She was the only woman in the entire neighbourhood who couldn’t bake, but at least she tried it every year again, always for my birthday. If she wasn’t working that day…” He looked at Jo. “So that’s the first homemade cake I ever got.”

“I hope it tastes okay, I haven’t tried it myself. My friendship with Ricky really comes in handy, he teaches me all those great recipes, and I think I’m slowly getting better”, she said. “And now you have to make a wish before the candles burn down.”

“I don’t get the whole ‘wish-thing’. It’s not like those things come true or anything, it doesn’t make any-“

“Liam, just stop being such a scientist for a moment and make a wish!”

“Okay, okay! Um…I wish-“

“No, you’re not supposed to say it aloud.”

“What?”

“Seriously, when was the last time you had a real birthday?”, Jo asked. “With blowing out candles, and presents and that sort of stuff…”

“I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders. “Years, I guess. You know it’s not important to me…”

“Well, then my dear I think you have some serious catching up to do! And now make a wish, this time properly.” She waited while he just sat there and did nothing.
“Um, Liam, what are you waiting for?”

“I’m trying to make a wish.”

“You know that you have to blow out the candles to make a wish?”

“Oh. Right.” He blew out all the candles and didn’t even have to think twice about what he was wishing for. He wanted Jo to be happy again, no matter how she would get there, but that’s all he wanted.
A bit later the two had fallen asleep, and neither one of them had such a thing as an alarm clock with them, and they completely lost track of time.

Liam opened his eyes when he heard a couple of voices somewhere in the distance. Jo was still sleeping. He wanted to go back to sleep again, but then he looked at his watch. 8.15.
“Oh, damn!” He jumped up and collected everything that was lying around on the floor. “Jo! Jo, wake up!” He grabbed her shoulder and shook her.

“What?” She sounded grumpy.

“There are people!”

“Hm?”

“It’s 8.15, we were supposed to get out of here at 8, the latest!”

“8.15?” Jo yawned and looked at her watch. “Oh shit!” She quickly put on her jumper and her skirt and helped Liam picking up the rest from the ground. The same moment they saw two men walking in, and they hid in a dark corner, waiting for them to turn away. As soon as the two men had their backs turned on the teenagers, they ran out, both bursting into laughter as soon as they were outside. Liam pulled Jo into a hug and kissed her forehead.
“Thanks for everything, it was just perfect.”

“You’re welcome, my little St. Patrick’s birthday-boy”, she replied with a grin.

They ordered a taxi to drive to the flat. While they sat in the taxi Jo held on tight to Liam. She promised him she would stop worrying about him, but he had no idea how hard it was to do that.

They had a couple of hours before Charles picked Jo up. Liam kissed Jo for like ten minutes before he let go of her.

“I won’t be long gone just a couple of days.” Liam kissed her once more before Charles drove Jo back to Oxford.

Jo didn’t hear from Liam for a few days. Lorelai had come over and picked her up for a day of fun, those plans got destroyed by a heavy rain storm.

“Jo?” Lorelai’s voice sounded unusual pitchy.

“Yes?” The two were sitting in the living room by a fire organizing the move of the horses from Happiness Stad.

“I think my water just broke.” Lorelai said rather calm. “Please call the doctor.”

Jo looked in shock at Lorelai. “Are you serious?”

“Josephine Yvaine Williams, yes I am serious the baby is coming. NOW!” Jo got up and ran to the phone.

“Hello? Yes this is Josephine Williams, I’m calling for my cousin Lorelai Von Gruensee. She is in labour and we need a doctor and an ambulance, I am not yet allowed to drive.”

“Miss I am very sorry, but because of the storm many streets are blocked. I am afraid it is not possible for a doctor or an ambulance to drive to you.”

Jo went pale. “Oh um okay. What does this mean?”

“That I will connect you with one of our midwives and she will instruct you to deliver the baby.”

“Holy shit!”

“What?” Lorelai looked panicked at her younger cousin. Jo wasn’t sure she actually wanted to tell Lorelai the news.

“Maybe it would be best if I bring the news to the soon to be mother?”

Jo handed Lorelai the phone and saw her go pale. “Okay, so dear cousin get ready to deliver my baby.” All the hormones released in Lorelai’s body made her weirdly calm.

“Seriously?” Jo looked at Lorelai.

“Yes, it will be great.” Lorelai smiled and handed Jo the phone back. Jo was glad that Liam had taught her Morse code that way she could Morse code to Liam that the baby was coming. Well she used her panic device and morsed baby to him.

Eight hours later, Lorelai was holding her little baby son Edward in her arms. Jo thought that a birth was the most disgusting thing in the world but still awesome. Lorelai was sleeping with Edward in her arms, while Jo was sitting on the big armchair watching them. The doctor had called again and told her he would come as soon the street was cleared. Jo didn’t mind she liked watching the sleeping Lorelai and Edward, oh a little bit she was dreaming of having her own baby and how it would be to be together with Liam forever. It was funny that Liam’s birthday was just three days ago. And she might miss him, but she was a little bit calmer about him going to missions. Not that she was worried less about him, but she also felt proud that he had such an important job.

But to have a baby would be still nice.

While he was away, Liam received a message from Jo, saying just one word, ‘baby’. Although he wished this was some kind of flirty message, he knew it wasn’t. Lorelai was about to become a mother, or she already was one. He really had to get used to the thought, even though he didn’t really want to. But he had to. Lorelai was both a wife and a mother, period. There was nothing left for him to do except to accept that fact.

When John and Liam got home they found Lorelai asleep, next to her was the baby crib, and next to the crib sat Jo who watched them. While John immediately walked to his family and took a first look at his son, Liam walked to Jo who got up and hugged him tightly.
“He’s absolutely beautiful”, she whispered. “His name is Edward. I had to play midwife…”

“Wait, you delivered the baby?”

Jo nodded. “It was too dangerous for anyone to get out there, so they called a midwife who talked to me on the phone. I felt really sick in the beginning, but it was so beautiful at the same time. And when I held him…” She smiled. “It was just perfect.” She turned around. Lorelai had woken up and stood next to John in front of the crib.
“Come, you have to see him!” Jo grabbed his hand and dragged him to the crib. Liam looked at the sleeping baby. He never had a thing for babies or little kids, but Edward was very cute, he had to admit. After all, he was Lorelai’s son, so of course he was cute.

“This little one did a fantastic job”, Lorelai said, tousling Jo’s hair.

Jo smiled shyly. “I almost fainted in the beginning, to be honest…”

That moment Edward woke up, and John picked up his son for the very first time. Liam watched the little family quietly and was happy for them. He felt Jo’s hand taking his while he watched Lorelai taking the baby from John. She walked towards him.

“Edward, may I introduce you to your super-smart uncle Liam?”, she whispered to her child, then looked up to Liam. “I do hope you teach him some important things.” She winked at him.

“Sure.”

“You want to hold him?”

“What?” Liam stared at the baby. “Um…I don’t really know how…”

“That’s okay.” She put Edward carefully into Liam’s arms and smiled. “He suits you.”

Jo had to giggle while she watched her helpless-looking boyfriend with the baby. “You two look so adorable together.”

Liam cleared his throat and looked at Edward who stared at him with his big blue baby eyes. Lorelai went back to John and they talked in the background, but Jo couldn’t keep her eyes off Liam and Edward. She felt her heart racing when she thought of the idea that maybe one day he would hold their own child, just like he just held Edward. Jo walked to him, kissed Edward on the cheek and looked up to Liam.

“This is nice, isn’t it?”, she asked softly.

“Um…yes…as long as he doesn’t start to cry or puke or pee or does other baby-stuff, well, at least not as long as he is on my arm…”

Jo smiled. “You know, it would be nice…one day…not now of course…but sometime in the future…I think I would like to have kids…” She knew that the thought of babies usually freaked boys his age out, so she didn’t expect him to be as excited about that idea as she was.

“Um…” Liam stared at the baby and tried not to blush. “Yeah…kids…Um…A big commitment. A very big commitment.”

“I know, that’s why I think one has to be old enough first, but when the time is right kids would be nice.”

Liam cleared his throat again. “Ahm…sure…” He raised his eyebrows when he noticed that Edward’s face changed. “Um…sorry…but I think he’s going to cry any second. What am I supposed to do with him?”

Jo had to laugh because he sounded so incredibly helpless and she was just about to take Edward from him, when Liam started singing an Irish lullaby to him. Liam still looked completely nervous, but the way he pressed the baby gently against his chest and sang that Irish lullaby made Jo’s heartbeat go faster. She had no idea he could be like that, and she just couldn’t help but smile.

John came back into the bedroom with Lorelai in his arm. He took his son from Liam and whispered to the two teenagers. “I don’t want to kick you out, but Lorelai needs to rest and Edward needs to be fed. Jo I can’t thank you enough for everything you have done. As soon we sorted everything I want you to tell me what I can give you as a gift. Don’t worry about the price.”

John kissed Jo on the cheek, and squeezed Liam’s shoulder.

“Don’t worry about it, I’m just glad I could help.” Jo mumbled she kissed Edward. “Bye my little favourite Edward.”

“Goodbye John, take care congratulation man.” Liam turned to Lorelai and saw that she was asleep again. Giving birth must be exhausting. Jo took his hand, she was dressed in a white shirt of John and a jeans from Lorelai. And she was shining like a star.

“So what’s with the shirt and the jeans?” Liam asked her teasingly when they were sitting in his Jaguar.

“The shirt is John’s I felt uncomfortable in Lor’s but the jeans are hers.”

Liam looked at her impatient for a second before he concentrated on the road again.

“Oh you wonder why I wear the things. Um…” Jo was blushing. “You know how I said it was kind of gross? Well m clothes were ruined with blood and other weird stuff and as honoured as I am, I don’t need to be reminded of the disgusting stuff.”

Liam started laughing. “You are cute.”

Jo looked at him. “Liam?”

“Yes?” He was worried what she could ask him.

“Do you want children? I mean I know you said it is a very big commitment, and I don’t mean to have children now. More in like five years or something.”

Liam didn’t say anything.

“I think you would be a great dad.” Jo whispered. She didn’t want to push him too far. “And… I can’t think of anyone else I want to be the dad of my children.”

He? A great dad? That was probably the weirdest thing he’d ever heard. That was almost as if someone said he would make a good cook. Or a good driver. There was just no way he would ever be a good cook, or a good driver, and he most certainly had a hard time thinking of him not only as a dad, but a ‘good’ dad.

“Liam? What is it?” Jo looked concerned at him. “Did I say something wrong?”

“No…” He shook his head and kept his eyes on the road. “It’s just…well, I think you can’t be a good dad if you never had a dad to look up in the first place. Fifteen years I didn’t have any male role model to look up to, and then I met Dick who is basically the closest I ever had to a father, and I doubt you want me to take him as a ‘father role model’. I don’t really know what dads do, so I would have to learn it, and I’m not sure if I can. I’m not even sure if there are books that teach you how to be a dad, probably not…”

“Liam”, Jo interrupted him. “You don’t have to learn it, it will come to you automatically when you really become a dad. And besides, you don’t need to have a parent to look up to in order to be a good parent yourself. If I would take my mother as role model, my children would leave home as soon as they are old enough to get away from me.”

Liam sighed. “I guess you’re right.”
Of course he had thought about a future with Jo, but he never really thought further than marrying her. He kind of ignored the fact that after marriage there usually were more things to come…
And she said that she couldn’t think of anyone else to be the father of her children, which was a nice thought, on the one hand, but on the other hand he just felt like he was still a kid himself, and he didn’t know when exactly he would grow up –or if he would ever really grow up- and be able to take care of a child.
“Maybe Ricky would be a better dad for your kids”, he said jokingly. “I bet he’d make an amazing dad. At least he knows how to cook.”

Jo laughed. “Yes, I have no doubt he’d make an amazing dad, but not for my children…”

“Why do you always say the plural of child? Do you want to have…um…more than just one?”

“Well…I haven’t really thought about it. Maybe…”
For a moment the two were quiet and Jo’s eyes wandered out of the window. They were almost in Oxford. He didn’t see that dreamy smile that suddenly appeared on her face.
“Just the thought of a little girl or boy with your blue eyes…”

“Whoa, okay! Enough with the baby talk for today!”, he said. This whole subject really did freak him out.

Jo giggled. “Okay, okay! No baby talk anymore.”
~~~

The next day Liam woke up early and decided to go to the library to see if they had any interesting books on astrophysics. Not that he needed to learn anything new, he was just really in the mood to read one of the library books. Since it was so early in the morning he knew that Jo would sleep for at least another one to two hours, so he left her a note in case she woke up while he was still in the library.
As expected, the library was almost empty, because no student was a crazy as to go to the library at eight in the morning, on a Saturday. After Liam spent some time looking in the physics and astronomy section, he found three interesting-looking books and sat down. He was so focused on the book in front of him that he didn’t notice the young man sitting down at the same table.

“Are we a bit ambitious, aren’t we?”

Liam looked up and saw that postgraduate idiot who treated Jo really unfair.

“So, what do you study?”

“Nothing.” Liam closed his book and was about to get up, but the other boy continued talking.

“I believe we haven’t really introduced each other the last time, I’m Alfie.”

“I know who you are”, Liam said.

Alfie crossed his arms and raised his eyebrows. “Did I do something to you?”

“No, but to my girlfriend.”

“Oh, you mean Josephine? I’m sorry, but what am I supposed to do when I see a bad dissertation? Ignore it and tell her that she did a fantastic job?”

“No, but you could have done it in a nicer way. She worked really hard, and you completely crashed her confidence with your comments.”

Alfie seemed indifferent. “Don’t you think she is just a bit too sensitive? A girl her age should know how to take criticism, but she seems the kind of person who feels offended easily when someone criticises her.”

“It’s not that she can’t take criticism”, Liam said. “I saw her work and your margin notes, and some of it is completely unjustified. It almost seems like you have personal issues with Jo. Is it that? Has she ever done something to you?”

Alfie cleared his throat. “Look…what’s your name?”

“Liam.”

“I get what this is all about, Liam, you’re trying to defend your girlfriend, and that’s nice, but don’t you think she is old enough to defend herself?”

“That’s not Jo, she’s too nice to argue with others.” Liam took his books and got up.

“You know, I think you’re a guy with a lot of potential, but I think that a girl like Josephine only holds you back, and you don’t even realize that…” Alfie leaned back in his chair and scrutinized the younger boy. “You should spend more time with people older and more mature than her. I’m sure we could become good friends if you wouldn’t be so focused on little Miss Williams…”

“Thank you”, Liam replied coldly. “But I pass.” He turned his back on him and left the library.

Jo turned around, planning on snuggling closer to Liam when she found the bed empty. Oh how much she hated to wake up like this. She listen to the noises of the flat but nothing, no one was in the shower or in the kitchen and normally when he was reading on a Saturday morning his cartoons were running in the background. But the flat was silent. Her hand was searching him on his side of the bed, while her eyes were still closed. She felt like a little new born fox cub that hadn’t opened its eyes yet. Liam was there. After a few seconds, which felt like an eternity, her hand found a piece of paper. She knew it was a note from Liam. With just one eye open she skipped over the note.

…dearest Jo…Library…back soon…

Jo sighed. That meant she could sleep a little bit longer, Liam would come back soon and when he did he would make her toast and tea and kiss her to wake her up.

“Jo? Wake up. I got tea and toast and lots of kisses.” Liam whispered to his sleeping girlfriend. Jo moaned and kissed him back. “Have to?”

“Yes you kind of have to get up it is past ten. And there is a letter for you it looks important.”

Jo opened one eye and looked at him. “How important?”

“Here you go.” Liam handed her the letter.

“Oh. Yeah that is important. It’s the papers I have to sign, regarding Waterfall Downs.”

“What’s going on with Waterfall Downs?”

“My parents wanted me to own it before they die, so they will give it to me next year. Even though I have no idea what to do with it. I not really want to live in it again. It is too big to live in for just the two of us.”

That’s a joke, right?

Liam stared at her in disbelief. “You inherit that huge castle?”

She nodded.

“No, seriously. You inherit that thing?”

“Yes.”

“Next year?”

“Next year.”

“But your parents say they want to give it to you before they die. They are not going to die next year, are they?”

“No, but they still want me to have it soon.”

“And you…you want to live there?”, he asked. “In that humongous, colossal house with all the servants, the cleaning staff, the maids, and the countless creepy pictures of old dudes?”

“Some of those old dudes are my ancestors”, Jo replied sarcastically. “And besides, just because I inherit the house doesn’t mean that I immediately move there. I told you I’m going to take the job in London and see what will happen…” She read the letter again. “I’m not particularly fond of the idea of living there, to be honest…”

“Then don’t.”

“It’s the house of my parents, Liam. I don’t want to give it up like that.”

He sat down next to her. “Maybe we can use it for other purposes besides living…”

“What purposes?”

“A house like that…I mean, it actually would be perfect for a school or something.”

“A school?” Jo raised her eyebrows.

“Yeah…I…um, there’s a book where someone turns a big house like that into a school.”

Jo giggled. “And that book doesn’t happen to be called Little Women, does it?”

“No!” Liam blushed. “I read it in another book.”

“Oh, really? What book?”

“Does that matter now?” He cleared his throat. “Anyway, I think it wouldn’t be a bad idea. A school, maybe for gifted children, because I can’t imagine spending my time with kids who don’t use their brains. I had to spend my entire life with brainless idiots while I was at school, and back then I would have loved to go to a school that is specialized on children who are more like us.”

“Hm…” Jo frowned. “That actually doesn’t sound bad. I like the idea. Of course it would take some years to remodel Waterfall Downs and turn it into a school…”

“Yes, and we need to be older as well. There’s no way I could teach kids right now. I’m still a kid myself!”

Jo giggled. “Oh yes, I agree with you on that point.”

“Oh, by the way, guess who I met in the library?”

“Who?”

“That Alfie guy.”

“Who?”

“The guy who criticized your dissertation, the one you wanted me to kill and dump into a river.”

“Oh, Alfred Jackson.” Jo looked at Liam. “You call him Alfie?”

“He introduced himself as Alfie, so…” He shrugged his shoulders. “Anyway, I told him that he’s bloody unfair to you and has to back off.”

“You did? You didn’t need to defend me.”

“I know, but he acted all weird and nice, as if we were best friends…”

“Really?” Jo looked surprised at him. “I didn’t even know he can act ‘nice’. And I can’t believe you call him Alfie, just like that. Why is he so nice to you and so unfair to me?”

“Don’t worry, I’ll make sure he won’t be unfair to you anymore.” He took her hand. “Come on, have some breakfast.”

Jo had told Liam that she would be later home, she had an appointment. Liam didn’t ask what it was not because he didn’t want to know, but because he kind of knew by looking at her that she was not yet ready to tell him what this appointment was.

She was sitting in the library when one of the few persons she really didn’t want to see. “Josephine. I haven’t seen you for some time, at least not in person.”

Jo looked up and saw Victor grin. He bend down her kissed her gently on the cheek. Jo was shell shocked. How could he kiss her?

“I dream of you every night, and thanks to a couple of drawings I found I don’t need to use my imagination anymore.”

Jo started to feel sick. “Why should you use your imagination?”

“Oh poor innocent Josephine. Men don’t need a woman physically to feel this one special pleasure and these drawings gave me many hours of pleasure.”

Jo grabbed her bag and jacket and ran as fast as she could out of the library. She was disgusted by Victor. She found a pay phone and called home.

“Hello?”

“Liam!?” Jo was shivering and crying. “Please pick me up. Oh God, please pick me up.”

“Jo? Where are you what happened?” Liam tried to stay calm.

“I don’t know where I am. Liam, please hurry. I’m scared… and Victor. Oh Liam, please! ...” Jo didn’t have enough change and the phone line went dead. Jo glided down and collapsed on the floor of the phone box, hoping that she was carrying finding devices so that Liam could find her. She didn’t get the pictures Victor had put into her mind, pictures she expected Liam to do with the sketchbook, maybe it was the reason why she gave it to him, but not Victor Grey. He had no right to use her sketches for anything. He had no right to think of her at all. An hour ago she had walked out of the University counselling service. Maybe Liam was right and seeking help wasn’t a bad thing, but there was only one person on the whole wide world that could make her feel safe again. And she couldn’t even tell him where the hell she was. She was sure she was still on campus, but her mind was blank well not blank more overloaded with pictures of things Victor did while he looked at her sketches. Sketches on which she wasn’t wearing clothes.